It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
Whether you’re in a brand-new, not-even-defined-as-of-yet relationship, or you’ve been together for a while, there may be warning signs that all is not rosy and you should MOA. Based on many forum threads, former columns, personal history (my own as well as people I know), here are 15 red flags you should absolutely, positively, definitely NOT ignore if you see them waving in front of you.
My partner moved in with me and my three children (we rent) a year ago and rented out his own property. The agreement was that he would save for a deposit in order for us to buy our own house. Because of a poor credit rating, I was unable to be considered for a mortgage, so we continued with the plan of putting the mortgage in his name. After about six months of his being here, I told him he would need to contribute as I was no longer able to cover my bills due to a cease in original single parent benefits. I had been using my savings to make up…
My boyfriend and I have worked together for several months now, but we only started dating recently. He says that he has liked me ever since we first met when he got hired, and to his credit I didn’t really do anything to encourage his advances (I’m very shy), so he ended up hooking up a couple times with another girl we work with. When he and I started seeing each other (casually at first) he broke it off with her immediately even though she liked him and wanted to make them a “thing.” Shortly after that, we became exclusive and “came out” at work about our relationship. The issue is that…
“For about a month, I was dating a younger guy (25 to my 30), we were spending a ton of time together, and it all seemed great…”
I have found myself in a situation that I thought I would never be in. I am a 45-year-old woman who has never married. For the past 4-½ years, I have had a boyfriend who is now 60. When we first got together, he was married. I did not want to pursue a relationship with a married man and told him so. But he persisted for over a year and basically told me that he was “one foot out of the marriage” because he had been unhappy for many years with his now ex-wife, that he had fallen “in love with me from the first time he saw me over 11 years…
“I am 39-year-old single female who has never given birth to a child. I got divorced when I was 37 and, although I am childless, I have always wanted a child of my own.”
For years I have pleaded with my sister (I’ll call her Sally) to get help, to be assessed by a psychiatrist and get on meds for bipolar disorder. Several years ago my brother (I’ll call him George) went and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I went a couple of years later and was diagnosed as well. Looking back at the behavior of my now deceased father, I believe he was bipolar as well, since it’s genetic. Like many people suffering from bipolar [who aren’t medicated], Sally is very irrational. She doesn’t speak with our other sister (I’ll call her Nancy) because Nancy “took” Sally’s mother’s attention away from her when she…
It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
Thought this was a good one from the forums: Last summer I was asked to be in my one best friend’s wedding (Friend #1) on Sept 19 (Saturday). Today my other good friend (Friend #2) just asked me if I could be in her wedding on Sept 18th (Friday) that is 4 hours aways. I understand that etiquette sides with friend #1 because she asked first; however, both of these friends mean so much to me. So my question is if it would be offensive to friend #1 if I miss her rehearsal dinner on the 18th so I can attend friend #2’s wedding? I plan to leave after dinner of friend’s…
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