LW: We met 12 months ago on tinder while i was traveling in France. Was only meant to be there for 5 days but we found each other on tinder and met up 3 times. It was only meant to be a fling but he kept in contact. Shortly after he suggested that we holiday together as strangers in a country between us so we picked Greece. It was the most magical 10 days of my life. 3 months after that he came to Australia for 2 weeks.

ive always been realistic and never asked for commitment for a relationship, but after the Australian trip he said that he loved me and that we were bf n gfs.

We talked about him moving and he was keen. He said he would do if for “US” and he can see himself living in Australia as it is so freshly different from France.

About June this year the messages got less n he called me less. When I finally pulled him up and asked what the issue was he said talking about moving was easy but when it actually came to doing it its harder as he feels attached to his parents. We me in Italy in July for 2 weeks and it was again perfect and he was thinking about moving again.

4 weeks ago the messages became fewer and so did the calls. Same issue. He said he loves me, believes i am the right woman and australia can be good for him but is unsure how he can let go of being close to his parents.

I told him id give him space and will delete his number n worry about my own life. I was polite about it, told him if he realized that he wanted to be with me then reach out. Its been 3 weeks since, I have never reached out. I’ve had 2 message sessions from him just touching basis with me and that was it.

Wendy, other people has relationships, what I have here is a fairy tale. I love him and i know he loves me too. But his challengers are real. Selfishly I want him here and I want to tell him that with modern online platform its easy to stay in touch with friends and family, not to mention when push comes to shove its only 21 hour flight away. But I have no right to give him that push. How can we over come this and be together.

Having moved for love yourself perhaps you can give me some hope and advice?

Wendy: It sounds like he’s not up for uprooting his life and moving to the other side of the world. It’s true that I moved for love, but I wasn’t leaving behind family, and I wasn’t moving a 21-hour flight away from everyone I knew. I moved an hour and a half flight away. Big difference. I’m curious: have you considered moving to him?

LW: Woah how quick are you to reply!

Well here’s a topic to consider for your next publication. lol
Comparatively speaking its make total sense for him to move compared to me. I don’t speak French, I have my own business and own my own home, mortgage and car. He on the other hand earns a reasonable salary but rents his home and has no other financial responsibilities. He also speaks English which will serve him well in Australia where we make $2 for every $1 they make in Paris.
If I were to have an ordinary salary paying job I would totally look for something in Paris and move over there.

We are both alike in that we are spontaneous people who aren’t afraid of taking risks. I mean how many people agrees to take a holiday with a complete stranger in a foreign country for 10 days straight up. He has been to my home town, met my friends and hence got the approval of my social network. But i have never met any of his friends or family, i think there is a huge portion of his friends who thinks he is crazy to consider the move and his trying to talk him out of it.

He says his main problem is moving so far away from his parents as he associates his move as “permanent” in nature. As understanding as I try to be, it hurts. Isn’t it funny how we say love is the most powerful thing in the world and true love can overcome any obstacle. Yet this “Small world” of ours is “so large and too far” that so many love fails to prevail in the end as a result of distance.

Sigh…

Wendy: I guess I still don’t understand, if your argument is that love should be enough to make sacrifices, why you aren’t more willing to be the one to move? You are upset that he won’t leave his parents and yet, you don’t want to leave because you can make more money in australia? So… your money is more important than his parents?

LW: I think you are missing a huge chunck of what i wrote below. The bond he has with his parents are to be respected but his parents are traveling around the world like happy retirees do. I the mean time we are both i our early 30s and financial strength is very important. If i move over there not only do i suffer, so will he because his fiancial ability to help me isnt as strong as if it was the other way around. On the other hand not only can i provide financial security for the both of us, he can also build a stronger fiancial future for him self because of the Australian market in his field. You are being very one dimensional in your comment up there.

Also, i have parents whom i am emotionally linked too. But if the situation were reversed i would totally move for him as i know the comparative advantage for a better life is stronger and will cause less issues for the two of us.

Makes more sense now?

Wendy: I don’t know — it still sounds to me like YOU are being the “very one dimensional” one in your comment. You argued that love should be enough to make a move for someone. But it’s not enough for YOU to make the move. You’re being hypocritical. I don’t care how many reasons you have for why it makes more sense for him to make the move, if your argument is that love is what is most important, you should be willing to move. You aren’t.

Look, it sounds like this just isn’t going to work out. Neither of you is committed enough to this relationship or each other to make the very long move to be together. It’s not anyone’s fault. It just… is. Quit trying to blame him and just move on. If you aren’t willing to move for him, you have no justification for being angry at him for not wanting to make the move.

LW: For a minute I almost mistaken you for a professional relationship councillor and forgot you were another one who moved for a man who wouldn’t move for you. How rude and bluntly inconsiderate. pfft

Here’s some perspective for you, I am a stock broker, I make 7 figures a year, he makes 5 . If I was a money loving hypocrite who doesn’t want a committed relationship and doesn’t care about the future I wouldn’t be going after a guy like this in the first place all the way around the other side of the world. I think with my head as well as with my heart. Surly you know that arguments over $$ is one of the biggest reasons that destroys marriages and relationships. He speaks fluent English and I DON’T speak French, he can find a job here with ease yet I will completely loose everything i’ve built for my own business. ( i guess you failed to read that part in my previous email).

I was never blaming him, I was mere disappointed and grieving over the loss of my relationship. For a publishing relationship writer to come back with comments like yours is just ridiculous. I might publish this thread so people can see who you really are. Inconsiderate, under qualified and incompassionate.

FYI, we spoke yesterday, our time out has caused him to reach out and we are now back together to work on things. But don’t bother to write back, what you have to say added zero value.

you’re a disappointment.