My mom is dating a woman! What should I do?
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- This topic has 7 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 10 months, 2 weeks ago by LisforLeslie.
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DonaldJanuary 9, 2024 at 2:01 pm #1127554
My mom just introduced me to her “girlfriend” and I’m just not comfortable with the situation. That was a total shock and I’m still trying to process it. My mom said she would move in with us. My younger sister is apparently ok with it. But, I’m not. And, it’s weirding me out. It was already bad when she would go on dates with guys wearing low cut dresses. It was obvious she was just having one night stands. I was able to ignore that and not let it bother me. But, when she decides to start something serious she doest it with a woman? How do I stop her or discourage her?
January 9, 2024 at 2:07 pm #1127555Are you an adult or a minor living at home still?
January 9, 2024 at 2:55 pm #1127557I think you can have a gender-neutral conversation with your mother that you’re not comfortable knowing about the details of her dating life. I think that’s a reasonable request
You do have to accept that your mother is actively dating, and you need to unpack why the gender of the person she is dating seems to matter so much to you.
I think your mom would benefit from enlisting the help of a family therapist to help her kids adjust to the new status quo. But you do need to accept that you do not have a way to “stop or discourage her” from dating women, seriously or otherwise.
LisforLeslieJanuary 10, 2024 at 8:38 am #1127562Not sure why the woman aspect is bothering you so much. However I am definitely concerned that your mom is racing to move this person into your home before you or your sister have any time to get to know this person. That’s really fast.
I would have a discussion with your mom about boundaries and behaviors. Is there an expectation that this person is going to play second parent? Quite frankly, that would be outrageous given that you’re already 16. So having a discussion about your expectations, your mom’s expectations and this new person’s expectations is critical. You all need to be on the same page.
Also – and again this is gender neutral – what is your comfort level with displays of affection? I know that I would groan and make vomit noises when my mom and step dad would be affectionate, but that was teenage “ew parents are not human” and nothing more. They were always appropriate but were affectionate. There has to be some balance between making you feel uncomfortable and demanding they never touch or kiss. It can’t be all one way. So again, it’s a really uncomfortable conversation but because this is same sex if it’s not handled as a gender neutral topic it will be seen as homophobic.
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