It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss work etiquette and when to de-friend someone on Facebook.
So should I have said something? I’m thinking that: (1) sometimes it’s better to just pretend we can’t see, (2) women don’t want guys noticing that sort of thing, (3) I’ll look like I was checking out her butt (4) She’s not going to have time to go home and change anyway. But on the other hand: (5) she’s not going to want to walk into a meeting like that and (6) shouldn’t a friend help a friend get ahead of a situation like that? I chickened out, but now I’m wondering: did I do the right thing? — Period Peace
I would have discretely told her. Maybe she couldn’t have gone home and changed, but she could have gone to the bathroom and cleaned the spot with some soap a water and dried it with a hand dryer. Yeah, you’re a man and that part is awkward, but given the choice, she’d probably have preferred being embarrassed in front of one man she knows well and likes a lot as opposed to a potential roomful of men she probably doesn’t know or like as well.
If you aren’t assertive enough to tell them to put a sock in it already, then tell them you have a really bad headache and need to keep noise at a minimum, so you’re going to close the door between you and would they mind also keeping their voices down too, please. Do this enough days in a row — it’s a REALLY bad headache — that it finally becomes the new “normal.”
At this point, I should probably mention that I’m a 22-year-old virgin who has never had a serious boyfriend, so having a tipsy man alone in my apartment was not a familiar situation. Long story short: I made things very uncomfortable for the both of us, by saying so many strange things that seemed okay at the time but in hindsight make me cringe. He was pretty quick to leave the next morning, and instead of going with me to an event we’d planned to attend together, he went with a group of friends.
That was a week and a half ago and I haven’t heard from him since. I’ve accepted that he clearly lost interest, and that’s okay. The strange thing about this situation though, is that the guy added me on Facebook the Monday after I made things so uncomfortable. At the time, I thought it was a sign that he still wanted to keep channels of communication open, at least digitally. However, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to hear from me. I guess my question is: should I delete him from my Facebook (and phone, for that matter)? My gut response is “yes,” but at the same time I kind of want to keep him as a “friend,” so he can see how pretty/interesting/awesome I am and feel bad for being so quick to judge. What do you think I should do? — Pretty Awesome
Go with your gut and delete this guy from your phone and Facebook friends list. A pretty/awesome/interesting woman doesn’t need to waste any energy on some rude dude with no manners. If you really want to send the message that he’s missed out on something great, MOA and don’t look back.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to follow me on Twitter.