Columns

Quickies: “Should I Give Him Another Chance?”

I met a guy online over the summer. We had three PG dates and had a really great time together. We went away for a weekend on our fourth date, and he asked me to be his girlfriend that weekend. Four weeks later, after lots of relationship talk and his being super keen, he called to say a friend had declared her love for him. He felt confused and so ended it with me. Three weeks later we started talking again; he told me nothing happened with the friend and he wanted to rekindle our relationship, so, after telling him how much of an idiot he was, I agreed.

Three months later, after feeling like he was growing distant, I asked him what was up and he confessed he didn’t want a relationship. He has, he has said, a history of doing this to women, which he blames on having his heart broken by a cheating girlfriend. And now, after a month, he wants to try again. He feels ashamed of his behaviour and understands my trust has been eroded, so wants me to decide on my terms. He has been erratic in the past, often changing his mind and saying a lot of things that he later says he didn’t mean….so would it be foolish to give him a third chance??? — Foolish?

Yes.

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.

23 Comments

lets_be_honest says:

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Ha, I was thinking this one could be answered in one word.

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1. Lianne says:
  
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  Me too!
  
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  1. Brian Fairbanks says:
    
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    Same.
Tmd260 says:

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Not worth it.

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Kate B. says:

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Once bitten, twice shy. What’s three times?

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1. Lily in NYC says:
  
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  Lucky! (it’s a Foghat lyric, which I can’t believe I remember)
  
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2. camille905 says:
  
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  It’s sort of like “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”. I don’t think there is a third, because at that point, you’re just an idiot.
  
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  1. Stonegypsy says:
    
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    “Fool me three times, clearly I need therapy if I keep falling for this”
3. Addie Pray says:
  
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  three times a lady?
  
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quark says:

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This is too much back and forth for a not-even-6-months relationship.

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Lily in NYC says:

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Trust us, OP, this dude is not going to change his behavior. It’s obvious he’s one of those emo guys who loves the self-centered drama of being a fickle asshole. This hoser isn’t worth the angst he causes.

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1. csp says:
  
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  Seriously, I love the word hoser.
  
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2. Hari says:
  
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  You deserve better. You deserve a guy who isn’t a flaky putz. Block him on all social media and phone.
  
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Addie Pray says:

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He wants to try WHAT again? If it’s a committed relationship you can count on, no. If it’s just having fun without any expectation of anything tomorrow, pouquoi pas, whatever you want!

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Sue Jones says:

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Whenever someone shows you who he is, believe him.

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j2 says:

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Not even worth a facepalm

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csp says:

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LW, this guy doesn’t want a commitment but doesn’t want to be alone. So he is keeping you on the back burner.

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Kaluu says:

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Maybe he could be a friend with benefits if you have a desire to try that?

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joanna says:

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Having once had a significant other who cheated is not an excuse to be an asshole.

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Sassy Steph says:

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Is it just me or does it seem that the more obvious the answer to the question the more question marks the LWs use to ask it?

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Lucy says:

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Holy drama factory, Batman. (It’s National Batman Day.)

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Queen says:

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Don’t waste your time. Once it’s spent, you can’t get it back. Move on!

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Didi says:

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Was Wendy too tired to respond? Lol But yes, foolish.

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