Update: “Am I Being a Bridezilla?” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Am I Being a Bridezilla?” whose matron-of-honor hated the dress color the LW chose and accused her of trying to make her look bad in it. “She hasn’t yet said ‘change the color or I’m out,’ but it’s kind of headed that way. I’d ideally like to preserve our relationship and her role in the wedding as well as the wedding color we both like, but I’m not seeing a good way to do that and would love an outsider perspective.” Her update, below.

Thanks for publishing my letter. I appreciated the perspectives/advice shared by you and commenters. I spoke with “Sue” shortly after your post and had ordered some complimentary color swatches that I thought might work for her to wear instead of the green because I really do value her more than a specific color. She was pretty quick to tell me “no” to alternate colors and shared that the loss of control in most aspects of her life due to the pandemic had put her in a tailspin and she wanted some control back in the form of what she would wear. She apologized for putting up such a fight at first and said she was excited to be involved in the day. It was very calm and it led to deeper conversations about how she can reclaim some of that control, though much of it deals with work so I am not able to assist beyond being a listening ear. I think her husband also helped by reminding her that she already planned one wedding and that was stressful enough; she laughed and said she doesn’t want to plan a second and I certainly didn’t intend to ever make her feel like she had to help plan (not much planning going on amidst a pandemic anyway, haha).

To be honest, it feels like we are planning for nothing. I’m in the midwest and our state is seeing an increase in cases again, so I feel like 11 months is not far enough away to be able to have the wedding we envisioned. I’ve told the bridesmaids to wait until the very last chance to order because I have a feeling we are going to be forced to rethink things and I don’t want any of them out any money for nothing. We shall see. But at least Sue is feeling good about the color and her dress options.

I’m glad you cleared the air, and I’m sorry that there’s so much uncertainty as you plan your wedding. I think Sue could be a better/more supportive friend than projecting her anxiety onto you and making a fuss about the color of her dress even as you give her options for alternate colors. Maybe now that she’s named the anxiety and her husband has reminded her that your wedding isn’t about her, she will chill out. Fingers crossed.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
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  1. Anonymous says:

    Lovely comments Wendy. Nicely said.

  2. Bittergaymark says:

    Nice update. Again, LW — you were 100% correct. I am tired of people like your friend here making everybody else accommodate their anxiety. It’s exhausting. And catering to it only makes the demands become more extreme.

    You are wise to be measured in your wedding planning. That said — I so hope you DO get the wedding if your dreams. You are one of the few who deserve it.

  3. aye, LW, hope you have a nice wedding as you sound like a really caring person. If you can’t have the day you dreamt of, hope you really love the day you do have.

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