It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Clueless” who didn’t like that her fiancé had lied to her about going to a strip club twice and worried about whether she’d be able to trust him once they were married. I published her letter in last Tuesday’s column, but she actually wrote and posted it in the forums over 14 months ago (sometimes I comb through the forum archives to find compelling letters to publish on the main page for a wider audience). Here’s her update:
It really felt good to write and get my fears out there when I posted my letter in the forums last year. It was so hard for me to talk about and the comments really hit home and made me take a deeper look at things.
After lots of tears and a long heart-to-heart with my then-fiancé, my fears were eased. I knew in my heart that he went to the strip club more to please his friends and brother than for his own enjoyment. I wanted to be sure he was ready to put our relationship first, and he assured me that he was ready to be a husband first and foremost and I am so happy I believed him!
Our wedding was far from perfect. All the stress affected me physically and the Vegas trip for me was a BUST! I ended up with a UTI that put me in the hospital the night before the wedding. But my fiancé was there with me the entire time while all of our friends and family enjoyed Vegas without us. I ended up being released at midnight and made it to the ceremony the next afternoon. The wedding itself was perfect (with all of its flaws) and in the end I truly felt I made the right choice.
Here we are a little over a year out and our relationship is better than ever. Our first baby is on the way–due in October– and we are building a new home. My husband is 100% ready to be a daddy. He has grown as a person in ways I never thought possible. I have been having such a rough pregnancy and he is so supportive. I cannot imagine my life without him.
Looking at the big picture, our relationship needed those arguments and tears to help it grow. We both are stubborn and had been so independent that adjusting to being a couple was tough. Adjusting to being parents is going to be tough, too. At the end of the day though we are both too stubborn to give up on us. My husband realized what he considered to be a small lie was huge to me, and, since all of his hopes and dreams are built on our life together, no lie is ever worth risking that!
Thank you for the update. Congratulations on your wedding and pregnancy and best wishes for an easy transition for you and your husband into parenthood!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.