va-in-ny
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OMG I have this exact situation. Though, it’s not my mother in law (thank goodness!) But, I have an uncle that has special needs. He likes to draw and color and he makes these large pieces of “abstract” art. Some of them are pretty, but it’s not really my style. Since he’s unable to work, a lot of the family members try to sell the drawings to bring in some money for him. And countless times, I’ve been asked to come and “pick one of the drawings” for my birthday/shower/wedding. It’s hard to say “no, thanks” because you want to be sincere, but I literally do not want any more abstract art in my home.
My mother got one for me and had it framed (I mean, sure, it’s nicely done). I’ve hung it up in my apartment in a downstairs entryway. Something I don’t really see every day. But here’s the thing. ALL OF THE OTHER PIECES I’ve been forced to pick are now taped to the back of the framed drawing. I just don’t want any of it hanging in my home!!
Grandma, Please stop having your daughter in law “come and pick!” a piece of art from the collection. She has enough. Honestly, having her pick a piece for her wedding shower (a time when a lot of USEFUL household goods are gifted) is really thoughtless. I can tell you exactly how she feels and it’s not good.
LW: “To be fair to him, he did tell me a few times before, but it’s so strongly embedded in me that I’m worthless because of my weight that I couldn’t hear it. I’ve finally come to see it differently and to want to change for my health, but he’s not really hearing it.”
Okay. Yet, he’s still setting you up for a conditional relationship. It’s “you change and then we’ll see.” So instead of doing it for you, in the back of your head, you’ll be doing it because you know what the consequences are. He won’t stay. Horrible.
Stop factoring him in. Do what YOU want for YOU.
With my ex, we were supposed to move to another state after I graduated college. But, he could never make plans with me regarding the move. He’d always say “We’ll figure it out” or “We have time for that” and right before everything imploded, he refused to appoint the movers to get the stuff from my place (it was military related). I just couldn’t understand why. My situation was different than yours is (he was cheating and never intended to move ME to be with him), but looking back, I should have seen the signs. He pushed back without saying why because he never intended to move… and because he was a coward.
You are not furniture in someone else’s life. You do not need to sit on the side where everyone makes the decisions for you. You are an equal part of this relationship and he’s treating you like curtains. Stand up and take control. It will hurt, sure. I KNOW it will. But, you’ll be happier in the end. I’m certain of it.
He’s breaking up with you. Except, he doesn’t have the balls to actually do it, so he’s making you do it for him. He’s giving you excuses so that you’ll get tired of it and just leave. If anything, he’s going to bide his time until you actually HAVE to leave to start the semester.
I didn’t want to touch on the weight thing, but I don’t think I can let it lie. You weren’t picking up on his clues and skipping town without him, so now he’s started digging at you personally so that you’ll have a stronger reaction.
There’s a way to tell your partner “hey, I want you to prioritize your health because I love you.” and that was NOT the way. He’s a jerk and you deserve better.
Go back to finish school. Leave him behind. I’m certain that you’ll find someone perfect for you at some point. Don’t continue to be a doormat for this guy.
