Stonegypsy

Hooray Ver! That sounds like a good time

Yeah.. :-/
I think he’s trying to own his feelings, and I feel like he recognizes them as somewhat unreasonable. I’m just hoping that he gets them in check soon. This is basically our second consecutive day together where I’ve spent the entire time comforting him.

@Ver awww that is a bummer. But I agree with everyone else that at least you’re finding out sooner than later. There are other people to get excited about out there!

@Lianne absolutely! I really like talking about poly because I feel like the more I ramble on about it, the better I understand it myself.

@Money hooray! That sounds like an amazing date. I’m feeling a little weird that Physicist is a couple years younger than I am (I’ve just never seriously dated anyone younger than I am), but I don’t think it actually matters that much if you find that you click.

@ktfran Yeah it’s really nice to be excited about someone again. I went on so many first dates that I just felt super ‘meh’ about, and I was getting really burned out on the ‘Sorry, I’m not feeling it, best of luck’ conversations. And I seriously feel like I’ve hit the jackpot with this guy. Obviously it’s still sparkly and new so there’s not a lot of realism involved yet, but he seems like a combination of everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner.

(To be honest, I think he’s also somewhat worried about being displaced because new guy and I have a lot more in common)

@Ver I buy myself a really good audiobook when I really need to clean, smoke a bowl, and then go to town. Seems to work.

@Lianne Well, there’s the occasional moments of ‘poly bliss’ when everything is going really well with all involved partners and the happiness that everyone feels just multiplies. But for me, I think the main benefit is just the freedom to explore connections and see where they go, without having to shut them down at some arbitrary point because developing further emotional connection would be “inappropriate”. I have a lot of friendships, with varying levels of cuddliness and emotional connection, and I get to have those without worrying that I’m betraying someone. I like having committed relationships (no, I *love* having committed relationships), but I wouldn’t trade all of those other connections for one. So while I have wondered at times if it’s all worth it, I come to the conclusion every single time that it absolutely is to me.

@Lianne @Veritek Well we have actually been really really solid lately. Our communication has improved, we are both trying to be more considerate of each other. We have sort of discussed the future of the relationship and realized that while we would like a long one, we want totally different styles of polyamory. He wants solo, unentwined poly (no hierarchy, no desire to live with a partner ever), and I would at some point like a primary partner to share my life with. And so we’ve been rebuilding our relationship as something very different than what it was before. All that to say, he’s not my main partner anymore, though that is a small point.
We had a really good talk about it yesterday, and he knows that his feelings are unreasonable and somewhat hypocritical. And he’s not actually wanting or needing me to change the way I am doing things. But this is the first time I’ve been really excited about anyone else since he and I got together, and he’s having an understandably difficult time with it, because feelings are irrational. At some point we are going to have to deal with me having a relationship that escalates beyond this one, and that’s going to be rough too, but I think we can do it.

Also Ver, that’s so exciting! I’ve always thought that it might be fun to try crossfit. It seems like such a great way to get in shape and let off steam.