I slept for ten hours last night. Ten hours! Jackson was with his sitter today and yesterday, so I managed to go for a bike ride, go to Pilates, and jog a few miles. And sleep ten hours! I feel like a new person. I’m not gonna lie — earlier this week I felt like shit. The fatigue from 10 days of traveling with a toddler, staying up late and getting up too early, and eating the kind of food you eat when you’re on the go, plus ugh, airline travel (in general, but especially with a screaming child), wiped me out. Mix in an early touch of the Terrible Twos (Jack), and a little late-season blahs (me) — which seems crazy considering how gorgeous the weather’s been most of this week — and I was teetering on the edge of… well, I don’t know what, but it didn’t feel good. So, I’m happy to report that after forcing myself to exercise, go to bed early, and eat well this week, I’m mostly back to myself today. Which is to say, I’m hungry for french fries and an IPA.
I will say that all of you have been talkative this week and if I’d had more energy I would have piped in on your conversations a bit more, especially when things took a turn in yesterday’s column and people started talking about SAHMs and how it doesn’t make sense for them to be educated? And someone else was all, “I don’t get being a SAHM,” like being a SAHM is just so awful, and why would a normal person, like, CHOOSE to stay home and do nothing all day when she could be at an office making a real difference in the world! Can of worms, opened. And I’m gonna address it next week.
But first, let’s talk weekend plans. I’m going to cook, bake, do laundry, grocery shop, iron my husband’s shirts, take lots of photos of my kid, do some craft projects, pin a bunch of birthday party ideas on Pinterest, and read parenting magazines, because what else would a SAHM do on a weekend? And you?
p.s. I’m a virgo dragon, so watch out.
cdobbs August 16, 2013, 4:24 pm
its my birthday on sunday so i’m going to bake a chocolate salted caramel layer cake for myself and other than that my only plan for that day is to relax and enjoy a bottle of wine and the day off from work 🙂 here is a link to the cake recipe: http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/33207/layered+chocolate+and+salted+caramel+cake
lets_be_honest August 16, 2013, 4:29 pm
Sounds like a nice day! Happy early birthday 🙂
cdobbs August 16, 2013, 4:40 pm
Fabelle August 16, 2013, 4:31 pm
That looks awesome. I’m about to pin it to my food board, ha
GatorGirl August 16, 2013, 4:33 pm
Happy birthday fellow August baby!! It’s my birthday today!
cdobbs August 16, 2013, 4:39 pm
Pamplemousse Rose August 16, 2013, 7:48 pm
Mine’s tomorrow! Happy birthday to both of you!!
Classic August 17, 2013, 11:31 am
Happy birthday weekend, all of you! Mmmm cake.
Wendy August 16, 2013, 4:28 pm
Happy birthday! My birthday is in three weeks and I want someone to bake me this cake, please.
cdobbs August 16, 2013, 4:39 pm
thanx! i’m going to try and make this….so i will let you know how it goes….if it works i’ll bake you one and ship it to ya 😉
Addie Pray August 16, 2013, 4:49 pm
my 3-quarters birthday is in just 8 days.
honeybeenicki August 16, 2013, 5:25 pm
I could make you a minion cake. I’m a pro at it these days. I made minion cupcakes for work and a minion cake for my bday at home (2 weeks ago).
Taylor August 17, 2013, 12:05 am
What’s a minion cake? I know I could google it…but I’d rather ask 🙂
shanshantastic August 17, 2013, 11:34 am
My birthday’s in two weeks! And if we get our oven fixed I will totally make and send you this cake. 🙂
lemongrass August 16, 2013, 6:39 pm
Happy birthday! That cake looks yummy!
lets_be_honest August 16, 2013, 4:25 pm
Love how you addressed all different conversations we’ve been having in one essay (essay?). I take it you believe in astrology too? I’m excited for your SAHM speech! Its been a good DW week thanks to some interesting/crazy/educating conversations.
Congrats on 10 hours of sleep!!
theattack August 16, 2013, 4:29 pm
Yikes… I didn’t even say any of the SAHM stuff, and I’m scared about what’s going to happen next week.
I’m glad you’re getting caught up on rest from traveling! That has to be exhausting. This weekend we’re going to a wedding, packing up our apartment, and eating boring food now that Iwanna is physically forcing us all to diet. She’s so mean sometimes.
Fabelle August 16, 2013, 4:32 pm
“I didn’t even say any of the SAHM stuff, and I’m scared about what’s going to happen next week. ”
haha, right? Wendy is about to lay down some lessons
Painted_lady August 16, 2013, 6:42 pm
To quote Katie, PREACH.
rachel August 16, 2013, 4:32 pm
Yikes, I hope you didn’t take offense Wendy. I wasn’t saying being a SAHM is a bad thing, I said I just don’t get it, like literally I’ve never had that urge, so I have a hard time putting myself in the shoes of someone who wants that as their number 1 thing.
Fabelle August 16, 2013, 4:34 pm
I forgot who said it but yeah, that’s how I interpreted it too…it was in the context of, even if you don’t PERSONALLY “get” something, it doesn’t mean you can use that non-understanding as a springboard for judgment.
starpattern August 16, 2013, 4:40 pm
I read it the same way.
katie August 16, 2013, 6:53 pm
there are plenty of things and urges and desires that i just dont “get”. i just dont “get” wanting kids, in general, actually. you know? thats not a bad thing.
rachel August 16, 2013, 9:16 pm
Yeah, I mean, I don’t *get* morning people either, for instance. Some people seem to think that it is pleasant to wake up before 8 am.
CatsMeow August 16, 2013, 11:05 pm
haha, like that weirdo, AP.
Addie Pray August 17, 2013, 8:15 am
I’m late to my DW meetup of 1. I slept in til 6:30! I was supposed to be on thre road at 6:30! My fault, I should’ve set an alarm. Ok I’m off to bike in and around Sharon, Wisconsin! It’s a beautiful and sunny Saturday mornings, my favorite time ever!!!
Wendy August 16, 2013, 4:45 pm
Nah, I was offended, but I do think those kinds of messages said in the language you used can be offensive. I don’t know, I think any time you basically say to someone “I don’t get why you would like that” about a choice that’s pretty personal and carries a lot of socio-political baggage, you need to be aware that you’re potentially being offensive even if that’s not your intention at all.
rachel August 16, 2013, 4:51 pm
Hm, okay, fair point. I do try to be conscious of that. And, to clarify, it’s not that I don’t understand the desire to be a mother, or even to spend time at home with your children. It’s more about the LW’s description that she doesn’t want a career at all, just to be a sahm. I guess it’s just so far from my own life that it’s hard to wrap my head around, and it also seems like something a woman has less control over. That’s why I said she should definitely get an education.
Wendy August 16, 2013, 4:49 pm
Also, it’s presumptuous to assume that someone who wants to be a SAHM “wants that as their number one thing.” Granted, the lw from yesterday did day she didn’t want a career, but even in that situation, it doesn’t mean she necessarily envisions being a SAHM as her life’s main purpose. There is more to a woman’s life than either having a career or being a mom.
Wendy August 16, 2013, 4:49 pm
Especially over the course of many years.
Northern Mermaid August 16, 2013, 5:00 pm
She did say “My only dream in life is to be a mum.” Which is a good dream to have, but I think the LW from the other day was just kind of contrary, and a little….19…..(not that I’m really that old, but she was definitely 19).
Painted_lady August 16, 2013, 6:49 pm
Honestly, the whole thing with her sort of reminded me of an episode of That 70s Show (probably the only one I saw all the way through, actually) where one of the moms has decided to go back to work, and Eric’s mom is like, “Yeah, sometimes it sucks” and basically trying to give her a reality check, and the other mom goes, “Oh, but I’m going to have a *fun* job! I think I want to be the boss!”
It just…what happens if it doesn’t work that way? I mean, the education is obviously a good place to start, but perhaps she should foster more of a passion for something and make some plans so that *just in case* she doesn’t get to have the SAHM life she wants, she’s not completely lost.
But then again, at 19, I was going to become a therapist, so I shouldn’t judge her harshly.
Northern Mermaid August 16, 2013, 7:10 pm
Something about the LW yesterday really bugged me, and I have no real idea why. Technically, she doesn’t even have to CONVERT to Greek Orthodoxy. Though the Orthodox churches are not in full communion with the Catholic Church in Rome, they are in the view of the Catholic church communicated—which means all the sacraments that she takes there are valid as far as Catholicism is concerned. She could go to Greek Orthodox mass every Sunday for the rest of her life (and while the Greek Orthodox priest might not be stoked about the idea) she would never violate the sacraments according to HER religion.
Lindsay August 16, 2013, 7:40 pm
Well, that’s how she framed it though, saying it was her main goal in life. I defended her and SAHMs, but I don’t think she would have gotten the same response if she had just expressed an interest, as opposed to calling it her career goal.
Lindsay August 16, 2013, 7:55 pm
Not that that’s not OK. I just think that people don’t know what to make of that sometimes.
CatsMeow August 16, 2013, 10:16 pm
This might be the least popular thing I’ve ever said on DW, but I honestly don’t “get” people who want to be parents and NOTHING ELSE. I don’t disrespect it, but I don’t “get” it either. Being a full-time parent takes up such a short period of your life. There are other things to strive for – which doesn’t take away from how important being a parent is. The LW wanted to be a parent above all else – it WAS her main goal, according to her – but she ALSO was completely self-sufficient and completing an education. When someone said a SAHMs didn’t need an education, everyone disagreed. So in general, I don’t think anyone on DW said anything bad against SAHMs or dads aside from the MRS degree comment. Further, IF I said that I don’t “get” the desire to be a SAHM above all else, I do understand that some people might take offense… but at the same time, it’s just me expressing my opinion about what I personally would want or not want for myself.
Wendy August 16, 2013, 10:25 pm
Did she say she wanted to be a SAHM and NOTHING ELSE? I thought she just said she didn’t want a career.
CatsMeow August 16, 2013, 11:07 pm
She’s in school and I think most people defended that decision. And while I don’t “get it” personally, I don’t disrespect it.
CatsMeow August 16, 2013, 11:15 pm
Like…. regardless of gender, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that a person might want to work both before and after you have children, so it’s a good idea to be employable. You never know what will happen to your spouse, so even if they can totally provide for everyone, it’s good to have a back-up plan.
katie August 17, 2013, 10:29 am
thats what i said! all parents should be educated, i mean all people in general should be educated in some way. being a SAHM is not a given, its not an inevitability- having to provide for yourself and any children you have most definitely is.
Lindsay August 17, 2013, 11:00 am
I read the “nothing else” as being careerwise, not like she literally wants nothing else important in her life. Like when you ask what someone wants to do with their life, they usually answer in a few big ways, like what sort of family they want, what sort of job, etc., but it doesn’t mean that those are the only things they want in their life. I guess I just don’t think anybody was really implying that she (or any other SAHM) doesn’t have other interests or passions or things they do besides raising children.
kare August 17, 2013, 10:33 am
My initial comment on the SAHM thing was bitchy. I get wanting to be one, I support higher education, but I think it’s naive to say that’s your career goal I guess? Like I don’t personally know any stay at home moms. None of my friends with kids, not their parents, not my grandmothers, etc. And I never thought of Wendy as a stay at home mom. In hindsight that seems dumb, but I guess I thought of the site and everything as a career, she just happens to work from home.
Wendy August 17, 2013, 1:48 pm
I think I represent a more modern-day sort of SAHM. Or maybe an urban SAHM? I do think of myself as a SAHM, but one who works part-time from home (for herself). Maybe that’s not the “true” definition of a SAHM, but I am a mom and I do stay home and my main focus is raising Jackson (I do hire a sitter for him for 12 hours a week, but the rest of the time it’s just the two of us until drew gets home from work). I know I probably sound defensive and I am a little but that’s because it seems like there’s a misconception of what a modern day SAHM is/does and there seems to be so little respect for and understanding of SAHMs, especially in the context of feminism and other socio-political contexts. And when a 19 year old girl says something like, “I don’t want a career; I want to do is be a SAHM,” that reinforces some of those misconceptions, I think. Anyway, I want to discuss this further and invite a bigger discussion, so I will write a bigger post about my thoughts next week.
kare August 17, 2013, 4:34 pm
Ahhh I see. I think of a SAHM in the traditional sense, but I am from a rural area that fits more of the traditional definition. I think anyone that gives up a career for their children is making a huge sacrifice in doing so – and that is fine for them. I also admire people like my mom that didn’t get to be a SAHM because of finances and worked a job she hated to help provide for us. I think the SAHM vs working mom thing is a lot like many aspects of motherhood (breastfeeding, epidurals, etc.) – there are many pros and cons of each, but ultimately it is a very personal decision.
In school, many girls would make comments like “I’m going to be a SAHM, why do I need math?”, “I can’t wait to have kids so that I don’t have to work and can just stay home all day!”, etc. My sense of thinking is that you can’t guarantee being a SAHM, so women should at least prepare for self-sufficiency. Actually all of my generation should…but I think that’s been touched upon a time or two. 🙂
BreezyAM August 17, 2013, 3:19 pm
For the record, I’ve been a SAHM, and I don’t “get it” either. I don’t WANT to do it. I just felt if I had a kid and in our circumstances it was the right thing to do while they were babies and toddlers at least with the way we wanted to parent them (nursing and such). I don’t actually LIKE staying home. It’s not “fun”. I mean it’s not misery or anything but it’s not something I feel passionate about, or feel inspired to make twee blog posts about how we went to the park with pinterest inspired lunch boxes and my own personal salad in a mason jar. As busy as the husband’s schedule is, honestly, I could stay home for decades and make running the house my career. There’s a lot to do! But… it’s not my passion. My kids? Sure! But being the overwhelming caregiver? Or homeschooler? Oh god no. Even if it was 100% no doubt THE best choice for them, but school and preschool were the runners up at like, I don’t know, a 7 or higher? If we put me being SAHMForever as a 10? Yeah I wouldn’t do it. “Good Enough” would have to be “good enough”. I would lose my mind. Maybe if my husband was home and we were a WAH couple, like those Young House Love folks? Maybe. But I could not do this much longer.
Even now my “SAHM” life is waaaaaay different than my previous SAHM life with my first two kids. My first two, they were ALL I DID. Now I study, I volunteer a LOT, and I do contract work for various NFPs, usually a Gender Advocacy Centre. Because I just could not sit on the couch and breastfeed for four years again. I am NOT saying other SAHMs do that! But basically, I did. Yeah yeah we went to the park and the children’s museums and I met other moms and we did mom stuff but oh my mind it turned to pablum, I was so painfully bored. That whole part Wendy lays out up there about travelling with Jackson being exhausting? I kinda felt sick reading it because I had the EXACT same experience for 10 days last month with MY 2 and 4 yr olds when we went to go see my parents. I am glad I went but OMG I was exhausted. Except… see… I made the choice to nurse, and my youngest made the choice to refuse all bottles (shoot…. me…. in… the…. head… now…. not even kidding that was a big part of us deciding we were done. This is my second “no bottles please!” baby and I am NOT ever doing that AGAIN) and he still wakes to nurse at night and he’ll be two at the end of the month. And Daddy is not an acceptable substitute at night. So reading about the time off? Oh god. Oh my god I lust for that!
I don’t regret staying home, but it’s not fun for me (again, not misery or anything! there are worse gigs!) and I totally cannot relate to my mom friends who just really feel called to do nothing else. Likewise, however… I can’t relate to wanting to be an accountant. Well, sort of. Based on the nil amount of leftists and progressives with any business accumen I fucking wish I went into accounting; I’d have made a fortune and have all the work I could want AND feel great about saving the world! 😀 But seriously, I can’t relate to wanting to be a marketing specialist either. Or a butcher. Just… meh. Or a tax attorney. Holy fuck. One of my progressive lefty friends went into that and I’m like “wat.” I just do not get it. So mind numblingly boring and virtually useless to effect any change in the world. Blah. Least that’s how *I* see it 😉 I don’t get how it’s satisfying at all… but HE likes it!
So just to let you know, some of us who did it –and would again if I had another one!– don’t get it either 😉 Just I knew daycare wasn’t something I wanted for my kids before I felt comfortable with them being able to communicate with me, and I knew I wanted to be the one giving them their formative years upbringing (my homeschool friends have similar arguments).
Northern Mermaid August 16, 2013, 4:40 pm
It’s interesting how that SAHM conversation could be taken a couple of ways based on where you factor in the experience. I kind of read it as more anti-education than anti-SAHM (initially, obviously) I am a big believer that higher education is something we all deserve. It shouldn’t be a financially restrictive privilege and having a society that is well educated and knowledgeable across the board, even at the “lowest” levels in critically important to the continuation of any society.
I will say, that I think part of the snarky tone in that discussion had to do with the LW. She was inconsistent, defensive, and only revealed information that was directly contrary to whatever a poster had to say. When Scooze asked about her life plans, her response was “As for a career, I don’t want one. Never have. My only dream is to be a mum” Scooze seemed to be offering her pretty compassionate advice “Put yourself first” and the LW got really defensive about that. Not that LW was necessarily that girl (she probably isn’t) but I met quite a few young women who were distracting in class, difficult to work with for group projects, and nonchalant about the quality of their education because they were just in school to meet a husband. I didn’t begrudge them their education, but I was definitely resentful of their attitude.
AKchic_ August 16, 2013, 5:27 pm
Addie Pray August 16, 2013, 4:41 pm
Man, I missed that drama.
Who is going to bike with me in Wisconsin tomorrow? Anyone?
Addie Pray August 16, 2013, 4:45 pm
And I’m going to keep talking to myself because I’m doing such a good job of it today: I would love to be a SAHM. I think I’d be good at it. And I think I’d find it fulfilling. And if I didn’t I’d find something meaningful to do with my time, I usually do. I think I’d enjoy not having to wear a suit and sit in an office all day. Plus the more I think about it the more I realize I am NOT very career driving. At the end of the day I just want to do good and feel helpful and appreciated, and damnit to tell I could feel that way being a SAHM too. But who’s gonna pay my bills?
Really, who’s biking with me tomorrow?
Addie Pray August 16, 2013, 4:48 pm
BIKING IN WISCONSIN TOMORROW, LEAVING CHICAGO AT 6-ISH AM, WHO’S IN?
honeybeenicki August 16, 2013, 5:29 pm
I’ll be at a concert all day otherwise I’d come up with an excuse of why I won’t be biking 😛
Addie Pray August 16, 2013, 5:33 pm
haha, i love and respect your honesty. 🙂
Northern Mermaid August 16, 2013, 4:51 pm
I don’t think I’d be a very good SAHM. Mainly because I really only like kids after they turn 4. You can talk to a 4 year old, but having conversations with a 2 year old or a 3 year old is just a waste of time. Plus, I hate chores. I do all the chores because I work from home and my job is flexible, and it’s obnoxious.
lets_be_honest August 16, 2013, 9:56 pm
I don’t know why but I found this to be hysterical.
Classic August 16, 2013, 10:04 pm
You might find it is different when they are your own. I had one-sided conversations with my son long before he was born, sang songs to him, and all of that, and never felt it was a waste of time. By the time he was five months old, he was talking back, and I was delighted with our conversations. Soon, he was a little comedian, playing baby jokes on me. Hilarious.
Skyblossom August 16, 2013, 10:47 pm
And it doesn’t take long and they have that belly laugh that makes everyone laugh with them because they are so genuinely happy.
BreezyAM August 17, 2013, 3:28 pm
I have my own and yet I kind of agree with her. I mean I looooove my kids but I am so glad when they hit around 2 and start to become more “kids” and less “babies”. After 4 I find parenting totally fun. Honestly I’d rather stay home with my teens than my babies. :-O Other moms I know think I am nuts, that parenting older kids is soooooo much more difficult. Now… granted, I’m extremely laid back, not big on rules, have really agreeable good teens, so they often say “well of course it’s easy you let them do whatever they want.” Well, yes… but they haven’t asked for anything stupid yet. When they ask for drugs or a kegger I’ll say no. Meanwhile they say no to dumb shit like going to a pizza parlour with friends because it’s “family” time. No teen wants family time. They want pizza. Let them get pizza. They’ll be back. “but they went out last night, no going out two nights in a row!” “why?” See I just can’t be bothered. Be respectful and honest, tell me where you’re going what you’re doing when you’ll be home, it’s all good.
CatsMeow August 16, 2013, 10:28 pm
I would be terrible. IF I have kids… and this is a big IF… I still don’t want to stay home with them. I understand why people think that one parent being home is best, but I honestly – personally – don’t think it makes that big of a difference. (This coming from me – who both went to daycare and later had a mom who stayed home. I loved daycare, lol). The more important thing to me is making sure that *I* can support my future hypothetical kids in the event that I get divorced or my future hypothetical husband dies or gets disabled or something like that. To me, the best thing I could do for my future hypothetical family is to provide for them financially, be a good example career-wise, and be completely self-sufficient in the event that their father could not provide for them. I understand why people think differently. But I think people should hear my opinion too. No matter what you do as a mother these days, you get judged. That shit needs to stop. I’m mostly going off my own experience, too. I just had a conversation with my brother and dad (but not mom, interestingly enough) about how much better off my mom would have been had she not quit her job to be a mom.
CatsMeow August 17, 2013, 2:54 pm
Oops, I was drunk DWing. HEAR MY OPINION, y’all! Jeez. I think I was just explaining the reasons I personally wouldn’t want to be a stay at home parent. I doubt I’m having kids anyway, so who cares.
theattack August 16, 2013, 4:54 pm
I don’t want to be a SAHM. I want to stay at home and pay someone else to watch the kids for most of the day. I want to be kept and just shop all day.
Ftr, I don’t usually feel that way. I think I just feel that way now because I feel unfulfilled, which goes back to that article about being fulfilled at work. Gahhhh there’s no winning, is there?
theattack August 16, 2013, 4:56 pm
Ooo Ooo Ooo! I met a two year old yesterday that I fell in love with. I’ve never really liked kids under 8, and NEVER under 4. I love love love him though! Maybe I could handle a kid? I don’t know….
Fabelle August 16, 2013, 4:56 pm
I think I’d be a shitty stay-at-home mom, too. Like the kind who tries to be perfect, but then winds up with a pill addiction sleeping with the UPS guy (no… offense? to anyone? I just mean I could see myself being an awful stereotype, basically)
Fabelle August 16, 2013, 4:58 pm
And actually, I’ve on more than one occasion told my boyfriend I think I’d like if he were a house husband. It’s not even like I’m all career-minded & shit, I just like the idea of being out of the house during work hours & coming home to my partner.
Northern Mermaid August 16, 2013, 5:02 pm
FAB, I would be SO bad at it. I think I’d turn into the bad version of a SAHM that decides she’s going to do everything from scratch, but then I get distracted too easily and then everything would just be a mess and my kids would eat like….raw green beans for every meal because I wouldn’t have any real food in the house. But I like making costumes, so they would have awesome costumes for all things requiring a costume.
lets_be_honest August 16, 2013, 5:01 pm
Bahaha. I’m nodding along, like, yes I would try too hard to be perfect too, yea, then a pill addiction would probably come along…but no, I didn’t nod along to the UPS guy, haha. At least there’s that?
Addie Pray August 16, 2013, 5:07 pm
Hahaha pills and UPS guys, niiiice
Addie Pray August 16, 2013, 5:17 pm
Here are reasons why I think I’d like being a SAHM (and considering I have never been a SAH anything, you may enjoy my misconceptions about what being a SAHM means): I like kids; I want kids; I like cleaning and organizing; I like going to the grocery store and making food; I like wearing yoga pants and no make up everywhere; I like working out in the middle of the work day; I ilke running errands during the weekdays; I like the idea of being able to be home on, say, a Monday morning, so the cable guy can come (currently I can only meet service people on weekends which means there’s a wait); I’d like to not be the one to worry about providing money-wise for a change (that’s exhausting and pressuring and stressful); I like variety in my day and if I were a SAHM I could go to the park, go to the book store for story time, stay in or go here or there, etc. (sitting in this office all day, every day is tiring).
Why I may hate being a SAHM (again, with my idea of what that means): I go stir crazy if I don’t interact with people throughout the, and interacting with a baby might not give me the same sense of interacting with “people”; I can get lazy if I don’t have structure and rules and could slip into lazy ville without the structure of my day job; I like to feel helpful and, ok, fine, important, and would I feel that way at home where the toddler may not give me a good review and raise?; I’ve never relied on others for $ so I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable knowing that my husband had all the burden of providing for me; … That’s it, I think.
Northern Mermaid August 16, 2013, 5:29 pm
These are all well thought out reasons. They are much better than mine which are mainly based around the fact that babies can’t talk.
lemongrass August 16, 2013, 6:43 pm
For me, all of your pro’s are true. Yoga pants as we speak. In fact, I’m going to go take off my bra because I can. About the interacting with people thing- I have more meaningful conversations than I did while I was working. All those convos were about work or chitchat but now when I talk to other adults (which is a lot, making friends is way easier now than it was pre-baby) we are free to discuss whatever we want. It’s like all convos are the ones you have off work, because I’m always outside of the workplace.
Wendy August 16, 2013, 6:54 pm
Yeah, this idea that SAHMs don’t have adult interaction is preposterous. I interact way, way more with other adults now than I did before I became a mom. You have to get your kid out and about otherwise s/he and you both go nuts, and if you are out with a young child, it is inevitable that you will interact with a shit-ton of people. And eventually you make real friendships and have meaningful conversations with some of those people. My social life has been much enriched by becoming a mom. I can’t walk down the street these days without seeing someone I know.
Addie Pray August 17, 2013, 12:25 am
Well, like, I said, I’ve never been a SAH anything so I don’t know. I *assume* it involves a lot less adult interaction because the times I have stayed home (e.g. sick on a random workweek – more like faking it but still – or when I stay in all weekend), I go literally hours without adult (or any human) interaction and I start to go nuts; I need to take myself to the store just for some contact. But the difference is on those days, I guess, I’m slumming it – laying in bed all day, watching TV, etc. After too much of that, anyone is bound to go stir crazy. Anyhoo, I am just guessing on the sorts of things that may come up – I guarantee there are 100s of things I haven’t thought about and 100s of the things I have thought about don’t apply.
That said, I know I’d need some sort of a side project – whether consulting or something – to keep me entertained. but i dunno, i’d have to actually try it; i’m just guessing, really.
but the thing about SAHMs that we can’t always know, sometimes it’s not their choice, sometimes people want to be but can’t – it’s a luxury to be able to stay home while your spouse supports you, so it’s not like just b/c you want it, you get it, or just b/c you don’t want it you don’t have to do it at some point. i dunno, to me there just seem to be SO MANY FACTORS that play into things, i can’t really judge why/how/when/who does it the SAHM thing or not.
all i know with certainty is: i like TV and cheese and wine.
Wendy August 17, 2013, 7:22 am
Yeah, I have to have a side project in order to be a happy SAHM, which is why I do DW. But it seems like most of the SAHMs I know in Brooklyn have side projects they work on, so the culture of stay-at-home-parenthood may be different elsewhere. And, yes, it is totally a luxury to be able to stay home.
Addie Pray August 17, 2013, 7:26 am
i sense sarcasm… i just know families that *need* their double income so even if one spouse wanted to stay home, he/she can’t. i’m not saying it’s luxury to be at home. unless your home is a penthouse in the Trump Tower then maybe it actually is luxurious.
Addie Pray August 17, 2013, 7:33 am
or maybe it’s a luxury to have kids and be able to afford a full-time nanny. with how much it costs to hire a full-time nanny in chicago, maybe being able to work all day and hire a full-time nanny is the luxury.
Wendy August 17, 2013, 8:03 am
I wasn’t being sarcastic. It is a luxury to not have to go to work!
katie August 17, 2013, 10:21 am
oh yea, the whole luxury of one parent staying home is huge, i think. because then you get into class/elitist issues. and the mom’s who say “well, i would love to stay home, i think its objectively better for kids, but i have to work for x, y, z reasons” and then the one low man ship starts, ect…
also, who was it- kerry, i think- who pointed out that even if working is a “wash” money wise (ie you pay as much for daycare as you take home in net income), there are other positives to working that i hadnt thought of, like contributing to retirement. so its not even all about money and if you can “afford” to stay home.
BreezyAM August 17, 2013, 3:42 pm
What freaks me out are the moms I know who ended up in horrible marriages or with dead husbands, and then had to go support their family after being nothing but mom for a decade or more. Despite having great careers before, they were making very meager salaries if any.
And the ones like the previous LW, who married with zero education or career? They were fucked. Completely fucking fucked. Totally fucked. So fucking fucked. If you marry and want to be a SAHM once you get married, with no previous education or career, you best be DAMN sure of the following:
1) your husband is not a secret sleazeball screwing other women behind your back, potentially knocking them up. I have a friend with 5 kids whose husband the minister, who wouldn’t have sex with her anymore because he found her “too old” at 32 (no really) & knocked up some teenager in the church. Ooops. Let me tell you minister salaries are shit for child support.
2) You have a solid savings account, preferably invested, well into the six figures, solely in your name and specified in a prenup as being solely yours in the event of divorce or separation. You do not touch this for any other reason until retirement, or your husband passes a year of unemployment despite aggressive searching. (in absence of aggressive searching, unless due to severe medical/mental health issues, DTMFA).
3) Your husband is educated and has a rock solid career. Not beginning one. As in he’s already well into it.
4) Insurance policies. On him AND you. Imagine the cost of a full time caregiver, cook, and housekeeper if YOU die and your husband has to go on alone as a single parent? Especially as most women in this situation end up doing the lion’s share of the parenting.
Marrying a 19 yr old so you can make babies and stay home when neither of you have education or careers going is the plotline of Idiocracy.
Even under my conditions, it’s still so risky. Shit happens men di feelings change economies go bust. I would never advise my kids to have a 100% dedicated SAHParent. Sure, primary care you bet. But keep your toes in otherwise it’s disaster waiting to happen.
Wendy August 16, 2013, 7:01 pm
AP, I know a couple of SAHMs in the neighborhood who left their jobs as lawyers to stay home and have kids. Their kids are jackson’s age, so still very young, but they hope to start doing consulting work soon and eventually go back to work — once they no longer have kids not in school. I also have some SAHM friends who are psychologists who left their work to stay home and have babies and are slowly staring their own private practices. And I have SAHM friends who are choreographers and writers and actors on the side (being a stay at home mom is especially appealing to people who work in the arts whose careers are flexible and not very lucrative anyway). I guess my point is that there are lots of ways you can stay home with your kids nearly full-time and still keep at least a toe in the working world and make money of your own.
Bethany August 16, 2013, 8:49 pm
I actually always wanted to be a SAHM. Still do, but it’s never going to be possible for us, and that sucks. It’s part of my hang up on when to have a baby. My mom stayed home until we went to school, and it she was amazing. I’m sure you all are sick of hearing about how much I love my mom, but she was/is a wonderful mother, and she just made it seem so easy and fulfilling and fun. She had lots of other mom friends who were really wonderful. It just seemed ideal to me. It’s probably good that I don’t follow her path exactly, because there’s no way I could live up to the example she set.
CatsMeow August 16, 2013, 10:32 pm
Basically, I am domestically challenged. I wish I had the money to pay for a housekeeper and a personal chef. Me staying home with a kid would accomplish nothing.
Lindsay August 16, 2013, 8:32 pm
I’d be awful at it mostly because I don’t like kids. But even if I did, I’m not patient enough and would end up barricading myself in my room and yelling for everyone to leave me alone.
starpattern August 16, 2013, 4:45 pm
Oh oh! This weekend is going to be fun. I’m going to spectate at an enduro event, whatever that is. I think it means some guys are going to drive their dirt bikes over logs and rocks and do wheelies and stuff. Anyway, I’m going up there with my boyfriend and several of his friends that I have never met, and I will easily be the least experienced biker in the bunch (and probably the only woman on her own bike), soooo I hope they’re patient with me! =/
Fabelle August 16, 2013, 4:50 pm
I feel like my weekend started early because I partied on Wednesday (GG, I wore the maxi skirt AND a semi statement necklace, haha) & was off yesterday, & today was kind of just…a Friday. I feel pretty chill, & my day has been perked up by random encounters (in the cafeteria early today, I looked up from my phone at some guy who was walking by, & he goes, “How are you, miss?” & I’m like, “good, how are you?” & his answer is, “Doin’ good, doing’ good, living my gangsta lifestyle” & that made me laugh because I was not expecting that.)
Anyway, this weekend I am attending a cheese making class with my mom. And then I’m going to a graduation party of my boyfriend’s cousin. And speaking of boyfriend, we’ve been getting a lot “when are you wifeing her?” questions lately… all of the younguns at the party Wednesday were like (to me), “Is he THE ONE?? AWWW” & (to him), “You HAVE to marry her!!! What are you doing???” & it was kind of weird. Then we were out yesterday, & this older woman that my boyfriend crossed paths with stopped him to be all, “GORGEOUS eyes. GORGEOUS” & when he unceremoniously said thanks, she’s like, “you get that a lot, don’t you?” (he does.) And because he’s a charmer, he leans down eye-level with her like, “Ah—youuu get that a lot also, don’t you?” So then we’re standing there awkwardly (okay, I feel awkward) chatting with this woman, & somehow get on the subject of marriage, & now she’s telling him to marry me, this stranger. GAH (no, she was a very nice lady, but I always feel weird because the assumption is he’s dragging his feet, when in reality neither of us are comfortable getting fucking married at the moment)
Anyway, sorry. This was longer than I thought it would be,
TECH August 16, 2013, 4:56 pm
But isn’t the assumption that he’s dragging his feet in not asking you to marry him kind of obnoxious? I am sure you don’t have people coming up to you saying, “What’s wrong with you, Fabelle, stop dragging your feet and marry him!” People’s assumptions about marriage are so sexist. It’s annoying.
Fabelle August 16, 2013, 4:59 pm
Yep 🙁 (I’d say more, but it’s 4:59, so that’s all for now. haha)
veritek33 August 16, 2013, 4:55 pm
I have a third date with the coach tomorrow! I’m thinking a trip to tour our state capitol and some ice cream afterward. Or maybe I’ll bust out the grill and make a yummy dinner and we can hit the local nature trail. Either way, yay for third dates with cute boys!
Ladybug August 16, 2013, 4:56 pm
I’m about to leave the office and go meet a guy for drinks. He’s the brother-in-law of one of my best friends and we hit it off at her wedding last spring. I’m curious to see what kind of vibe I get tonight–chances are he just wants to catch up while he’s in town, but there was some chemistry/interest last time we met. We’ll see!
Other than that, my weekend involves a dental appointment (ugh!) and a bike ride along the Potomac if the weather stays this nice (yay!).
Northern Mermaid August 16, 2013, 5:03 pm
Boyfriend’s BFF from college is in town, so we’re entertianing him. Luckily he’s cool. Boyfriend gets back from a work trip today, so that’s exciting.
AKchic_ August 16, 2013, 5:28 pm
And we’re maybe getting together next Thursday to hang out. If I don’t cut myself again – whiskey-battered halibut? The crust is better than beer, I’ve discovered.
Northern Mermaid August 16, 2013, 5:29 pm
YES. I’m excited for this hang out! You all should be jealous. AKchic and I are having a DW meetup in possibly the coolest place in the world. What can I bring?
AKchic_ August 16, 2013, 5:33 pm
Well, if you want veggies – I recommend bringing fresh ones of your own. I’m THISCLOSE to banning them outright after last night.
AKchic_ August 16, 2013, 5:34 pm
And I have cute, cuddly kitties in my house. A 5 year old and a 3 1/2 month old. 3.5 month old is a snuggler.
Northern Mermaid August 16, 2013, 5:39 pm
KITTIES! and kids! and halibut! And I’ll bring veggies. I’m sorry about your thumb. True life: I make my manfriend open all cans.
AKchic_ August 16, 2013, 5:51 pm
SO is as clutzy as I am. I’m better at first aid than he is, and I don’t panic as easily, as evidenced by the situation last night. My mom thought I’d cut my hand, not my thumb. Once the healing has started, we’ll know if there’s nerve damage.
My mom and stepdad are still laughing that I was proud of not getting blood anywhere and continued cooking after bandaging myself up.
mylaray August 16, 2013, 5:07 pm
My fiancé and I don’t really have an anniversary since it was messy at first and we don’t remember when we made it official, so we celebrate our first date each year at the same restaurant. Our first date ended up being a semi disaster with our cars getting towed, so we leave that part out when we recreate it every year.
Anyways this year is extra special since I’m temporarily living 1000 miles away from our home, and we got engaged this year, so tonight I’m flying in so we can go out on our “first date” tomorrow, 3 years later.
sobriquet August 16, 2013, 6:19 pm
How fun! :] I love recreating special dates. My fiancé and I recreated our first date by going to the coffee shop we met at and sitting at the same table (or the table in the same general location) and we plan to do that every year from now on.
Lyra August 16, 2013, 5:23 pm
This weekend, I’ll be watching The Princess Bride (my favorite movie of all time) with the guy I’m seeing after we cook dinner together! We were originally going to do a bike ride too, but his friend is here from out of town right now so he’s going to spend some time with him.
This casual dating/getting to know you/still technically single grey area has been so good for me. I just really enjoy spending time with him and we’ve had time to get to know each other better and hang out more as friends who are seeing each other as opposed to boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m glad he calmed things down and we didn’t just jump right in seeing as that’s what I normally do… The best part is that we’ve both been open and honest with each other. From the way he has approached all of this he is just so mature and I really really like that. 🙂
honeybeenicki August 16, 2013, 5:27 pm
This weekend is the event of the year for me! I wait all year for on particular concert called Band Camp. It’s a full day outdoor event with a ton of bands that is put on by our local radio station. I’ll be honest, I’m not super-excited about this year’s lineup but it’s still damn good for the price. It will be the 9th year and I’m one of the very few people who has been to every single one (the first one in 2004 was tiny). So that will be my Saturday and Sunday will be recovery time.
We have a new girl starting in our office on Monday and my boss keeps reminding me that I need to be on my best behavior for the first week. I love her and she loves me (says I reminder her of herself), but apparently my sense of humor can be a little…sarcastic/brash/inappropriate/awesome. So, I should probably start practicing being on my best behavior. Or I should just call in all week.
Northern Mermaid August 16, 2013, 5:31 pm
I am drinking a beer for GG, and will probably have shower beer as well. I forget why I was complaining about working from home. That was dumb.
AKchic_ August 16, 2013, 5:38 pm
You can complain about the rain, and the carcass-y gift on your porch.
Northern Mermaid August 16, 2013, 5:45 pm
AKchic is referring to the sad dead little warbler I found on my front porch this morning after I ran an errand. I think a neighborhood kitty wants to be adopted into my house or is trying to court one of my kitties. Though, now that I looked at the picture, I think my window on my screen door was just super reflective and he might have flown into the glass.
AKchic_ August 16, 2013, 5:52 pm
GatorGirl August 17, 2013, 8:43 am
Foots August 16, 2013, 6:04 pm
Will be spending the weekend recovering from hospital visit & subsequent miscarriage #2 🙁
LadyinPurpleNotRed August 16, 2013, 6:06 pm
I’m so sorry to hear that.
Wendy August 16, 2013, 6:27 pm
I’m so sorry to hear that.
CatsMeow August 16, 2013, 11:27 pm
Classic August 16, 2013, 11:33 pm
I am sorry.
lemongrass August 17, 2013, 12:22 am
I am so sorry. I hope you have loved ones around you in this hard time.
thewriteway August 16, 2013, 6:06 pm
I just got back from NYC, and let me tell you, I was CRYING this morning because I didn’t want to come back to Dead End Hometown of No Opportunities. Yes, crying. I never thought NYC would suck me in so bad, but meeting my coworkers sealed the deal for me on Wednesday. I had thought about making the move before the meetup, but I wanted to make sure these were people I could stand being around on a regular basis. Everyone who works in that office was so welcoming and I wouldn’t mind spending 1-2 times a week with them. (I work full-time, but even if I do move to NYC, I’m not expected to be in the office everyday unless expectations change or something.)
I plan on breaking my decision to my family this weekend, and in the meantime, I’m going to look into what I can sell for extra money for savings. My sister has also offered to help me look at apartments if I come into the city for a few days again. She has lived there seven years and been in three different places, so I think she knows what she’s doing. 😉 I also have a couple friends there, so I won’t be going in completely blind. I just have to spend some time tying up some loose ends at home, so the move isn’t happening immediately, but it’s on my radar. And I guess I should tell my job my intentions too when I meet with my boss again.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some things I like about Hometown, but for the most part, I need to go where opportunity lies. Being in the NYC office (my job’s main HQ is out west) will help my career, and it’ll help some of the telecommuting isolation. The move is also a chance to start fresh, make new friends, etc. Plus I’ll never be bored and won’t need a car! I just didn’t want to be one of those people who never leaves Hometown or gets out of their comfort zone even temporarily…a few of the people I graduated HS with are clearly still stuck in those days, and it’s kind of lame to me. Not what I’m looking for.
TECH August 16, 2013, 6:09 pm
Congrats! That’s an awesome, major, exciting decision!
sobriquet August 16, 2013, 6:14 pm
I’m all alone this weekend in an empty apartment. N left town yesterday morning and he won’t back until Tuesday. This place is usually so chaotic and busy (living with a golden retriever and 2 messy roommates will do that) but it’s been so peaceful lately. We’ve had the place to ourselves for the past 2 weeks and now it’s just me and my kitten for 5 days. It’s kind of nice to have some time apart, but I seriously don’t know how people in LDR’s survive. It’s not for me. It’s so bizarre how I can enjoy being alone for such a long period of time (I’m an introvert and even in my last few relationships I really cherished spending nights alone) but now that I’m in such a happy relationship, being “alone” at night really means being alone with N. And now for the 1st time in years, being alone-alone feels so… lonely!
Tomorrow evening I have a dinner thing and then my best friend is coming over for a girly night and to figure out wedding stuff. We may get Sunday brunch and hit up the pool the next day, too. I also need to plan N’s birthday. His 30th is next Wednesday and I’m getting him 30 gifts. Mostly little things like craft beers, golf balls and IOU’s for back scratches and the like. I crafted up a birthday banner for him last night, too, while drinking wine and watching ‘I Heart Huckabee’s’. I can’t decide what to do for his actual birthday celebration, though. It’s either a brewery tour followed by Salt Lick and a swimming hole, a wake boarding park, or a swanky driving range where you can rent a little air conditioned space and order drinks while you play.
As for tonight, I’m gonna work out (yay health!), cook the exact same thing I cooked last night because it was so good (grilled lemon-pepper chicken and pasta with spinach in a greek yogurt based sauce) and cut out a bunch of little Mexico’s to modge podge onto some save-the-date postcards. And drink wine, of course!
Pamplemousse Rose August 16, 2013, 7:59 pm
Thats a great gift. When my bff turned 30, I bought her 30 things for $30 from the dollar store, including 1 oven mitt. It was awesome.
Foots August 16, 2013, 6:16 pm
AKchic_ August 16, 2013, 5:32 pm
I’m back-to-school shopping this weekend and working on the agenda for the first RX Take Back meeting of the season. And cleaning. Always cleaning. Mostly laundry. And spending time with my 3rd son since he got back from NJ on Wednesday night/Thursday morning.
And healing. Fucking veggie cans. Never again will I buy cans. Of anything. Ever. They try to kill me. I don’t cut myself throwing knives, but I cut myself opening veggies.
Maybe watching some movies. I don’t know what movie TO watch though. The ongoing dilemma.
AKchic_ August 17, 2013, 7:14 pm
Back-to-school shopping is done. Between shoes, gym shoes, supplies, back packs and the like, I don’t even want to consider how much has been spent this year.
Bethany August 16, 2013, 6:32 pm
How did I managed to miss the SAHM fight?!?
Where have I been?
Cassie B August 16, 2013, 6:40 pm
Me too!! I’m so mad I missed it.
Sue Jones August 16, 2013, 11:42 pm
I missed it too. But we are all just trying to do our best and we do what we need to do. I think most people understand that. Just a few idiots feel the need to polarize about this very personal choice.
lemongrass August 16, 2013, 6:38 pm
Okay whoa, I missed yesterdays shitstorm. I have some things to say but first, some backstory: At 19 I was in college doing a very similar course as the LW, met my now-husband and stopped going after that first year. I knew that I wanted to be a SAHM and Mr. Grass was beginning his career that would be able to support us so after some discussion about the future, etc. I decided the best plan was for me to work crappy jobs until we were ready for kids. All of you long term readers will know that I have an almost 7 month old baby and am loving being a SAHM. So here are my randomly selected thoughts on the topic:
– I have always wanted to be a SAHM and have never known what I would do career-wise if I had one. I think of it like a career. It’s my main job and it is definitely a huge part of my identity but it is not all of my identity.
– It didn’t make financial sense for me to continue my education but that doesn’t mean that it would of been a waste if I decided to continue. I still might! Taking a couple classes, or even getting a degree are not out of the question. Night classes, correspondence classes or regular studies once my kids are in school are all things I haven’t decided on.
– Being a SAHM isn’t for everyone (just like any life choice isn’t for everyone). It is HARD work, harder than I imagined. I never imagined working outside the home as a mom, pre-baby. I understand both sides now and being a working mom doesn’t make you any less of a mom the same way that being a stay at home mom doesn’t make you less of a well-rounded person.
– There is an idea out there that being a SAHM means that you aren’t a “good feminist.” Feminism is about women having choices. Wanting all women to work outside of the home or looking down on SAHMs is against feminist values- you are taking AWAY women’s choices by doing so.
Okay, now that that’s over, I also just got back from traveling and didn’t sleep for 10 hours last night. E had his immunizations today and also his first cookie. Guess which one he liked better. Mr. Grass and I are going to be canning pickles tomorrow and I promise I will go for a run sometime in the next couple days.
Cassie B August 16, 2013, 6:39 pm
I love your last paragraph, Wendy. I’m pretty sure I snickered when I read it.
Painted_lady August 16, 2013, 7:00 pm
This weekend is my derby league’s beach weekend! I live in the beach town, so all my teammates are coming to my turf and drinking up a storm and getting sunburned and doing silly things all weekend long. We kick off tonight with a trip to the gay bar behind my house to see the drag show, and after that there’s always dancing. I’m so excited!
Monday is back to school – I’m oddly excited for this year! I have one campus and three subjects (first time it’s all stuff I’ve taught before), and they’ve added an extra classroom for one of my classes (floral design again, actually, after a year off). Turns out it was the computer storage room and I discovered two beautiful almost-new iMacs sitting in a cabinet….guess who’s converting to Mac this year!!!! I just need to figure out how to get my Outlook set up, and fortunately one of my best friends is the campus IT guy. So far, it looks to be a good year again.
Lyra August 17, 2013, 9:31 am
That’s really exciting! School and iMacs and one campus and familiar classes and everything!! Good luck as you start the year. 🙂 I still have another two weeks until I start teaching again, though I have a lot of prep work and required work work that I have to do before that point.
LadyinPurpleNotRed August 17, 2013, 10:20 am
I’m a grad student, but we teach a couple classes each semester starting the second year and we have training for two days next week (and then classes starting the week after). I wasn’t scared when things were abstract…now I’m slightly terrified!
Foots August 16, 2013, 7:30 pm
Thank you, too, Wendy. Got 2 more weeks till I go to the beach, tho…yaay!! Painted, u are lucky to live near one!!
Painted_lady August 16, 2013, 7:43 pm
Actually….I’m not huge on the beach. And ours is kind of gross. But I do love the water, and there’s quite a bit that isn’t all mixed up with gross sand, so me and my kayak have a lot of fun.
Niki August 16, 2013, 7:35 pm
This weekend: A good friend from law school is getting married, and my mom is watching the little one, so FI and I have some adult-only time to look forward to. Yay!
AS far as the SAHM thing goes, I’ll never understand why people waste energy judging people for something that does not effect them in any way shape or form. I mean seriously, whether someone chooses to work or stay home after baby is not a referendum on your choice. I think it’s probably the most ridiculous thing moms judge each other on and, frankly, I don’t give two fucks what someone else thinks about my choice.
Lindsay August 16, 2013, 8:28 pm
I’m also scared about the SAHM mom stuff even though I didn’t say anything bad. I think I missed the really bad stuff because all I saw was like one person saying it was weird the LW went to college.
Anyway. This is my first weekend in Iowa. Have nothing to do. I did cook myself a decent dinner, which is exciting because it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to do that, since I always used to work during dinnertime. Supposedly my roommate’s friend has people over to watch Breaking Bad on his projector, so I hope that happens this weekend.
CatsMeow August 16, 2013, 10:37 pm
I’m on vacation, y’all! But tomorrow I head back to St. Louis. I’m going to see a band play the night I get back. Then I have to buy all my books for fall, and I have homework due my first day of class and a paper due at the end of the week. Lame.
Sue Jones August 16, 2013, 11:38 pm
My son has his birthday party tomorrow. Please send me lots of energy that I survive the party with the eight 10 year old boys… I am going to do yoga, and plan my big 14er hike which will most likely require childcare… and leaving the house at 5AM… My husband also leaves town for a week on Sunday so wish me luck single parenting and working! School doesn’t start until Thursday….
Classic August 16, 2013, 11:42 pm
Sending energy! Good luck!
Sue Jones August 16, 2013, 11:43 pm
trixy minx August 17, 2013, 4:19 am
Woo another Coloradoian!
paperheart August 17, 2013, 1:24 am
Well, today Ella spilled my apple juice on the laptop that B and I share while I was in the bathroom. It’s ruined, so we have to get a new one. I guess that’s what I get for bragging about her on the deleted post? haha. So if there are any typos in this post, it’s because I’m typing this on my phone.
Also, we’ve decided to go to B’s boss’s son’s wedding. Thanks to BGM and katie and GG (sorry if I left anyone out) for pointing out that we should go. I hate to use being young/inexperienced as an excuse, but this is the first carrer job that he’s ever had, and I’ve never had one. So I don’t think either of us really “get” the concept of going to a wedding being a good carrer move. But I really appreciate y’all pointing it out! I guess we’ll get the hang of seeing these things for ourselves, eventually 🙂
katie August 17, 2013, 10:24 am
aw yay im really glad you guys are going to go! schmooze it up!!
trixy minx August 17, 2013, 4:12 am
Woah which let’s did this happen on?
trixy minx August 17, 2013, 4:13 am
Woah which letter did this happen on?
GatorGirl August 17, 2013, 8:51 am
I want to be a SAHM, I love just about everything domestic and I can’t wait to have the babies!
We booked a hotel in Tampa tonight while drinking last night. Whoops! We’re heading down for the Yuengling Brewery tour and then to hit up our favorite brewery, Cigar City. Horray beer!
GatorGirl August 17, 2013, 8:53 am
Also Wendy, I totally read virgIN dragon, not virgO dragon. Gave me a good chuckle.
spark August 18, 2013, 8:46 pm
I’d love to be a SAHM too! When we have kids, I hope our financial situation will allow it!
shanshantastic August 17, 2013, 11:45 am
I have to jump to the bottom and chime in – we’re getting ready to go to a memorial “thing” (a luncheon, I guess?) and I’ve been up with little A since 7:30 making food for it (and for my lunches next week). I went back to work this week, PT, and it’s totally weird. I love it even more now when I get to stay at home with him.
SAHM – I never thought I would want to be one, but now that I have a baby of my own I wish I could do it full-time. That’s my five-year plan, especially because I’m strongly considering homeschooling. However, I do absolutely have a side gig already and would find something where I could work from home as well. I need to feel fulfilled on a personal level, as Shanshantastic as well as “Shanshantastic, the mother and wife”.
Oh, and I’m a Virgo tiger, Wendy – birthday’s in 12 days!
MMcG August 17, 2013, 3:46 pm
Wendy- when you do your write up next week could you include/clarify where you live in Brooklyn? I ask because the Park Slope mom is kinda becoming shorthand for over involved helicopter parents and from some blogs I’ve read it seems crazy judgmental and competitive and I couldnt handle that. yet your experience, meeting new friends and expanding your community sounds amazing. and just what I hope happens to me someday… but I’m curious as to how to find the support without finding the judgy.
And in case ive offended anyone, my apologies, ive sampled some mom blogs from various places, albeit mostly urban/suburban enclaves around major cities. and the judgement is nuts. women openly telling other new parents that they arent good enough or dont care about wee baby because they only got the $300 stroller not the $1000 one. and forget actual parenting issues like breastfeeding or attachment parenting… you would think some peoples choices were akin to murder.
Wendy August 17, 2013, 7:22 pm
I live in Prospect Heights, just next to Park Slope (the border is two blocks from us), and it’s funny how great the divide is, at least in an emotional sense, between the PH parents and PS parents. Really, we’re probably more alike that we’re comfortable admitting but I will say that all of the mom friends I’ve made hail from the PH despite how geographically close I live to PS. That said, I’ve definitely met some lovely people in park slope and i belong to a email listserv for PS parents and for the most part everyone has been nice and normal. But I do notice a pretty big difference in attitude at the different playgrounds in that the people — kids, parents, and nannies — are much, much friendlier and more approachable in PH.
CatsMeow August 18, 2013, 3:17 am
So happy to be home! You know what my plans are for tomorrow? NOTHING. I am purposely going to do NOTHING.
I almost got arrested at the airport in Florida today. Also, my ears have been clogged for months. I’m taking sudafed, Flonase, and Claritin. My doctor put me on prednisone too. He said my ear drums are bulging because there is so much fluid in my ears. Prednisone did not help. Then I got on a plane and I thought my head was going to explode. MY EARS HURT. That is all.
That is not all. I’m going to tell a story… and I am going to hell for laughing. But there was a lady with tourette syndrome on my plane. She kept making barking noises, followed by random words. Lots of them were cuss words. But what I found interesting was that she would repeat words she heard. So on the plane, they said cockpit. Naturally, she was like, “BARK! COCK! COCK! Faggot. BARK!” I’ve seen documentaries and things about people with severe tourettes, but this was my first personal experience with someone who had it. I was fascinated, to say the least. Also, I have the humor of a 14-year-old boy, so hearing someone yell “cock” on a crowded plane tickled my funny bone.
CatsMeow August 18, 2013, 7:32 am
Oh. And the “point” of my story, if there is one, is that I feel like a horrible person for having trouble stifling my giggles. I can’t imagine living with a condition like that. I watched a video on YouTube and a guy with Tourette’s said that he can’t ever go anywhere unnoticed. That’s one of my personal worst nightmares.
d2 August 18, 2013, 4:52 pm
Oh god, the ear thing – I had that two months ago. I have bad sinuses so I am continuously on sudafed and flonase anyway, but then my ears filled up. I missed a couple days of work because of the pain. I can’t imagine getting on a plane with that. They put me on a several week course of antibiotics and prednisone before it went away.
Yay for going home. I start getting antsy after about a week away from home, even if I am having fun on the trip.
CatsMeow August 18, 2013, 9:22 pm
I honestly thought my ear drums might rupture from the pressure in the plane. The pain moved from my ears to my sinuses and it felt like my head was going to explode. Last time I was at the doctor, he said they weren’t infected, so I haven’t been on antibiotics…yet. I can’t imagine the fluid can sit there forever without eventually growing some bacteria though. I have bad allergies and sinus problems too; the Flonase and Claritin are a daily routine, with the prednisone and sudafed thrown in because of my recent ear problem. My ears have ALWAYS been freakishly sensitive to pressure changes. I might just suck it up and go to an ENT.
landygirl August 18, 2013, 10:05 pm
I am also a Virgo Dragon.