“Is My Friend Jealous of My Career Options?”
One friend seemed to resent that I wasn’t completely gung-ho about accepting this offer. She was “unemployed” for less than a month after graduating before she accepted a full-time position in her desired field, and seems to be pushing me to accept this position due to the shaky economy and the fact that most people don’t find their “perfect job” upon graduation. She even went so far to say that I should accept the offer and keep looking, which I find ethically immoral. In addition, she got very upset that I didn’t feel blessed for receiving the offer or was somehow spoiled for being able to be choosy in my decision. This is a choice that will impact the next three years of my life, at the very least!
I know she is employed in a position she feels is outside of her desired field and is looking for a new job, but I do not feel that she is being supportive of the way I choose to live my life or empathizing with the decisions that I am trying to make. Was she just venting or jealous of my freedom of choice when it comes to my career prospects, or is there a deeper rift forming in our relationship, Wendy? — Job Hunter
Let me get this straight: you have a decision you’re having trouble making, so you turned to a handful of close friends for advice and perspective and when one friend gave you advice you didn’t want to hear — advice that, in my opinion, was pretty solid — you automatically deemed her “unsupportive” of the way you live your life and questioned whether she was jealous of you? Did you not truly want advice? Because that’s what it seems like.
The truth is, your friend brought up some valid concerns. the economy is a little shaky right now. Things feel a little unstable. And most college grads don’t find their perfect dream jobs right out of school. Does that mean you won’t or can’t? Of course not. But there’s also no shame in taking a decent job that provides a solid income, networking opportunities, and valuable experience as you continue looking for the next move.
And speaking of next move, there’s also no shame in accepting a job — a job that wouldn’t start for nine more months! — and keeping your eyes and ears open for something better in the meantime. It’s not ethically immoral; it’s smart. It’s what happens in the business world, which is much, much different than, say, the world of interpersonal relationships. If you had agreed to marry someone next summer with the intention of keeping you eyes open for someone better, then, yes, that would be ethically immoral. But accepting a job offer in this kind of economy while keeping your options open in the nine interim months? Smart!
So, listen to your friend…and listen to me. I assure you, I am not jealous of you and I don’t resent you for your career prospects, and, yet, I’m giving you the same advice. Because it’s solid advice. If the job seems like a good opportunity, definitely consider accepting it. No matter how much potential you have and how bright your future seems, with the job market the way it is, this could be one of only a few offers you might get — and it may end up being the best one. Do you want to be working a retail job a year from now because you turned this offer down and didn’t get another/better one, or do you want to give yourself a little insurance that at least you’ll have something to hang your hat on post-graduation as you continue to field other opportunities and narrow your focus of interest? If it were me, I’d definitely go with the latter.
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Hmm yes obviously it’s more “ethically moral” (whatever that means, probably either moral or ethical) to be unemployed for years instead of taking a mediocre job and looking for a better one. Great LW! I can tell you’re going to make big waves in the world. With razor sharp insight like that, I’m sure there will be entire battalions’ worth of employers scrambling over each other to BEG you to come work for them! People who think the job market is bad are idiots and jealous of their betters. Go forth and conquer, LW! Don’t take that job, and cut that jealous witch out of your life immediately!
Oh man Wendy, you and I are on the complete same wavelength. I’m really enjoying the level of sass in your answers, too. I really wonder how the LWs from today can manage to type their emails to your from up on their high horses.
Job offers can and do get rescinded so it wouldn’t be the best move to take the offer and then get blindsided when the position gets eliminated. Not that she needs to do a complete job search all year, but it would smart to keep her eyes and ears open to other possible opportunities. Also don’t sit on the offer for too long – could be taken as a sign for being not interested which can also get it rescinded.
Remember, if something happened to the business in the next nine months to make them no longer need your services, they wouldn’t hesitate to rescind your offer. It has happened a lot in my industry. You don’t owe them more than they owe you. Take the offer and keep your eyes open for your dream job. As for your friend – try not to jump to conclusions about your her motives. If this is the only time you’ve sensed jealousy from her, just chalk it up to miscommunication and move on.
Of course its unethical!!!!
You can’t just take that signing bonus and then go and shop around. You can’t just break that contract guaranteeing your position and salary.
Oh wait, they didn’t give you a signing bonus? There’s no contract? You’ll be an at-will employee? You have no guarantee that they’ll even be a job in 9 months? They
There’s nothing morally ambigious about this. That’s what at-will means. You can change your mind at will, and so can they.
Accept and shop around, or don’t, if you feel it will ruin your reputation or your networking abilities to neg on the offer. That’s the only thing you should be deciding right now. You have 9 months to figure out if you think its a good fit or if you can get something better. Ask Wendy how long 9 months is – I think she may have some experience with that length of time.
It is not considered ethically immoral to accept a job offer and withdraw your acceptance for “personal reasons.” I do not feel your friend is being unsupportive and jealous – the advice is very practical and pragmatic. Unless your potential profession is highly specialized to the point that a withdrawl of a committed job offer spreads through that career field, there’s nothing wrong with accepting an offer and keeping an eye out for future, more desirable positions. The haclyon days of staying with one company for 20+ years, let alone 5 years in this job market, are over.
I think there’s a careful line one has to walk in today’s economy between security and being fulfilled by one’s job. I absolutely agree with Wendy that the LW should be grateful for the offer and that the smart move would be to accept the offer and keep her eyes open for other opportunities in the meantime. I’d advise that even if this was her dream job, just because you never know what might happen.
That said, there is a difference between accepting a job that isn’t a dream job/doesn’t use your potential/etc (because nearly ALL first jobs right out of college are this way) and accepting one that would make you miserable. I don’t get the impression from the LW that this is the case here, but I’ve seen lots of people stay in jobs that are soul-sucking because they’re afraid to take the leap. Maybe it’s because I left one of those soul-sucking jobs last summer without a backup plan (I started a new job three days after my last day of my old job, but I didn’t know it would turn out that way when I put in my three months of notice), but I do think there are cases where, if one has some sort of a safety net and doesn’t have a ton of responsibilities, it’s justified to step out on faith and look for something better.
You are sensing your friends complete frustration with your lack of ability to make the correct decision in this scenario…that isn’t jealousy.
And since you probably have a few years to figure this one out I will just tell you now. Connections go a long way in getting a job in this environment so don’t think it will be so easy to get more job offers…that internship really helped out your prospects in this individual case.
Honey this is what ‘paying your dues’ is all about. Take the job and apologize to your friend.
It’s surprising to me in today’s economy that she wouldn’t take her friends advice to heart. maybe she was feeling guilty for thinking about not taking it so her friend’s advice struck a nerve?
Like Wendy said you have 9 months between now and when the job starts. It’s not immoral to take it and keep looking! And really considering the number of people looking for jobs to you really think that it would take them that long to find a replacement for you if you decided not to take it?
I think the only rift forming in your friendship is the one you’re creating. You asked her for your advice and she gave it. Do you really want your friends to only tell you what you want to hear?
Does she really not understand what kind of resume builder this would be for her while she finds a job in her desired field? I can promise you, that unless you are going to work for your mothers best friend of the last 50 years that the people offering you this job right now are not going to resent you, or think you are morally wrong for doing what is best for you. You need to go for the job, thank your friend for the good advise, and then start looking for the job of your dreams, while getting crunk at the bar with all of the money you are going to be making.
If you do not take this job remember you have no right to complain if you are unemployed for awhile after you graduate.
If it is ethically immoral to look for a job when you’ve accepted a job offer that isn’t exactly what you are looking for or are working for a company, then I think everyone here is probably immoral.
So would the ethically moral thing to do when you want to start a new job is to quit your current one and stay unemployed until you find one you do want? Sounds a little cray-cray to me!
Can I have your friend’s number? Because she seems smart and honest and like a good friend to have.
I’m going to take the opposite tack, because I understand where the LW is coming from. Yes, the job market is bad, but early career/job choices can truly affect where you go in the longer-term. If you have a bad gut feeling about the direction this offer would take you, I don’t think you should ignore it entirely. And there are some industries (mine) where loyalty does not go unnoticed, and the same goes for flakiness.
I’ve been getting really burned out and unhappy at a job that is many people’s dreams, and understand the frustration you might feel when you go for advice (or in my case, a pep talk to energize my job search) and receive, essentially, “be grateful for what you’ve got, and stop being so uppity.”
I don’t necessarily have any contradictory advice from the other respondents, because I think accepting the offer and then at least continuing to look can’t hurt (since, as others have said, your offer could vanish in a heartbeat), but I just want to say that I get your point of view, LW! Although imputing jealous motives to your friend, when it could be just her dismal view of economy, seems premature.
I totally agree with Wendy… you ASKED for advice, and when you didn’t hear what you wanted to hear, you acted like your friend was the one with the problem. While I understand that you may not be totally in love with the job, or still deciding, you should take the offer.
Looking for another job while you have a job is perfectly acceptable. This is business–these people aren’t your family or even your friends.
My best guess is that you haven’t come into the real world yet because you are still in college, and you don’t understand the realities of the current job market AT ALL. But hopefully this will serve as your major wake up call. If you can get a job, you better take, and YES, perhaps you should feel blessed because there are a lot of people out there looking for jobs who can’t find them and are losing their homes.
Looking for a new job while you’re employed is not morally or ethically questionable. Just make sure you don’t do it on your company’s watch, and it’s fine. If you have an interview, take off half a day for “personal reasons” to get it done. That’s the acceptable way to do it, and employers pretty much assume that you will.
LW — if you don’t know what field you want to be in, then getting experience in this job will both pay the bills while you think and look farther and give you knowledge about what actually happens in this field and what you really enjoy doing. A starter job is a starter job and they all have a lot of drudge until you demonstrate your ability to do more challenging work.
Your friend’s not jealous, she just lives in the real world.
I mean, she got ONE job offer, so a better one has to be coming, amirite? I would be mad at that friend, too! Why isn’t she beaming with joy about all her amazing prospects? She’s going to be offered her dream job in the next 9 months!
I’m sorry, but I hate being lumped in with the Millenials sometimes. You’re not all special little snowflakes. The economy affects you, too. You should always be grateful for a job offer in your desired field- especially in this economy! God. My head is exploding.
Now excuse me while I study for an Organic Chemistry exam because I had to go back to school for a more practical degree when I was laid off from my “perfect job” 2 years ago.
The LW doesn’t even make any sense. At one point she is talking about how her friend was only unemployed for a month before taking a job in her field…then at the end rants about how the friend is bitter about working outside of her field…
At any rate, I hope she ignores Wendy’s advice and DOESN’T take the job. It just sounds to me like the employers could simply do oh-so-much better.
I am by no means trying to put the LW down, but when I read this letter it struck me that it had to have been written by someone very, very young who has little, if any experience in today’s working world. Gone are the days when you were loyal to your employer and your employer was loyal to you. Employment in this economy at an entry-level is lucky if found and often fleeting. I think it would be awfully foolish for the LW to turn down this position and feel that she has options and the ability to be picky – few people have that luxury, even experienced workers. I don’t want to be harsh, but WUA (wake up already).
I’m sorry LW, but you using the phrase “ethically immoral” in the situation really grinds my gears.
LW, I AM jealous of your good fortune, because somebody as stupid and entitled as you does not deserve it. I do resent the injustice that is being perpetrated here. I am around your age, and many of my peers were arrogant like you, however employers confused arrogance for confidence, and competence and offered them good jobs.
I hope the company that is hiring you realizes this sooner rather than later. I can only imagine your inflated, immature ego at work turning your nose up at work assigned to you.
I don’t know what kind of a program or field you are graduating out of, but I can certainly bet that your parents paid to put your ass through school, and you’re likely a soft skills “professional”.
I graduated this summer, and the stress of finding a job made me physically ill. I have found one, but it is employment at will. It is like a big guillotine above your head.
Employment opportunities are wasted on arrogant people like you. Maybe your friend realizes this but does not want to say it to your face.
I actually disagree with Wendy here. I don’t agree with accepting jobs that you aren’t committed to (though I realize I am not the norm). I think there is nothing wrong with being loyal to companies (assuming the company is good to you). When I graduated college last year, I pretty much only applied to places I really wanted to work at, that were in my field, and that I would be a good fit for (to the best of my ability to judge the situation). If you think you’ve got talent, LW, and that finding a job wont be an issue, have faith that it won’t be an issue and stick to your guns. Don’t settle for anything else. My parents were very pro-take whatever you can get. But I didn’t and (though for a while it was pretty scary while I was job searching ) I did ultimately find exactly what I was looking for and am glad I didn’t choose a company I wasn’t as excited about.
And in regards to your concern about whether your friend was jealous, while that is impossible to judge, she probably is heavily influenced by her own experiences (as it is her life). People tell what they know. If your friend got screwed in job searching, then she will provide you with that perspective. It is wrong or right, it is just a perspective. You should listen to lots of perspectives, but ultimately trust your own judgment.
Everything has pretty much already been said here, but I have to say that the “ethically immoral” part of the letter made me chuckle. Girlfriend, what kind of saints do you think employers in the business world are? They are, for the most part, in the business of making money first and foremost. They’re offering you a job because they think it will ultimately be good for their bottom line, not as a favor to help you out. Look out for your best interests because that’s what employers are doing- looking out for their best interests, not yours! I kind of applaud you for your attempt at morality, but trust me, in the business world shopping around is an expected part of the package. If you don’t do it you will get taken advantage of sooner or later.
LW – you use the plural term, “prospectS”. Yet I count only ONE bird in the hand here. Listen to your friend, as she’s way more the Voice of Experience here. Trust me – from someone who saw her 4-month-prior-to-graduation offer rescinded 6 months after 9/11. Yes, I was a December grad, and there was a small monthly bonus paid to those of us who chose to continue waiting it out ), when the company imploded. My school barred us fom continuing the on-campus interviewing process once we accepted a full-time offer. Don’t know that that system is still in place.
Your friend is right, and its not ethically immoral to accept a job, and keep options open. You can keep submitting for better jobs, and still have a secure placement waiting for you.
Your obviously very privileged and have no idea how much people struggle after grad. Listen to your friend.