Stonegypsy

Well, long term I am looking for a primary life partner sort of relationship. He and I had talked a lot about it – not like planning a wedding or anything but we had a lot in common, we felt really comfortable around each other, and just seemed to be really well matched in a lot of ways. And he kept telling me that he could see a future with me and he really wanted that kind of relationship. At the same time, he was feeling really conflicted because his other partner, who he has been with for a long time, also wanted those things with him but he couldn’t really see that kind of long term future with her. But it is still a relationship that he cares about and didn’t want to lose. So he wasn’t sure what to do.
They decided, and I found out last week, that she is moving out here and they are going to give it a go, so if I stay in the relationship it will be as a secondary partner. But part of me feels like I have escalated it too much in my head and I’m not sure I can be okay with it. But I’m also not certain that I can’t. I know that even though he might have been a really really good match, other people will be too. And I really do understand why he made this decision. And I really really love having him in my life. No one has ever had quite the knack he does for making me smile and laugh, and I don’t know anyone else who quite shares my passionate enthusiasm for musicals.
What set me off on “I’m not sure anything he’s ever said to me is true” is that apparently this was in active planning mode for a month and a half, and the night that he informed me of it, up until that moment all night he had been acting and talking like everything was perfectly normal and nothing had changed.

I had a really fun weekend, even if I am still really sad. On Friday several girl friends came over and we drank wine and ate cheese and watched/made fun of Ever After. Several of them brought me breakup gifts.
Saturday we had a brunch potluck and played D&D. It didn’t go as late as I would have expected, and my character got captured and stuck in ‘re-education’ pretty much right out of the gate (my DM says it’s my own fault for getting captured, but it’s not in my character’s nature to fight when she thinks she could probably talk her way out later), but it was still fun to do some role playing.
Sunday I went to see a movie with my ex and then rode 15 miles back from the theater, which was great, and yesterday I spent all day zoning out and watching Pushing Daisies with J, who has been super sweet in the wake of the breakup with Physicist.

Physicist and I have traded some text messages, and I’m trying to decide if I’m okay continuing in the relationship under the changed conditions. Half of me thinks it’s a terrible idea and that I’ll be miserable, the other half says that if I’m miserable I can always end it again later but maybe it’s worth a shot for the sake of staying in each other’s lives. Being around him makes me really happy. My two closest friends are in the ‘This is a terrible idea and I will not let you do this’ camp. I should probably listen to them. Easier said than done.

Well, Physicist and I broke up Wednesday night. Long, complicated story that I don’t feel like getting into now, but the crux of it is that I’m left wondering if anything he’s said to me in the six months we’ve known each other was true.
Couldn’t sleep on Wednesday, spent yesterday crying and sleeping. Feeling really, really sad about it. I know it hadn’t been that long, but I’d gotten really attached.

I dated a guy when I was 18 (young, naive, depressed, and desperate for attention and love) who would stand me up constantly. We only ever ended up going on 2 actual dates. Had amazing chemistry, and man he had a really gorgeous smile. And I thought he was so cool.
After the 10th time (in a row), he asked me out (again) and told me the time that would work for him (as usual).
I made the plans, and then…. made other plans entirely and stood him up. Good times.

@Nookie I’m glad you were able to talk through it! That does sound like a stressful situation.

I definitely want to see where it goes. We’ll see how he feels. There was definite chemistry and enjoyment on both sides, but apparently it’s been a really long time since he was that physically intimate with anyone (like 5 years) and so I was checking in with him a lot to make sure he was okay, but he was still a little freaked out, I think? We stopped short of actually having sex, though he still spent the night. I’d definitely like to continue exploring it, but I’m trying to balance making that clear with making it clear that there’s no pressure and we can also just be friends if it’s more comfortable.

@lucia_la I love paddle boating dates! My favorite park in this city does paddle boating in the summer and I love going there for picnics and boating.
I have so many summer date plans I want to do with Physicist. I won’t see him again for a couple weeks, because he’s leaving for vacation pretty much as soon as he’s done with his last final, but I’m super excited for all of the things we can do when he’s back (and not totally buried in school. For a little bit)