Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Shortcuts: “Should I Propose to my Boyfriend/ Ex-Husband/ Father of my Children?”

It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss popping the question, singles night for a not-so-single guy, and one’s celebrity allow list.

I have been with the same guy for fifteen years we have two kids together. We were married for five years then divorced for one year and have been back together for two years. We live together now and his mom lives with us. He says that he has been thinking of marriage again. I am 32 and he is 31 and I know he’s not the type to propose because he didn’t last time — he just took me to the justice of peace and said we were getting married. I am thinking of proposing to him. Do you think I should? And if he says no do you think I should leave? — Twice Shy

 
You should take him to the justice of the peace and tell him you’re getting married and if he says no, you should say, “Well, why the hell not? We’ve been together for 15 years, married and divorced already, have two kids together, and your mom lives with us!” And if he still says no, go home and live your life and be happy your kids get to enjoy living with both parents who, although not married, have a good relationship.

Is it normal for my partner to go to singles’ nights with his single mates at the age of 52? Singles nights are discos and drinking where single people go to meet other single people, FYI. — Not a Single

 
It’s not normal for a partnered person to go to an event where the sole purpose is to meet singles. If he wants to hang with his single friends, I’m sure there are other activities that don’t raise eyebrows as much as this. But then again, “Discos and Drinking” does sound pretty fun, so maybe you should tag along with him and let everyone know your guy is taken.

I’m 50 and with someone my own age and we have an incredible relationship and tremendous chemistry. However (isn’t there always one of those?), it bugs me that she is constantly looking at other men and saying “Mmmmm….” or “yummy” or “nice butt.” I can deal with that, but she also expects me to understand that if she ever had the chance to sleep with certain celebrities, she’d have to. I appreciate that she is open about her attraction to men, but it makes me feel like she’s settling. I am living my fantasy with her, and wouldn’t trade a single moment with her for one with anyone else. I know that sounds silly, but it’s true. Is that a sign of her being unsatisfied with my appearance, or am I supposed to be happy that she is still very sexual at her age? — Not a Celebrity

 
Telling you she things some random guy looks “yummy” is weird and you should tell her it makes you uncomfortable and ask her to stop. The celebrity thing is something everyone does, right? I mean, don’t you have a “list”? I do! There’s Ryan Gosling, yum, yum, yum. And James Franco, hello. And Lenny Kravitz, hubba, bubba. Brad Pitt still does for me, Missouri pride. Javier Bardem, Hola! And, dear God, I’m so ashamed, but if I were 15 years younger: Nick Jonas. Sick, right? But, mark my words, give him another ten years and ol’ boy’s gonna be freakin’ hot.

Who’s on YOUR list??

***************

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

156 comments… add one
  • avatar

    muffy October 19, 2012, 9:06 am

    Hmm LW 3 I agree with you. Personally I don’t need to hear who else my SO finds attractive. I’m aware they find other people attractive I just don’t need to hear it -even celebrities. I save that kind of talk for when I’m around my friends. I find it rude and annoying to hear and frankly makes me feel like I’m not good enough (yes even celebrities) Next time your SO brings something up like that let her know that it really bothers you when she says those things to you especially since she’s your fantasy. I don’t think she’d get mad when you word it like that.

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    • avatar

      csp October 19, 2012, 9:10 am

      I think it is all about how much it comes up in conversation. Like, I have been with my husband for YEARS so I know his celebrity crushes and what he likes because it comes up every once and awhile. My husband even grew a beard because he knew I liked Joe Magniello from True blood. If this comes up weekly then it is a problem. If it is once and while, I would just let it lie.

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    • SixtyFour

      SixtyFour October 19, 2012, 9:22 am

      Yeah, I can understand why this guy would find it hurtful for he SO to say these things. He explains it perfectly in his letter: that he understands that she’s going to be attracted to other men, he just doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s not asking her to change how she feels, but just to be respectful of his feelings. And no LW, I don’t think that your SO saying these things means she is dissatisfied with you. She is just physcially attracted to lots of different people, but she is physcially, romantically, sexually and emotionally attracted to you – that’s why she’s with you. If it came up again and you were to say, “you know, I love that you are so connected with your sexuality, but I like to live in ignorant bliss thinking that I’m the man you find most physically attractive” maybe she’d get it.

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    • avatar

      Emma October 19, 2012, 12:36 pm

      Yeah, it sounds like she doesn’t realize how much it’s bothering LW3. My boyfriend and I are always doing this (it helps that we’re both bisexual), so it’s kinda a normal thing for some people. I’m sure she doesn’t mean to make you feel bad, and thinks it’s just innocent fun. Just say something next time she does it. She’s with you; I’m sure there’s a reason. :]

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  • avatar

    Amanda October 19, 2012, 9:12 am

    I suddenly have the urge to go to a disco to drink and tell people that they are “yummy”. I love these shortcuts today!

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    • avatar

      lemongrass October 19, 2012, 11:16 am

      You mean you don’t already? Standard tuesday night!

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  • avatar

    csp October 19, 2012, 9:12 am

    I think your celebrity crushes say ALOT about who you are. I like my guys Big. Think Kellan Lutz or Joe Manganellio ( I had to look up the spelling of that).

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    • avatar

      pamplemousse October 23, 2012, 8:55 am

      Mmm, Kellan Lutz.

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  • avatar

    ackgirl October 19, 2012, 9:15 am

    LW3- Your girlfriend sounds incredibly immature and annoying. That said, I would’nt worry about celebrities, those guys are not out to nail some 50 year-old broad.

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    • avatar

      muffy October 19, 2012, 9:28 am

      Your comment rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t think he’s worried about someone coming along and taking her – just that he feels inadequate when told others are sexy etc..

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    • avatar

      SweetPeaG October 19, 2012, 10:56 am

      Yea, I know what ackgirl is saying.. but I believe she missed the point a bit. (Sorry, just my opinion!)
      ALSO, I hate that as we age, society considers us undesirable. I don’t like that her age was pointed out in that way. “Some 50 year-old broad”… EWW, who would want to have sex with her?!
      At 31, it’s already difficult enough to realize that society thinks my peak of attractiveness was 5 to 10 years ago. So, let’s try to put a stop to that attitude.

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      • avatar

        muffy October 19, 2012, 11:16 am

        That’s exactly what I was getting at! Women shouldn’t be putting each other down like that because one day we’re all going to be 50 (knock on wood).

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      • avatar

        Mandy S October 19, 2012, 11:47 am

        Also – Geena Davis, Kim Basinger, Michelle Pfeiffer. All gorgeous women over 50. Don’t get me started on over-60 Meryl Streep!! How about “they’ll never meet,” rather than this tired ageism nonsense. Never hear anyone say that about older guys (who, by the way, I find universally revolting – personal preference, what can I say? 😉

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      • avatar

        muffy October 19, 2012, 12:12 pm

        I like em all as long as they re big and hairy – which is unlikely under 25 and over 50 but I’m willing to go for outliers 😉

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      • avatar

        muffy October 19, 2012, 12:13 pm

        I should qualify big to mean muscular and not fat lol

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      • avatar

        Oldie October 19, 2012, 12:47 pm

        And a lot of 50-year old men will find you very attractive, but very few 25-year old men will. That’s just life. There also aren’t a ton of 25-year old women falling over themselves to date 50-year old men. Someone who thinks you are super sexy at 25 will likely feel the same way when you’re 50, but his son likely will not. Why is it such a big deal to accept that obvious fact.

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  • avatar

    MMcG October 19, 2012, 9:44 am

    #1 on my list… Eddie Cahill (played Jim Craig in Miracle, which means he helped beat the Ruskies — and he now saves people on CSI NY). Dark hair and blue eyes are YUMMY, though it was little awkward when we saw him in person on the streets of LA 🙂 And yes my SO has his list too… nothing wrong with the celebrity crush!

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    • avatar

      Rouge October 19, 2012, 1:55 pm

      I absolutely find him so sexy! He took one class at my university (I was a student too). And I was the one proctoring the class (college algebra, and the professor was a nice blind lady who I work for 2 years) anyway, he was getting ready for the Miracle movie, so he had long hair. Such a nice looking guy. One secret: I was correcting one of his test and yes I helped a bit on giving him points for some of his answers. DO NOT TELL ANYONE!!!
      I like Matt Bomer from White Collar too, to bad he is also on my best friend list too (his name is JOSH)

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle October 19, 2012, 9:46 am

    LW3’s girlfriend sounds like one of those uncomfortably inappropriate older ladies. Or hilariously inappropriate. Could go either way? But yeah, you have every right to ask her to dial it down.

    My boyfriend & I talk about people we find attractive all the time, but it’s more of a people-watching thing. I’m sure if I was saying things like “Mmmm, I’d like to ride that guy’s face” then he’d be a little upset. You just need to draw some boundries.

    As for the other letters… LW2, maybe your husband is just being a wingman? Did any of his friends recently lose a spouse or get divorced? I can see this maybe being an innocent thing. But Wendy’s right– why don’t you tag along one night?

    LW1: ….sure. Propose to him.

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  • avatar

    ktfran October 19, 2012, 9:46 am

    Zac Efron. I don’t care that he’s ten years younger than me. That boy is hot.

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    • avatar

      ktfran October 19, 2012, 10:41 am

      I also like the Ryan’s (Gosling and Reynold). Michael Fassbender is a babe. Paul Rudd. Timothy Olyphant. I’m sure there are more.

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      • JK

        JK October 19, 2012, 10:46 am

        Ooh, I forgot about Paul Rudd. I should add him to my list.

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      • avatar

        ktfran October 19, 2012, 10:56 am

        He gets better and better with age. But I loved him in Clueless.

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      • JK

        JK October 19, 2012, 10:59 am

        Hell I even liked him when he was fat and bearded in The Oh in Ohio.

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      • MaterialsGirl

        MaterialsGirl October 19, 2012, 3:38 pm

        i liked that movie!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 10:56 am

        I’d take Reynolds over Gosling any day.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 9:53 am

    Is it weird that Meryl Streep is Numero Uno on my list? I’m in love with her. Others include Tina Fey, Jimmy Kimmel, Brad Pitt (I get it, Wendy, I totally do), Diane Lane (so beautiful, right?), Leonardo DiCaprio (fuck off, I’m loyal, I’ve been with Leo since his days on Growing Pains), and Billy Crudup (oh my I love him so, it was Charlotte Grey that did it to me). There’s more but that is what comes to mind. (Btw, I’m bisexual in my celebrity fantasies, obvs).

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 10:12 am

      I thought of more: Shia Labeouf (I like his face – a perfect combo of boyish *and* manly, somehow), Jon Hamm (duh, and go Missouri go!), Jason Stackhouse (preferably sans shirt – I don’t even know that actors name, i don’t care), and Hope Solo (US goalie – she’s sexy, right? But I heard her talk once and it was a total boner killer).

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      • avatar

        Christy October 19, 2012, 10:21 am

        Unf Hope Solo is totally on my list. Maya Moore is my #1 athlete though.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 10:24 am

        Oh fuck me I almost forgot about my biggest celebrity crush du jour: Josh Brolin! Actually, a 3-way with Diane would be cool. Though, I know I’d be too intimidated, so maybe they’d just let me watch. Oh, and Elizabeth Banks. I don’t usually go for blondes but I like that actress. She strikes me as smart and with a good personality. The line between my desire to have sex v. be friends with these celebrities is a little fuzzy.

        I have *got* to start working. Stat.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 10:31 am

        Oh and duh, Rahm Emanuel.

        Ok, *now* I have to get to work. Wendy, now is not a good time for me to be so distracted by celebrity fantasies. I have SOFA KING much work to get out the door before I leave for the weekend.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 10:33 am

        CONFESSION: Tim McGraw is on my list. THIS IS TOP SECRET. MY LIBERAL ARTSY FARTSY FUCKING HIPSTERY FRIENDS WILL DISOWN ME IF THEY FIND OUT.

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      • avatar

        ktfran October 19, 2012, 10:43 am

        Dude he’s effing hot. So is Luke Bryan. Acutally, most country singers are. I think I should move to Nashville and pick up an up and coming dude. Seriously.

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      • avatar

        SweetPeaG October 19, 2012, 11:21 am

        Most country singers are hot. Totally agreed. But, I know part of my love for them are those accents. I can’t help it… I love a Southern country boy accent.

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      • avatar

        ktfran October 19, 2012, 11:40 am

        And the plaid shirts. And tight jeans. And scruffy faces. I’m smiling just thinking about it.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 11:44 am

        I do like all of those things. (Btw, sorry to LW1, LW2, and LW3, I am in celebrity crush mode – can’t offer up my wise advice, which, let’s face it, would just be something about my new sweet boyfriend.)

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      • avatar

        SweetPeaG October 19, 2012, 12:29 pm

        If you move to Nashville and pick up hot up and coming country singers, can you start a blog about your adventures?

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      • avatar

        ktfran October 19, 2012, 2:17 pm

        For sure! Maybe I’ll post photos of the ones I meet and people can choose. Like a blog bachelor of some sort!?!

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      • theattack

        the attack October 19, 2012, 11:35 am

        Yes, move to Nashville!! 🙂

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      • avatar

        ktfran October 19, 2012, 11:40 am

        Or at least visit!

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      • call-me-hobo

        call-me-hobo October 19, 2012, 2:33 pm

        ktfran- come to Nashville! Luke Bryan just had a free concert on the riverfront. There was a sea of bra’s unleashed upon the stage.

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      • avatar

        ktfran October 19, 2012, 2:40 pm

        I bet. He is one good looking guy. This Nashville idea is sounding better and better.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass October 19, 2012, 11:19 am

        Toby Keith is on mine! My husband says he has a small dick.

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      • avatar

        ktfran October 19, 2012, 10:44 am

        Ooh, I saw Diane Lane on Saturday in Sweet Bird of Desire at the Goodman. Pretty amazing.

        So, AP, she’s in Chicago right now . . . .

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 10:51 am

        I heard she was in town! While here she went to see a play that a friend of mine directed *and* she went to a yoga class that another friend was in. I feel like I’m destined to run into her… I should be ready for that encounter so I know what to say. Remember when Ross blew it with Isabella? Haha.

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      • JK

        JK October 19, 2012, 10:56 am

        Yeah, remember not to laminate your list, just in case. 🙂

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      • avatar

        bethany October 19, 2012, 11:21 am

        You never know when Isabella Rosalini might show up!

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      • avatar

        tbrucemom October 19, 2012, 1:08 pm

        And according to Friends you can only have 3 on your list, so here I go:

        1. Jon Bon Jovi
        2. Jensen Ackles (from Supernatural TV series)
        3. Hugh Jackman

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      • SarahKat

        SarahKat October 19, 2012, 11:35 am

        I talked to Josh Brolin at an art museum a few years ago (talked as in, he asked me when the next tour was starting) and he’s pretty hot. Shorter than you would think, but hot.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 11:48 am

        That kind of reminds me of this amazing conversation I had with Hilary Clinton once. I shook her hand and told her I loved her, and she said “thank you” – but, like, in the most sincere voice ever. She may have said “thank you very much” but by then I couldn’t hear anything because I was distracted by the orgasm happening in my pants.

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      • SarahKat

        SarahKat October 19, 2012, 11:54 am

        Lol! I she gets that all the time. When I met Kathy Griffin at a book signing, I just went up to her and said “I’m in love with you.” and she’s like “So sweet! Thank you!” and then I go “No…really.” and then she looked weirded out and I was ushered away.

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      • bagge72

        bagge72 October 19, 2012, 1:53 pm

        I met Tatiana Ali (Ashley Banks) at a bar I use to work at in Boston, when she went to Harvard, tried to talk to her, but I almost peed my pants, so I just said hi watched her get hammered, and chain smoke! I did talk to Ted Kennedy in NH though, he use to rent a cabin at this place across the street my parents house in NH. I bet you girls would have loved to get a piece of that ass.

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  • avatar

    Anna October 19, 2012, 9:55 am

    Is it just me or is it really weird for a guy to randomly take his girlfriend to the justice of the peace and tell her they are getting married as if she doesn’t have a choice? That would freak me out a lot. A gentleman is supposed to ask for a woman’s hand in marriage, not demand it.

    No, it’s not normal for people in relationships to go to singles events or to tell their SO which random guys on the street have nice asses. The whole celebrity thing is pretty innocent because honestly what are the chances that a super hot rich celebrity is going to be interested in an average-looking middle class person? Or even be around middle class people ever? IMO, people of the same socioeconomic class can be perceived as a much bigger threat than celebrity crushes because they’re far more attainable. And on top of my list is Channing Tatum. Yum.

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  • LK7889

    LK7889 October 19, 2012, 9:55 am

    I guess I must be in the minority that thinks it’s ok to talk about people you are attracted to with your SO. To me it’s funny and a good chance to tease (playfully). For instance, my SO is really attracted to Floor Jansen and I tease him about it saying that I guess he has to be a Nightwish fan now, haha (he used to really hate Nightwish).

    Anyways, I think that people who do this do it because they are comfortable with and trust their significant others! Either way, if it hurts someone’s feelings, then it’s disrespectful and shouldn’t be done. And in a healthy relationship, you have to speak up and say something if you don’t like what your SO is doing.

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle October 19, 2012, 10:09 am

      No, I’m with you. My S/O & I like talking about it together because it’s fun and interesting. We’ll even send each other celeb pictures of people we know the other likes. No big deal! It can definitely be done in an obnoxious way though, I guess, which is why the guy in the letter is bothered.

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    • JK

      JK October 19, 2012, 10:31 am

      Arturo and I joke about it all the time, we each know the others crushes, so when we see a movie with any of them the kidding begins.

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    • avatar

      muffy October 19, 2012, 11:20 am

      I guess it’s a preference thing. The thing is both parties should be comfortable with it and in this case they’re not

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    • avatar

      lemongrass October 19, 2012, 11:23 am

      The entire time my husband and I watched LOST (which really, was about a week or two but felt like 3 years slipped by) I told him how much I would totally do Jack. My sisters were saying “really? You said that? But Sawyer is so hot!” My husband would tease me about it- it didn’t make him feel insecure (I asked!) Although he doesn’t ever comment on women or check them out in front of me, I’m more likely to say how pretty a woman is. He usually just says he prefers me.

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      • avatar

        SweetPeaG October 19, 2012, 11:33 am

        LOL… I would do Jack as well. But, Sawyer is indeed, where it’s at (see my below post about my adoration of that man). But, I’d also do Sayid. Apparently, if I were on the island, I’d be getting around quite a bit.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass October 19, 2012, 11:47 am

        This calls for some Garfunkel and Oates.
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIl0rYbW_hU

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      • avatar

        Rachel October 19, 2012, 12:09 pm

        Hahahaha. I freaking love them. I hadn’t seen this one.

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      • avatar

        SweetPeaG October 19, 2012, 12:12 pm

        I love Garfunkel and Oates.
        Add them to my celebrity crush list.

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      • Lady_Red

        Red_Lady October 19, 2012, 8:23 pm

        Man, Sayid was sexy!! His scenes with Shannon were so steamy!

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      • avatar

        bethany October 19, 2012, 11:50 am

        I prefer Jack to Sawyer… Blond guys don’t do it for me.

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      • avatar

        SweetPeaG October 19, 2012, 12:03 pm

        Usually, I don’t go for blondes either. However, I have a secret problem where I love the annoying cliche of bad boy with a heart of gold. Ugh… I know. He just made me want to love him. Plus, his character was pretty hilarious. And the muscles.

        But, I do hear the Jack thing. He is very handsome.

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      • avatar

        Rachel October 19, 2012, 12:06 pm

        Jack? No, Sayid is where it’s at.

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      • JK

        JK October 19, 2012, 12:07 pm

        YES!!! I loved Sayid.

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      • avatar

        SweetPeaG October 19, 2012, 12:15 pm

        For the record, I did state above that I’d also do Sayid 😉

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    • theattack

      the attack October 19, 2012, 11:42 am

      We do it to an extent too. I know about all of his middle school sex dreams about Ginger Spice, and he knows I want to get busy with my favorite Lord of the Rings character. But I don’t think it means anyone’s insecure if they don’t want to hear about it. I can’t tolerate hearing about his previous sex partners, but it’s not like I’m afraid they’re coming back, ya know? The mental picture is worse than the knowledge.

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    • avatar

      Lindsay October 19, 2012, 1:32 pm

      I can see maybe discussing people sometimes. My gentleman friend seems to think he’s really fantastic at determining which men are attractive or not, so he likes to compare thoughts. But I think sitting around and randomly declaring someone “yummy” is weird because it’s like you’re thinking aloud instead of having a fun conversation with your SO.

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  • avatar

    Christy October 19, 2012, 10:00 am

    Yeah, I totally know my gf’s list of celebrities. Sometimes it’s a little weird because a lot of them (all of them?) are dudes, but I pretty well get over it.

    We also have a joke list that is guys I like (I’m gay, she’s bi) that’s based on the guys I used to have crushes on. Number one on the list? Phil Kessel from the Toronto Maple Leafs. My gf actually got me his tshirt for my birthday this year and I’m wearing it now, lol.

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  • avatar

    bethany October 19, 2012, 10:16 am

    Adam Levine, Matt Bomer (I dont’ care if he’s gay. He’s SMOKIN’), Brad Pitt (from Fight Club times, not currently) and if I’m going Bi for celebs, like AP, then Marissa Miller (the Victoria’s Secret model).

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  • JK

    JK October 19, 2012, 10:33 am

    Hmm. My main celeb crushes are George Clooney and Robbie WIlliams. There are a lot of others that I might find hot occasionally, but they are the only two I love consistently.

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  • avatar

    MissDre October 19, 2012, 10:35 am

    My celebrity crush is Method Man. I STILL think he’s sexy as hell.

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    • avatar

      MissDre October 19, 2012, 10:36 am

      Oh and Lance Gross, even though I’ve never watched whatever that Tyler Perry show is that he’s on.

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  • avatar

    cdobbs October 19, 2012, 10:38 am

    LW 3…the best part of your letter is this line: “I am living my fantasy with her, and wouldn’t trade a single moment with her for one with anyone else”…that is so sweet…i would kill to have a guy say that to me…as for your problem, it bothers me to when you are with someone and the check out other people in your presence (i think it is disrespectful personally)…i know everyone fantasizes but geeze that is an inside thought! the celebrity crushes are normal too and a lot less threatening…maybe tell your girlfriend it bothers you…if she still does it…well then you have a decision to make (do you want to be treated like that? if not find someone who will treat you the way you treat them)

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  • SarahKat

    sarahkat October 19, 2012, 10:43 am

    Yeah, Wendy and I have the same rules for LW3’s sitch. My boyfriend and I don’t comment on other people on the street we find attractive as a respect thing (although sometimes I’ll point out a girl and go “Holy Hell, her boobs are GIANT” as a novelty because this is LA), but its open season with celebrities. Except we kinda like, cater? our celebrity crushes to fit the other person a little. Like my boyfriend has a crush on Christina Hendricks which is cool with me because she’s crrrvy and I LOVE HER TOO but he wouldn’t tell me if he liked someone really brunette and petite like Kirsten Stewart or Mila Kunis, who aren’t his taste anyway (A true 80’s kid, he likes them blond and busty with neon lyrca). Likewise, I like classic looking guys with broad shoulders like Idris Elba, Jon Hamm, Michael Fassbender, Daniel Craig. etc etc. which works because my boyfriend has a classic guy with broad shoulders feel to him.

    I also sent him the leaked naked pics of Christina Hendricks and Scar Jo when they came out, and he sent me those close up shots of Jon Hamm freeballing it (like I hadn’t seen them already). Love in the age of technology people.

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    • bagge72

      bagge72 October 19, 2012, 1:20 pm

      As an 80’s kid Kelly Kapowski, and Sam Micelli should be his top 2! After that he can work in the 90210 girls, the Charles in Charge girls, and Six from Blossom. Oh Crap forgot about Kelly Bundy! and the girls from California Dream. There is just to many! But yeah those should be his top 2! Then after that he can get into these extra hot new girls like Mila, and Natalie Portman. There are actually way to many hot celebrities to keep track of now a days. Aunt Becky, have mercy! Can’t stop thinking about them now!

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      • SarahKat

        SarahKat October 19, 2012, 1:32 pm

        He LOVES Kelly Kapowski. He’ll send me links to that Bayside Tigers ripped sweatshirt she wore and I’m like, yeah, no, send me some Jessie clothes. He also get’s very sad when he sees Pamela Andersen now so I’m guessing Baywatch was a big hit.

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      • bagge72

        bagge72 October 19, 2012, 1:48 pm

        Yeah it kills me to see Pam that way! Oh and good fun fact she was on an episode of Married with Children in one of Al’s fantasies! I love Jessie Spano, and Lisa Turtle too, but Kelly is just the shit! I think Alyssa Milano though is ever kid from the 80’s number one fantasie.

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      • SarahKat

        SarahKat October 19, 2012, 2:03 pm

        OMG SBTB couples costume idea: The most hated characters: Tori and Jeff.

        I think if I had to guess, my bf’s favorite 80’s crush was either the girl from Weird Science or the chick riding that car in the Whitesnake video.

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      • bagge72

        bagge72 October 19, 2012, 2:24 pm

        Haha that would be the best costume ever! or Nerdstrom, and Hound dog!

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  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom October 19, 2012, 10:52 am

    LW1 You don’t get married because you’ve been together for 15 years or because you’ve already been married once or because you have two kids together or because his mom lives with you.

    You get engaged and married because you are fully, totally committed to spending the rest of your life together. You get married because the commitment is already there; you are so committed that if marriage didn’t exist you would still spend your life together. So if you feel that committed then propose. If you don’t then continue as you are because it is good for your kids as long as it is stable.

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  • avatar

    SweetPeaG October 19, 2012, 11:10 am

    No advice- everyone else is covering it.

    My “list”-
    Josh Holloway (“Sawyer” for anyone that was a LOST fan… it’s the character I think I’d want to sleep with, not the actor. LOST has been over for a while now, and I am still totally smitten).
    David Beckham (he is male physical perfection. If you’re going to have a celebrity list like this, might as well aim for the top).
    Adam Levine, just because… look at him. And he actually seems like a nice person from what I have seen on the Voice (shut up, yea, I watch that and love it).
    And, if anyone has ever watched the show “Hell on Wheels” (so underrated… watch it!), the guy on there, Anson Mount. But again, it would have to be him as that character. Scruffy bad ass cowboy. I saw a picture of him clean shaven and it didn’t hold a candle to his scruffy look.

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    • avatar

      lemongrass October 19, 2012, 11:27 am

      You can have Sawyer. I want Jack! With all that saving he does, you know he wouldn’t give up!

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 11:43 am

      David Beckham *is* male perfection — good call on that one.

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      • avatar

        bethany October 19, 2012, 11:51 am

        His pecs are too little!! I don’t like them. Also he has teeny tiny nips. I dont like that either.

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      • avatar

        MJ October 19, 2012, 12:02 pm

        As long as he doesn’t speak. Ugh.

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      • avatar

        Samantha October 19, 2012, 2:57 pm

        Right!? He sounds like a Monty Python sketch!

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    • avatar

      Rachel October 19, 2012, 12:16 pm

      I used to hate Maroon 5 before I watched the Voice. Now I would totally do Adam Levine. He does seem like a sweetheart…plus, all of those tattoos? yum.

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      • avatar

        SweetPeaG October 19, 2012, 12:37 pm

        Exactly. I think he is very talented, but I always imagined him to be a douche. On the show? He doesn’t seem at all full of himself. And he is always saying sweet things.

        If we are talking the Voice, I am adding Blake Shelton. He’s so tall and manly. And when you add in the goofy sense of humor? Sexyness.

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  • avatar

    jlyfsh October 19, 2012, 11:20 am

    yeah i agree that the doing it to other random people on the street is kind of off putting. i would definitely say something if it made me uncomfortable.

    that being said my celebrity list is: adam levine ( i love the voice too sweetpeag!), ashton kutcher (I KNOW! but he wouldn’t have to talk), and kevin costner.

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  • avatar

    muffy October 19, 2012, 11:26 am

    I like ’em large and hairy – I love Kahl Drogo from Game of Thrones, Joe Mangianello, Wolverine (I know its hugh jackman but he seems so less manly for some reason in his other movies), daniel craig (I know he’s not hairy but there’s something about him) and if we are allowed to go into the realm of cartoons then the Beast from beauty and the beast

    Reply Link
    • theattack

      the attack October 19, 2012, 11:46 am

      I don’t think the cartoon thing is weird, but the fur certainly is. Haha

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      • avatar

        muffy October 19, 2012, 12:15 pm

        haha not the fur! Just the largeness and how he loves her so much. Gaston is large but is a cowardly loser

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle October 19, 2012, 12:36 pm

        I have a thing for hairy guys, too. Never thought about Beast from Beauty & the Beast until one of my exes made fun of my preferences by saying something “You’d probably do– BEAST!” And I was like, “Hmm…yeah. Yeah, probably.”

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow October 19, 2012, 2:44 pm

      If we’re talking about cartoons, it’s Aladdin all the way for me.

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      • SarahKat

        SarahKat October 19, 2012, 2:50 pm

        Oh eff yeah. Prince Eric too.

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      • avatar

        ktfran October 19, 2012, 2:52 pm

        Prince Eric is my favorite. Hands down.

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  • avatar

    lemongrass October 19, 2012, 11:30 am

    Jack from Lost, Will Arnett, Toby Keith, Paul Rudd….

    Reply Link
    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow October 19, 2012, 11:37 am

      YES to Will Arnett.

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      • avatar

        ktfran October 19, 2012, 11:55 am

        I love him in Up All Night. So funny.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass October 19, 2012, 12:11 pm

        Lets Go to Prison FTW

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  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow October 19, 2012, 11:35 am

    I’m not sure if I have an official “list” but off the top of my head, I’d say BRANDON FLOWERS, Jensen Ackles + Jared Padalecki (together), Adam Brody (I like ’em nerdy), and Johnny Depp.

    Reply Link
    • MaterialsGirl

      MaterialsGirl October 19, 2012, 3:44 pm

      I just have to comment and LOVE your brandon flowers call out.

      have you seen the “im a morman” ad?

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  • avatar

    redessa October 19, 2012, 11:41 am

    Oh so many celebrity crushes… some of my top crushes include Ryan Reynolds, Tom Welling, Chris & Liam Hemsworth, Keith Urban, David Miller (from Il Divo), and Sean Berdy if I were much, much younger.

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  • avatar

    llclarityll October 19, 2012, 11:45 am

    1) Sidney Crosby (let’s go PENS!)

    2) the french guy from “Unfaithful”

    3) Jared Leto (the old Jared Leto, not the goth one)

    BOOMM!!!

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 11:51 am

      Oh oh oh don’t get me started on how hot it would be to watch that french guy and Diane Lane go at it. It was hot enough in that movie – and that was with Richard Gere’s sad stupid face popping up in the next scenes – Richard Gere is a lady boner killer.

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      • SarahKat

        SarahKat October 19, 2012, 12:06 pm

        I once had a guy friend tell me that when I laughed, I looked and sounded exactly like Diane Lane in that scene where the french guy’s first rubbing her body and she’s doing that weird twitching seizure thing :(. Richard Gere is the worst though. I remember watching Runaway Bride like “How are you making Julia Roberts ugly? Do you have some dark Buddist magic?!”

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      • avatar

        llclarityll October 19, 2012, 12:10 pm

        That movie is like porn. Better than porn. Richard Gere is always fing everything up. Way to kill the hot guy and steal the show.

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      • theattack

        theattack October 19, 2012, 12:10 pm

        Really? He was pretty sexy in Pretty Woman. He’s definitely not sexy now though

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 12:25 pm

        Yea, no, I have never thought Richard Gere was attractive. *Maybe* when he was in An Officer and a Gentleman but that was actually Debra Winger whom I found sexy with her raspy voice.

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      • bagge72

        bagge72 October 19, 2012, 1:42 pm

        Can I tell you that when I was in my 20’s the trashier the celebritie the more I liked her, because I though if I actually met her at a bar and she was hammered, I would have a chance!

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  • avatar

    rangerchic October 19, 2012, 11:49 am

    Rob Lowe….Hugh Jackman…Daniel Craig, I also kind of like Liam Neeson (SP?), I like his movies (well some not all). I guess I like mostly older actors but I’ve always been attracted to older guys. And they all have dark hair and my husband has light brown/blonde hair – go figure!

    Reply Link
    • SarahKat

      SarahKat October 19, 2012, 2:31 pm

      You’ve heard the rumors about Liam Neeson right? 😉

      Reply Link
  • seven7three

    seven7three October 19, 2012, 11:52 am

    My list is pretty lengthy:

    CC’s

    Joseph Gordon-Levitt
    Kevin McKidd & Jesse Williams (both from Grey’s)
    Eddie McClintock
    Niall Matter (Zane from Eureka)
    WIL WHEATON!!!
    David Giuntoli (Watch Grimm…)
    Zachary Levi
    Nathan Fillion & Adam Baldwin
    Jon Huertas & Seamus Dever (Both from Castle)
    Matt Bomer
    Sharif Atkins
    Taylor Kitsch
    Michael B. Jordan (Friday Night Lights)
    Jamil Walker Smith
    Omar Epps
    John Cho
    JAY CHOU!
    Gale Harold
    Gael García Bernal
    Donald Glover

    That about covers it. Maybe?

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    • SarahKat

      SarahKat October 19, 2012, 11:58 am

      ZOMG, JGL and Nathan Fillion, YES. You saw Joseph Gordon Levitt doing the Magic Mike dance, right? I’m not even kidding, I teared up it made me so happy.

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      • avatar

        Rachel October 19, 2012, 12:22 pm

        I actually never thought JGL could be sexy until I saw those gifs.

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      • SarahKat

        SarahKat October 19, 2012, 12:31 pm

        I didn’t know what beauty was until I saw those gifs.

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      • SarahKat

        SarahKat October 19, 2012, 12:18 pm

        Here’s this just in case because MOTHER OF GOD

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      • seven7three

        seven7three October 19, 2012, 12:22 pm

        You have no idea how many times I’ve looked at that gif…:D
        He’s amazingly hot. And funny! And he can sing!

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle October 19, 2012, 12:32 pm

        Oh my. I feel dirty for having clicked on that at work & studying every single one 😉 And usually he doesn’t even do it for me!

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      • Lady_Red

        Red_Lady October 19, 2012, 8:35 pm

        Eh, I liked his opening monologue the last time he was on SNL better. That really impressed me! It’s amazing to see what that little kid from ‘Angels in the Outfield’ has become!

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    • seven7three

      seven7three October 19, 2012, 10:19 pm

      Oh…I nearly forgot one of the most beautiful creatures to walk this earth, PAUL NEWMAN. Oh lordy, that man was easy on the eyes.

      Reply Link
  • Kate B.

    Kate B. October 19, 2012, 11:52 am

    My *current* celebrity fantasy is to be the middle of a Daniel Craig/Robert Downey, Jr. sandwich.

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  • theattack

    theattack October 19, 2012, 12:09 pm

    My list is pretty simple:

    Gerard Butler!! He’s pure sex. I need him.
    Viggo Mortensen, but pretty much only when he’s playing Aragorn in the LOTR movies. This is partially because I’m in love with Aragorn as a fictional character and partially because he can pull off that scruffy look so well!
    Sofia Vergara. I think if it’s possible to have a perfect body, she does.

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    • avatar

      llclarityll October 19, 2012, 12:11 pm

      OMG i forgot about Ryan Reynolds. I’d trade in all others for him. Every single friggin guy on this sexy planet.

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    • avatar

      llclarityll October 19, 2012, 12:12 pm

      Oops sorry, that was not to be a reply, theattack. However — Sofia Vergara wins on the sexy lady front.

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    • avatar

      jlyfsh October 19, 2012, 12:18 pm

      Yes to Aragorn. Viggo doesn’t usually do it for me but as him he so definitely does!

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      • Lady_Red

        Red_Lady October 19, 2012, 8:38 pm

        Totally agree! I was so sad when I saw Viggo in another movie and he was nowhere near as hot as Aragorn!

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      • avatar

        Anna October 20, 2012, 2:43 am

        Have you seen him in Unfaithful with Diane Lane? He is HOT in that movie!

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 12:42 pm

    HEY GUYS! I SAID: H E Y Y O U G U Y Z Z Z Z Z Z Z

    My boyfriend just texted: “Boo, just 6.5 hrs until I get to kiss yr face off [Btw, I think I’m rubbing off on him – I say that!] n hug u 4 our entire 30 min train ride home.”

    Seriously, I scored a MAJOR jackpot with this sweet and charming texter! Seriously. I can’t believe I entertained crushes on and actually thought “oh, maybe [insert some teeny, tiny microscopic act of seeming interest] means he likes me!” for all those buffoons in the past. This guy shows his interest in much CLEARER ways! *And* I like it.

    Ok, that’s all, carry on. 🙂

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    • avatar

      Eljay October 19, 2012, 12:58 pm

      That is friggin adorable.

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    • avatar

      bethany October 19, 2012, 1:47 pm

      So cute!!!

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    • avatar

      ktfran October 19, 2012, 2:21 pm

      Barf.

      🙂

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      • avatar

        ktfran October 19, 2012, 2:22 pm

        Note I’m not so secretly jealous.

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  • avatar

    Eljay October 19, 2012, 12:55 pm

    I am compleetely in love with Shemar Moore from Crimnial Minds! That man is pure perfection. Also love David Beckham, The Rock – yes, the wrestler (sweet jeebus he is delicious), Vin Diesel and Denzel! That beautiful Denzel just gets better with age!

    Reply Link
    • call-me-hobo

      call-me-hobo October 19, 2012, 2:39 pm

      whewwee- did you see him in diary of a mad black woman?

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      • avatar

        Eljay October 19, 2012, 3:52 pm

        OMG YES!!!! I also saw him in a play here in MD years ago. He couldn’t get a word out of his mouth before all the ladies in the audience started screaming their collective heads off! I don’t think I heard a word he said, but it was soooooo good to watch him (we had 3rd row seats!).

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  • avatar

    Laura Hope October 19, 2012, 1:18 pm

    Any random guy just walking down the street in Italy.

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  • avatar

    emmkat October 19, 2012, 1:22 pm

    Is it wrong that Matt Bomer is at the top of my list even though I know he’s gay? But then Joe Manganiello is #2 so maybe that makes up for it. 🙂

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  • avatar

    bethany October 19, 2012, 1:48 pm

    In college I crossed one off my list. (not the list I said above). On the next deleted thread day I will tell you guys about it 🙂

    Reply Link
    • JK

      JK October 19, 2012, 1:51 pm

      You´d better wait til I´m on the thread. I always miss out on the juicy stuff. 🙂 Better yet, PM me on FB now!

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      • avatar

        bethany October 19, 2012, 2:55 pm

        I’ll make sure you’re in the know!

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray October 19, 2012, 2:55 pm

      Shut the fuck up. Who? Who? Wendy, we need this weekend open thread to be a confessions open thread!

      I’m taking bets now – I bet he was a musician. Now, *which* musician is slutty enough to have sex with a groupee. …. Too many come to mind. Going on a limb: it was a DMB member.

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      • avatar

        bethany October 19, 2012, 2:59 pm

        Hahaha! I wish!!
        🙂

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark October 19, 2012, 1:53 pm

    LW1) WWS. Nothing else to say… She nailed this one so thoroughly.

    LW2) Gee, you sure sound like fun. No wonder he is out trying to meet somebody else.

    LW3) Your concern about celebrities here is quite valid. Its a well known fact that the world’s hottest male celebrities do run around banging 50 year old fans every chance they get…

    Reply Link
    • MaterialsGirl

      MaterialsGirl October 19, 2012, 3:46 pm

      c’mon BGM.. give us your celeb list

      Reply Link
      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark October 19, 2012, 7:09 pm

        It’s embarrassingly long… I’m a celebrity slut, I guess. In order.

        1) Jude Law (especially as he looked in (THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY)
        2) Morietz Bleibtreu (Manni in RUN LOLA RUN)
        3) Vince Vaughn (post much needed diet?)
        4) Jeremy Renner
        5 & 6) James Franco and his even hotter younger brother Dave. (together or separately)
        7) Sam Cockwell er ROCKWELL
        8) George Clooney
        9) Matthew Bomer
        10) Justin Thereaux

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  • MaterialsGirl

    MaterialsGirl October 19, 2012, 3:51 pm

    Alright heres my list

    Brandon Flowers (crazy brandon.. with the jacket)
    Ryan Reynolds
    Brad Pitt
    Idris Elba
    Colin Firth
    Ryan Lochte with a duct taped mouth

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  • avatar

    Laura Hope October 19, 2012, 4:44 pm

    bittergaymark, you are hysterical!

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  • avatar

    Laura Hope October 19, 2012, 4:52 pm

    I gotta tell all you young girls. I’m 52 and I get hit on all the time by young guys (yes, even in their 20’s). It makes me want to laugh and tell them I could be their mother. But I don’t respond. I just feel good for the rest of the day. Trust me, it’s not over in your 50’s! Not to worry.

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  • avatar

    GirlOnFire October 19, 2012, 10:29 pm

    Jensen Ackles aka Dean Winchester on Supernatural. (I would never get enough of him…)

    Brandon Flowers

    Taylor Lautner

    Cillian Murphy

    Chris Evans

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  • avatar

    Riefer October 20, 2012, 9:38 am

    I’m with LW3. I don’t get the whole freebie 5 concept. If you’re happy with your partner, why would you want to sleep with some random celebrity? I guess it’s supposed to be fun, but I don’t find it fun to think up a list of people who I’d cheat on my spouse with. Actually there are no people who I’d cheat on my spouse with, so my list would be empty anyway.

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    • avatar

      jlyfsh October 20, 2012, 10:15 am

      they’re part of a fantasy, not real life. it’s not a list of people you’d actually cheat on your spouse with but another way to fantasize with your spouse about sex.

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      • avatar

        Riefer October 20, 2012, 7:05 pm

        I guess. I understand that people with these lists aren’t actually planning on cheating on their spouses. I just can’t even think about it for pretend. Do you remember that movie Indecent Proposal, and how after Demi Moore slept with Robert Redford, her relationship with Woody Harrelson went to shit? I just always think about that kind of situation, even if you slept with someone else with your spouse’s blessing, it would ruin the relationship. I can’t separate the probable outcome from the action, even in fantasy.

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