“My Eating Disorder is Preventing a Healthy Relationship”
After losing thirty pounds, I decided that I couldn’t live that unhealthy lifestyle anymore, and for Lent, I decided to not only give it up, but to also take up eating right and exercising properly. It was hard to give it up and to try to be healthy, but it worked. I was free from bulimia for over two months until recently when I gave into it again, twice. I’m trying again though to kick it to the curb, but it’s extremely hard to do.
I’ve started to get back into dating recently, and I’m worried that my eating disorder (that I’m still trying to fight) will get in the way of a healthy relationship. I know that I can’t talk to any of my friends or family members about my eating disorder, since they’d be too worried about me and watch me like a hawk, and I don’t want to put that on them, so it’s hard trying to find someone to ask advice from. Though it’s nothing serious yet, there’s one guy who I recently started seeing/talking to, and to use him as an example, when would you say that I should tell him about my health, if ever? Does anyone who I end up seeing in the future need to know about it, or about the emotional distress my ex caused me? I really just want a healthy relationship now, and I don’t want bulimia getting in the way of it. I’m finally loving who I am, and my body, and I’m finally happy enough to really try to move forward with my life, and I don’t want it (or even my ex) to keep me back in anyway. — Recovering Bulimic
You’re asking the wrong question here. Rather than asking how you can keep your eating disorder from getting in the way of a healthy relationship, you should be asking how you can keep a relationship from getting in the way of a healthy lifestyle. You’ve made finding a relationship a bigger priority that getting healthy and as past experiences have proven to you, that won’t work. You can’t have a healthy relationship until you get a handle on your eating disorder — that absolutely has to be priority number one — and if you’ve been “free from bulimia” for only two months, with the exception of “two recent slip-ups,” you clearly do not have a handle on your disorder just yet.
Bottom line: you are not ready to jump into a new relationship. Your focus needs to be on getting healthy and at this point anything that distracts from that focus — like dating — will hinder your recovery. It’s great that you’ve made improvements recently, but I’m worried about you trying to get better on your own without any support or help from anyone else. You’ve already had two slip-ups recently. What makes you think you won’t have another next week? Or two the week after? What makes you so certain that the next time life gets a little stressful — and you don’t need to be in a relationship for life to get stressful! — you won’t go the whole binge-and-purge route to feel a semblance of control in your world? The truth is, without tools and support to help you through those periods, you are much, much more vulnerable to slip-ups.
Please do consider telling some family or close, trusted friends about what you’ve been dealing with. They’re there to support you; it’s their job. This is the kind of thing people need their friends and family to help them through. But even if you decide you aren’t ready to confide in them just yet, at the very least call one of these following hotlines and speak to someone who can help you formulate a plan for full recovery, help you when you feel the urge to purge, guide you through the challenge of sharing your illness with your loved ones, and yes, even help you figure out when you might be ready to date again (and when and how to discuss your eating disorder with someone you care about). You can’t do this alone. Call for help:
National Alliance for Eating Disorders’ helpline Monday – Friday, 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. ET at 866-662-1235 or the ANAD helpline Monday – Friday, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. ET, at 888-375-7767
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].
I think you should seek professional help to help you deal with this and why you have done it in the past. We all know dating can be emotionally distressing at times and you don’t want one rejection/bad date/crazy guy/stupid comment to send you spiraling back into bulimia.
I really don’t think you should start getting back into dating until you work on you. I know “you should seek therapy” sounds so cliche. It always has to me when it’s been suggested for my issues. After I went through 3 therapists, I finally found one that I really like…a lot. Now it doesn’t seem so cliche. And as I’ve said before on here, you won’t just wake up one day and love yourself. Life is a constant process. You will always be working on how to improve and enlighten yourself until the day you leave this earth.
You haven’t gotten your eating disorder under control yet – you just haven’t been in the situation where you’ve felt you “needed” to do it as often. Once you start a self-destructive behavior – eating disorder, self-mutilation, substances abuse, etc. – that you think “helps” you cope with life, stress, etc., it’s very difficult to just stop without having recurrences. There is a sense of control, comfort and/or relief that comes along with them, and until you’ve worked out alternative ways of dealing with those feelings that lead to those behaviors, you’re never going to be able to say you’re free from them.
I agree with Wendy that you should tell a close friend or your family. I also agree with her that you should seek some time of professional help or support group in order to properly deal with your bulimia.
Good luck, LW.
The best way to get over ANYTHING it to talk about it. As others said, with everything its best to have a good support system to help with that. If you don’t want to go to your friends and family , please seek others for the help. Either by calling the hotlines Wendy gave you, or by seeking out a support group online or in person of other people who have gone through the same thing. Also try to always give yourself positive reinforcement. Tell yourself that you are making yourself stronger, and that you can do this. On a day after not “slipping up” tell yourself in the mirror “i’m proud of you for the progress you’ve made, and you still look beautiful”.
Please please reach out for help in others either through support groups, therapy or by reaching out to your existing support structure. Yes, your family and friends will be concerned and rightly so, and they will watch you, but they will also listen to you when you tell them about your journey, whats going on now with your life, and if you set up boundaries. (ie. Mom please don’t listen when I have to go pee to see if I’m hurting myself). Whenever I’m facing a difficult time it always makes me feel better to talk about it, but usually I say “please just listen and dont try to point out mistakes or give me advice, I’m just so drained and I just want to get this off my chest, when I feel better I will come to you again and ask you for your advice, but at this moment I don’t think I could handle anything more than letting you know how I feel.”
Forget about getting into a relationship with a significant other for the moment. Your eating disorder is getting in the way of a healthy relationship WITH YOURSELF. The fact that you think your freedom from bulimia for the two months over the period of Lent, where abstaining from certain foods AND fasting full meals is de rigur for practicing Catholics, only suggests to me that you are potentially switching from periods of bulima with periods of anorexia – which is a dangerously common occurrence unfortunately.
LW, part of loving yourself is accepting the good and the bad about you, not only with yourself but also with other people who truly love and accept you for who you are. You have a disorder in your health that you still choose to hide from your friends and family – how can you say that you love yourself now when you won’t allow others who love you help you with this. Perhaps you won’t have to fight so hard with yourself when you get into a cycle of defensive vomiting if you know you have someone who’s got your back.
No one is asking you to become the poster child for bulimia – you don’t have to immediately share your struggles with strangers if you’re not comfortable with them. It takes a lot of courage and strength to recognize that you have a problem and asking for help with your eating disorder is not a sign of weakness. Please summon a call to arms for help with your friends and family. They may not only give you an emotional network, but they could also help you towards more resources to help you.
For what it’s worth LW, congratulations on reaching out to SOMEONE at least. However, PLEASE reach out to someone who knows you more than just as an anonymous letter writer. By hiding this disorder from those who love you, and what you recognize as the causes of your bulimia, you are letting your ex win and STILL control your life. Please make asking for help from your friends and family the definitive act that helps you truly MOA.
LW, please get professional help for your eating disorder. Eating disorders are LIFELONG problems, just as addiction is. Only with true therapy and, as Wendy mentions, “tools” to cope with this problem you will be healthy. Until then, I would avoid dating. In the long-term when you do find someone you want to be in a relationship with, I would bring up the topic only when you trust them. At that point you can give them as little or as much information as you would like. Eating disorders are a mental health problem (that sounds more sever than I mean it to), and you would want to know if your partner was suffering from depression or bipolar disorder, wouldn’t you?
I started dating my current boyfriend 2 years ago, in the absolute depth of my battle with anorexia. And I worked so, so hard to hide it from him. Not eating all day so that I “could” eat when I got a meal with him and blaming my lack of eating on some occasions on a lack of vegetarian options. But eventually he found out, when I got drunk and confessed i had to weigh in with the student health center every Friday. I played it off as a “I’m getting better thing,” but i wasn’t. About 6 months after that, I was still trying to hide it. Trying to hide it when we’d cook dinner together, trying to hide it when he wanted to go cheese tasting, trying to hide it when we went to an ice cream shop on the way back from running errands, trying to hide it. And i wanted to do those things, I wanted to be a normal, happy girlfriend who he could enjoy a bottle of wine over dinner with. And so I made myself be that; it was hard as fuck, ignoring the thoughts, ignoring everything i had spent the previous basically my entire life doing and thinking. And then the thoughts got quieter, and quieter, and then they started disappearing for long periods of time. And the longer I could go without thinking about my eating disorder, the easier it got to ignore it when I did think about it. And I got better; today i am happy and healthy and perfectly able to enjoy a lovely evening watching movies and sharing a pint of ice cream and a bottle of wine without going to the gym for four hours and not eating the next day.
My point: if you aren’t ready for a relationship, don’t enter a relationship. I don’t really want to say do or don’t. other than do what you feel is right and you can handle. But a lot of time, recovery needs motivation. It could be that you love to dance and your eating disorder results in a series of stress fractures and dance is the one thing more important to you than your disorder. Or it could be the happiest and healthiest relationship you’ve ever been in is the one thing more important to you. Or the desire to have a child. Or the…you see my point. For me, and for several others I have talked to, getting better took finding the one voice in my head that was able to drown out all those thoughts. It’ll be different for everyone, of course. But its worth it. The amount of time and energy in your life not consumed by the disorder is amazing. And its worth it. So, so worth it. Professional help can help; for me, it hurt a lot more than it helped, but that’ll be different for everyone, and I would at least encourage you to try. Because it has helped a lot of people. Just tell someone. It doesn’t have to be a therapist. Just someone. For me, a friend who saw me in his fraternity, sat me down, and said “I see this. I’ve been there. Just talk to me.” was a lifesaver. No judgement, no advice where i didn’t want it, just support. I hope you can find someone like that for you, whether it be a therapist, a friend, a family member, whoever.
Good luck. I feel for you. You can do it.
I’m so glad that you’ve decided that you don’t want to live with bulimia anymore. But I think you really need to see a therapist. I’d like to point out that sometimes people with eating disorders don’t want to tell their friends and family because they’ll be watching them like a hawk as LW says, not just because then they’ll worry, but because then the person will be accountable for keeping food down even if they feel like purging. The fact that you don’t want your family or friends to know says to me that you want the safety net of figuring it out on your own, including the ability to revert back to your old behavior if it gets too hard to abstain. Additionally, you haven’t had a consistent period of normal eating (two months with two slip-ups doesn’t count) and you don’t seem to have any idea why you binge and purge besides its effects on your weight (it usually has something to do with having difficulty managing your emotional state). Get help before you start dating, and get a good handle on yourself. Good luck!
This is absolutely true no matter WHAT afflicts you (a bad breakup, an eating disorder, being overweight, lacking confidence, doesn’t matter): Until you’re really comfortable and happy being YOU, you will never be able to hold down a happy, healthy relationship. If there is something fundamentally wrong with the way we view ourselves or the way we treat ourselves, it WILL bleed over into a relationship. You cannot expect to find a person to build a healthy relationship with while you’re not in a healthy state. The secure, confident, happy people (the ones you WANT to have a relationship with) will sense that you don’t like yourself, and they’ll find someone who DOES.
I’d say the same thing to someone going through a bad breakup, or someone with really low self-esteem: You need to concentrate on you right now. Your life, your issues, your goals, everything. And yes, a therapist will have the tools to help you figure out why you might have started purging, and how to overcome it and get to a healthier state physically, mentally and emotionally. Until you fill fulfilled being by yourself, you can’t try to be one half of a fulfilling relationship. It’s hard enough for two whole, confident, healthy people to have a good relationship! Don’t put yourself through the dating game when you clearly aren’t in a place to be there…it could cause many, many more problems for your whole health. It’s time to start placing a bit more value on your health and your life.
Please tell your family or a close friend about your eating disorder. Yes, they will watch you like a hawk. Yes, they may make you feel like a child. Yes, they may harass you about every meal you eat and every time you go out to exercise. But they will also love you and support you and carry you through these hard times. I was so incredibly ashamed to tell my family that I had eating problems (like they couldn’t tell that at 5’0 and 90 lbs that something was wrong) but it was the best thing. Please don’t worry about burdening them with your problems. Your emotional and physical pain is a burden to them and to you. Getting healthy and having people to support you while you recovery is exactly what they are here to do.
I’m going to go out and say that you do not need therapy, LW- you need to put yourself in a rehabilitation facility. What you are dealing with is not a bad habit, like biting your nails; it’s an addiction that you will struggle with for the rest of your life.
It’s awesome that you are trying to make yourself healthy, but do you remember the lady who wrote in about whether or not she should tell her family about her cancer? I would like you to read her letter and then her update. She ended up telling her family, and in return she got a wonderful support system. While your disease is different from hers, you still need a solid support from your family and friends.
Bulimia thrives in secrecy. Please get it out in the open and get some help. Please, please LW.
You say “I really just want a healthy relationship now, and I don’t want bulimia getting in the way of it”– But really, before you can have a healthy relationship with anyone else, you need to have one with YOURSELF. And that means doing what’s best for you and getting healthy. Put yourself first and get some help.
If therapy seems too intimidating right now (or you are having a hard time finding something you can afford) I would suggest another option is that you can look to your church for support. It’s been over two months since Lent ended, and I’m really glad you’ve been able to stick with your Lenten promise. It seems like that was a good source of strength and motivation for you. I’m sure there is someone at your church that you can talk to about this. Depending on who you talk to (and under what circumstances) it will also be kept completely confidential.
But no matter where you go, you do need to talk to someone about your bulimia. Someone with experience in the field of psychology and/or eating disorders will be able to teach you new coping mechanisms that you can use when the desire to binge/purge comes back.
Please listen to Wendy. I was anorexic for over a year. That was eight years ago now, and it is still something I have to stay alert about. Your bulimia was partly induced by the stress of your past relationship; I am worried that if you get in a relationship now, before you are significantly better, you will set yourself for emotional dependence. You could meet a great guy and start a great relationship, and the happiness you feel could prevent you from engaging in your eating disorder. But once that relationship hit some bumps or dissolved, what would stop you from returning to your crutch? Take it from someone who has made this mistake not once, but multiple times. You need to build a self-esteem base completely separate from any men you date; that will be your foundation for resisting bulimia. And yes, do talk to some loved ones. Doing this alone is hard and much more ineffective.
As far as not telling your family goes, I know you don’t want them worrying nor do you want them checking in on you, but it sounds like what it sort of boils down to is you don’t want them to see you differently. And that is TOTALLY understandable. But think about it from their perspective and hopefully you can see it a little differently. What if you found out your mom had been hiding the fact that she was an alcoholic from you? Or one of your siblings chose not to tell you he or see had a drug problem? This isn’t in order to make you feel guilty, only to point out that if the situation were reversed you’d want to know, and not because you’d want to make sure your family member wasn’t screwing up but because you’d want to help support them so they’re not having to fight all alone. You’d want to know because you love them. You wouldn’t see them differently because that’s your mom/sister/brother and you love them no matter what. You need to tell them what you need (like someone above said, set boundaries, but also be clear about “I need someone to drive me to and from dr. appointments because weigh-ins trigger the purging impulse” or “I would like someone to go grocery shopping with/for me”) so that they know how to help you and don’t just spazz out of being unsure, but most of all, you need to tell them. Maybe even tell them before you seek help; it’s actually really wonderful to have someone you love hold your hand when you call the counselor or the clinic the first time. But definitely tell them. It must be so lonely and scary to go through this all on your own steam. You don’t have to. And you don’t have to. Please get help, and tell your family.
LW, I hope that you call one of those hotlines today. I understand you completely when you say you don’t want to tell any of your friends or family. But you have to admit that you need help. If you didn’t, you would have solved your problems by now. When you call the hotline, be prepared to be completely vulnerable and open. Tell them everything you don’t feel comfortable telling your friends. Just the simple act of saying the things that bother you will give you some relief. You sound like a milder case of bulimia, so just spit it all out. What they will do is help you get to the root of your problems, and they will also give you the tools to do it. Maybe you’re smart enough to figure your problems, but you don’t know all the tools you need to overcome them, and this is where the hotline (or therapy) will come in.
I don’t know much about the effects of bulimia on the body, but I know that, other than a sore throat(the gastric acid from the stomach is actually destroying your esophagus, it’s not a simple sore throat), it also weakens your heart. If you want to have kids later, it will put your life in danger, or maybe your doctors will advise against any pregnancy ever. This is enough to scare me of ever becoming a bulimic. Another thing: maybe you can eat only stuff that you know you won’t feel compelled to throw up later?
I’m really glad you wrote Wendy about your problem. That’s the first step towards recognizing you need help. Best of luck!
There are 2 key ingredients to all-around health. The first is, of course, being physically/mentally capable and the second is spirituality, which gives you the reason and the purpose to pursue/sustain the former. It sounds like you already have the latter in place, so you just need sit in with a local support group and feed your head for a few weeks/months. Since this particular affliction is affecting no one but YOU right now, you have to learn to love and respect yourself (and to understand your very important role in God’s plan) enough so that your sense of purpose overrides all other desires (even those involving boyfriends).
This is YOUR battle; don’t introduce it to boyfriends. (Family is okay IF you have a GOOD ONE, but that can also backfire and cause added stress, which leads back to the toilet bowl. Your call.
Final thought: When you wake up each morning, remember that you don’t have to beat bulimia for the rest of your life… you only have to be it today.
Best wishes for a swift and complete recovery.
As the sister of a former (and occasionally relapsing) anorexic, please, PLEASE open up to your family and close friends about your eating disorder. PLEASE. My sister and I have never talked about hers, and because of that I feel as though I have no way to help her even when I see her struggling.
Your family WANTS to help you. Your friends WANT to support you and be there for you when you’re struggling. You’re worried about them “watching you like a hawk,” and yes, they might, but only because they want to help you. They won’t judge you, or feel burdened by this information. This is WHY we have family and friends, to help us through life’s horribleness.
Please talk to a close friend of family member. Please.
I agree with all the replies which suggest confiding in friends, family, joining a support group, or getting counselling….I’d just like to add, do not ever even contemplate joining an online forum directly related to eating disorders, as there are a number of very harmful ones out there. I know you didn’t mention such a thing, so sorry if I am speaking out of turn, but I’ve known a few people really held back by sites which appear to be sympathetic, helpful, full of people who seem like they know everything you are going through, but which turn out to be pernicious and actually supportive of a “lifestyle” that you have so very wisely decided to turn your back on. Good luck,you deserve the better life that you are choosing for yourself!
I know that your relationship presented some *triggers* for your eating disorder, but please don’t confuse that relationship or your ex with the *cause* of your bulimia. I know that this is a very difficult struggle, but please read all of the advice people are giving & come up with a plan to help yourself. Life is challenging & there will be more situations and stresses that will trigger your self-esteem & eating issues.
Keeping it secret & hoping you’ll somehow learn to dominate this alone is NOT an option. A hotline is a great option if you don’t feel you can turn to friends or family (& honestly, I don’t think it’s always a great idea to share with a friend…it can put a lot of strain on you & on the friend – who is not trained to help, does not fully understand the issue & can become quickly impatient, gossipy or even develop esteem/eating issues themselves).
Best of luck & there is a lot of support behind you – even just on this forum.
Work on getting yourself healthy LW. Seek help before you worry about dating.
Sorry, but when it comes to disorders like the one you have, you CANNOT do it on your own. Can you imagine how your family would feel if something happened to you & they never knew about it? Think about it that way, maybe that will incline you to tell them.
Also, I’m concerned that you’re willing to tell a potential boyfriend about your disorder vs. your family & friends! It makes me wonder if you put way too much of yourself in relationships. Maybe that’s something you should evaluate.
I think it’s really amazing that you’ve recognized you have a problem & want to correct it, but it’s OK to seek help. You need to! Please please please either tell your family, or call the numbers Wendy gave you & def. don’t jump in to a relationship until you’re 100% ok with yourself, at this point, it is imperative that you put yourself first.
I really hope you take all the advice to heart & get the proper help you need. Hope to hear an update from you!
LW, I’m glad you’re getting better, but I think you know, deep down, that you’re not ready for a relationship. The first step is to stop purging (or, in my case, it was to start eating), but that’s the easy part. The hard part is what happens after that, when you have to re-learn to how live and eat like a normal, healthy person. I was anorexic for about a year, but it took four years to re-train myself to think about food and my body in healthy, balanced way.
I understand why you don’t want to to tell your family. When my parents started to figure out that I had an eating disorder, they did more harm than good. But you really do need to tell someone (a counselor, therapist, minister, mentor, grandparent, friend). I know it’s terrifying. It’s probably the scariest thing you can imagine. But you’re walking around with this heavy, burdensome secret, and it’s weighing you down every day! You don’t have to carry it alone.
I remember the night I told my best friend about my anorexia. I was deeply ashamed and so afraid of what she would think of me. I was amazed and relieved to find that it didn’t change how she thought of me or how much she loved me. So you never know – people may surprise you and you may surprise yourself with how strong and brave you can be!
Best wishes to you! You’re already on the right track, you just need to keep working toward a happy, healthy life.
LW, if you’re around and wouldn’t mind explaining, I have a question about your comment that your family would “worry too much” and “watch you like a hawk”. Could you talk a little more about this family dynamic?
I’m asking because your expression leaves me wondering whether your family falls within what I’ll call the “normal” worrying category (ie, keep in touch with us, we love and support you and tell us how to help you), or the “controlling” end of the spectrum (ie, we’re going to call you several times a day whether you want space or not, email you dozens of Internet stories about eating disorders, demand to see your food log and insist on sharing meals at which they harp on you about what you are or aren’t eating).
Please understand that this isn’t meant to imply one type of family loves you more than another. It’s just that sometimes good intentions backfire.
I advocate that you find a support network, but you know your social dynamics best. If you genuinely believe that your immediate friends and family will create additional stress, then maybe a support group of anonymous strangers is a better option for you.
Either way, I wish you well.
Ok, you have to listen to this. Absolutely. Must. Listen. Ready?
TELL SOMEBODY ABOUT YOUR EATING DISORDER.
Tell a friend. Tell a family member. Tell a counselor. Tell anyone you trust (btw, include the hotlines Wendy listed as sources you can trust. Their entire reason for existing is to help you without the fear of judgement.)
I know what its like to a have a self destructive pattern. Self destructive behavior thrives in an introvert and sometimes it can seem as though the fear of others finding out the truth can seem worse than the disorder at self. There were times that hiding my secrets became so crippling that I would have to run to the nearest bathroom so no one could see me have terrible panic attacks. I trusted myself to decide was were the best decisions I should make, when the truth was I was the last person I should have trusted.
You need to include others in this. Wendy is absolutely right, you cannot do this alone. And even if you could, what is the point of that? To live your life in fear of falling back into a disorder and have all the weight of the fear on your shoulders? Spend too long hiding something so important from the people you love will close you off to everyone, not just potential boyfriends.
You know this is a medical disorder, so treat it as one. Would you suppress the truth about a lump in your breast? No, you would tell a doctor or loved one so they could help you consult someone. It cannot get better until you get help, otherwise you’re just condemning yourself to an emotional prison that gives your bulimia the lock and key.
Eating disorders are like addictions. It starts out as something that you do because it’s something in your life you can control. You control what you do with your body (when/where/what comes up). Unfortunately, the urges to continue doing it soon get out of your control and become addicting (because you start looking thinner, which is flattering sometimes).
You should look into a support group to help you quit, and a therapist to help you figure out WHY you do it, and what your triggers are. I would recommend not being in a relationship until you know these things and can control them.
Good luck.
Okay, as someone who has been there, I’d like to offer some suggestions. (And as an IT professional, I’m making it a step-by-step list 🙂
1. Keep on praying and exercising your faith – that was the number one thing that got me thru those awful days of purging/starving.
2. Tell your doctor you have extreme anxiety. If you don’t want to open up about the real issue, then don’t. An RX for xanax or valium can get you through emergencies (acute desire to binge right away), and a daily small dose of lexapro or citalopram can get you through the long haul. For me, an eating disorder was the manifestation of an anxiety issue, and these meds have meant the world to me.
3. For me, it also went hand-in-hand with other controlling/rigid behaviors. Practice loosening up in other ways: Skip a workout once in awhile, have a cocktail, let the dishes sit out overnight. Whatever works for you to train yourself to be less demanding of and more gentle with yourself.
4. Counter to what others are saying, don’t tell anyone unless you really are ready and can trust that person. When I told my doctor, a therapist, my pastor, & my dad about my “problem,” they offered no help whatsoever, were very condescending (e.g., “well you’re thin and look great so what’s the problem?) and acted like I was a weirdo. Even when I confided in a family member who also had “the problem,” she gave me the same treatment. Now, this was around 1985-87, and times have changed, so maybe you will have a different result than I did.
5. Know that time will heal this. I still think about “the food thing” several times a week, but it’s been nearly 25 years since I participated in these destructive habits. The meds I’m on now didn’t exist then, and I couldn’t get help from anyone then either, yet I still got over it. You can too!!
LW, I agree with mf. Please take the time to heal yourself first. Like the other posters, I also had an eating disorder, and I think I just broke up with my first boyfriend because of it, indirectly. I’m still not comfortable with myself. The poor guy is lovely and cares for me very much, but it was too difficult to be a good girlfriend while still fighting with myself. It’s hard to try to love two people at once if you can’t even handle yourself. I don’t know if we would have worked out or not because the eating disorder is still a mental barrier and still distorts everything. The eating’s not the problem anymore; it’s the disorder. Please sort it out and ensure you can take care of yourself first.