“My Friend is Homophobic”
As the decades pass I’ve lost too many friends to the great beyond who had different views than I have on various subjects (yet we remained committed friends), and I’d hate to lose anyone who enriches my existence. I could continue this association and avoid the topic, but that’s ethically dishonest. He will remain as he is, I can’t change his mind any more then he can change mine. I asked him why he felt this way and he couldn’t articulate anything beyond “It’s just wrong.”
I feel disappointed, angry and hurt. How can I resolve my conflicting emotions with this individual. Should I remain his friend? — Equality Rules
You have to decide for yourself whether your friend’s homophobia/bigotry is a deal-breaker for you in terms of continuing a friendship. It’s just like when two people are dating and getting to know each other and they stumble upon differences that speak to value incompatibilities. Are those value incompatibilities large enough to pose a threat to the relationship? Does your value incompatibility with your friend pose a threat to your friendship? Does remaining chummy with him threaten your integrity?
It seems it must or you wouldn’t say that continuing the friendship while avoiding the topic you disagree on is “ethically dishonest.” Avoiding something, especially if you’ve already expressed your opinion about it, isn’t “dishonest.” But what may feel ethically dishonest to you is carrying on like you’re this person’s friend when your opinion of him has changed enough to not consider him someone worthy of your respect and admiration, let alone free time.
I can’t tell you whether or not you should continue your friendship with this person. You have to decide for yourself whether bigotry is a deal-breaker. I do think that since your friendship is several years old and you have enjoyed what sounds like lengthy discussions on a range or topics, you might be in a better position than you believe to “change his mind” about his views on homosexuality. Who better than someone he likes and trusts and whose company he enjoys to help open his mind a little? That said, if being friends with him feels more like a chore or a mission rather than the companionship you’ve enjoyed in the past, I’d move on. And I’d tell him why, too. You may not be able to ever change his mind, but you can let him know that his intolerance won’t be tolerated.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].
“As the decades pass I’ve lost too many friends to the great beyond…”
What are you, 22? Was that first decade really rough for you in the losing-friends-over-ideology department or was it the second?
Trust me, you’ll see many friendships fluctuate over the next few decades so relax there, Father Time. As for your friend’s opinions being hard and fast, I seriously doubt that. If he’s open minded in other areas of life, then there’s still hope for your bigoted buddy. You don’t have to be best friends with this person, but if you truly have the intellectual dialogue you say you do, then this conversation can just be an extension of that. And IMO a necessary part of that. Because the world could always use a few less bigots, amiright?
THe LW said “seniors” which I first thought was college or high school. But re-reading I’m thinking senior citizen.
Yes, he’s in his 60s.
Yeah, I’m going to guess senior citizen too…I don’t know many high schoolers who have fishing buddies.
Exactly, ha. The fishing buddy thing is what made me NOT even think “seniors in high school or college” & go straight to “…citizens”.
That comment made me think that when he said “seniors” he meant older people, not seniors in college. Where did you get that they were 22?
Er… “We’re both seniors”
But I agree with you (& Wendy: “I do think that since your friendship is several years old and you have enjoyed what sounds like lengthy discussions on a range or topics, you might be in a better position than you believe to ‘change his mind about his views on homosexuality” ) that LW could take this as an opportunity to challenge the friend’s views. Some people, especially if they’re older in age, only THINK their views are hard & fast until challenged on them? And it seems like the friend doesn’t even have any arguments to back up his intolerance (i.e. religious) so it could be a case of just learning to accept new norms.
I associate with many people who I disagree with on certain issues. If I only hung around people that thought the same way I do, I would be a very lonely person.
Oh I love the advice here. So helpful for all of us! LW, I think at your age [WAIT, BY “SENIORS” LW MEANS “SENIORS IN COLLEGE,” RIGHT?] a lot of people still carry around a lot of the ideas they pick up as kids from their parents without ever questioning them – until they’re forced to – e.g., in your friend’s case, when they have gay friends for the first time or meet others like you who support gay rights. If this friend is as great as you believed him to be until now, and this bigotry does not jive with his character that you’ve come to know, maybe he just needs some help to open his mind a bit. In my early 20s I had a lot of those heated discussions with friends where we butted heads – e.g., about gay rights, the death penalty, welfare, guns, religion, abortions – all the fun juicy stuff. And some of those people and I aren’t friends anymore, and for some we have just agreed to disagree (and to avoid each other in the months leading up to elections), and for others we convinced each other / helped each other see and appreciate a new perspective. Oh fun stuff.
I agree. I think of people I know in my grandparents’ generation who have outdated/ignorant views on social issues. But I don’t let it get to me because I know their attitudes are not mean spirited. It’s how they were brought up. It doesn’t make the ignorance right, but I am at least able to cope with it because it doesn’t some from a hateful heart. When you can engage in a conversation and talk through the issues, it’s even better.
Ok, I reread this and am now thinking duh *is* not about seniors in college. I doubt you’ll change this friend’s perspective, LW, but who knows! But lately at my ripe old age of 35, I’ve found that I have zero energy to try to change people’s perspectives when it comes to things that I believe are fundamental values like gay rights.
Well, I think the “seniors” in question are older, but I tend to agree with you about how your values or beliefs can change/evolve over time…I was a very “black and white” kind of person in high school and even college, to some extent, and I’ve always erred on the conservative side. Most of my friends thought a lot like me, so there wasn’t a huge amount of discourse or debate. Once I got to college (big state university) and into the working world, my views relaxed a bit by being exposed to other people and ideas.
I’m still a fairly conservative person (especially on fiscal/economic issues) but my ‘social’ views have evolved into a more moderate, live-and-let-live philosophy. I’m definitely that way on gay marriage; at one time I was really opposed to it, but now–while I’m not out marching in parades or contributing money to pro-gay marriage organizations–I have a more “eh, whatever, it’s not hurting me” mentality.
I do think as some people age, they become even further entrenched in their beliefs and opinions; however, some people also mellow with time and experience. If your friend is someone you enjoy spending time with and have enjoyed discourse with in the past, it might be worth continuing the friendship. He may never come around to your opinion, but I don’t think taking an “agree to disagree” position is intellectually dishonest, or makes you a bigot by association, or anything like that.
I have a friend who has a radically differing view on abortion than mine. We both feel strongly. We both know that we feel strongly. We know not to discuss the topic, since we’ll end up feeling that the other is close-minded…and we can still have a good friendship. Do I feel that’s unethical? I guess I could, but as it happens, this disconnect doesn’t bother me. I’m much more interested in the fact that we can discuss many things that we agree and disagree about…and that we have mutual respect and affection. In my opinion, there are not so many people around who care about us regardless that we can afford to say self-righteously, “This person’s moral senses don’t align perfectly with mine” and cut him off. That, to me, is the essence of intolerance.
Thought for you: your refusing to respect his opinion is, by definition, intolerant! Is he marching in anti-rights parades? Is he doing something to further this standpoint and therefore imposing his thoughts on others? If so, you’re talking about a different ball of wax and it’s worth your considering carefully whether you’re comfortable continuing your friendship. If, on the other hand, it’s his opinion that he generally keeps to himself and doesn’t push on others, then he’s being less intolerant about it than you are. I have to disagree with Wendy’s statement that you can take advantage of your friendship to push YOUR viewpoint onto him. If he shows interest, good and healthy discussion can take place and both of you can learn from it. If he doesn’t — then you’re pushing your intolerance of his personal opinion onto him.
The whole “tolerance” thing is a difficult world to navigate. We should all be allowed room to grow in respect and love (my opinion!). Silly analogy: I don’t like the color orange. Fine. Should that mean that it would be a good idea for me to lobby to have orange outlawed? Not so much. Should I refuse to allow others to wear orange? Nah. Within my sphere of influence? My young kids won’t be wearing any orange clothes that I’ve picked out…but if they fall in love with an orange shirt, I’ll let them wear it with love. So — just as there is room for people who think that discussions of homosexuality are appropriate for all ages, there is or should be room for those who DON’T think that. The tricky part is allowing these opinions to be held in a respectful environment, all the while acknowledging the difficulties of holding widely divergent views.
I’m the product of highly racist parents. I find their views abhorrent. However, I can still love them as my parents, respectfully refuse to disengage from their racist crap (after my recounting a story of bad service, for example, I won’t answer their question, “And what race was the person?”), and recognize that they have their own historical and cultural reasons for feeling the way they do. I don’t share those feelings at all. And they’d surely better not bring those feelings to bear on how they treat others (interestingly, they don’t)…but the way they feel deep inside? There’s no way that’s going to change at this point, and it would be foolish (and frankly, in my view, rude — or intolerant of them, if you will) to try to change them. They do, however, know not to include me or my children in any of their questionable “jokes” because I have for years looked puzzled at the punchline, and forced them to explain exactly what is funny about the “joke”. I think they’ve realized I will never “get it.” So — they’re tolerant of me, and I’m tolerant of them….
*** Let the flames begin ***
There’s no right or wrong in color preferences, that’s different for homophobia. I don’t think there’s much value in respecting bigoted views. I do understand the way you’re navigating the issue though, especially when it comes to relatives.
I love this response. Tolerance does go both ways. My in-laws are opposed to gay marriage on religious grounds. They interpret the bible literally and this shapes their views on everything. They believe the world is only 4000 years old, for example, and are anti-woman. It is very, very hard for us to find anything to talk about. I try to respect their right to feel the way the do, even though I find their views distasteful. And they find mine just as distasteful. So, we don’t talk about those things. Quite honestly, if they weren’t my family, I’m sure I’d have nothing to do with them and I’m also sure the feeling is mutual. In fact, based on things I’ve heard through the grapevine, I know it is. The key is mutual respect, which we struggle to achieve. If I gave in to the urge to call my FIL a racist bigot to his face, I would be putting myself on his level. I’m not the policeman of the world. Walking around thinking that everyone has to have the same opinion as you about everything is very intolerant. It’s what keeps the cycle going. I agree with this 100%.
i get this, i really do- but if we took this view for everything, we could justify *anything*. literally anything. we could justify the holocaust, we could justify japenese internment, we could justify slavery, we could justify the people who murder based on color or sexual orientation or gender or sexual status.
my line in the sand is “does your view hurt others?” and if it does, your view is wrong. sorry. its one thing to intellectually disagree with things, but intellectual thoughts are not just imaginary things in our heads that dont hurt others. certain views on things really, really can hurt others, as history and our own 6 oclock news shows us.
I really like much of your response, although I think there is a difference between not liking the color orange (and thus not ‘promoting’ it) and racism.
In the end, I think tolerance is key. I don’t know…generally, I’m just not going to try and ‘convert’ someone to my way of thinking. If asked, I’ll outline the reasons why I believe what I believe (don’t get me started on fiscal responsibility!) but battering someone over the head with my opinions is unlikely to get me anywhere, and will just cause tension and frustration. I have learned to take a more “live and let live” approach with *most* things (although certain things that previous posters mentioned–the Holocaust, for example–definitely cross the line and would be something I would batter someone over the head with:)
LW – My husband had a friend who was racist and homophobic. At first, it was just off color jokes but then he started to spout comments unprovoked around others and that is when the friendship ended. It is one thing for someone to make a comment in the middle of a rational discussion and another to be hateful. It sounds like your friend has very conservative views but overall he is nice, so I would just avoid the conversation.
I personally wouldn’t be friends with someone who is homophobic. It’s not just a difference in opinion to me, it’s about core values. I also feel that anyone who’s ready to voice a homophobic opinion to others will likely do it again under different circumstances where it could hurt someone, and that by voicing that opinion they condone the unjust treatment of gay people. As long as gay kids are still driven to suicide by bullies, I cannot tolerate any homophobic opinions in my friends. Maybe that’s too rigoristic. But I feel strongly about this.
I don’t think I could be close friends with someone who was anti-equality. I have family members who don’t share my views, and with them, I just try to avoid the topic- we have plenty of other stuff to talk about… Family you’re born into- Friends, you choose. I just don’t think I could choose to be close with someone knowing that they didn’t believe in equality. I mean, sure we can disagree on politics or animal rights, or religion or whatever, but to me, being friends with someone who is blatantly against equal rights for LGTB people is the same thing as being racist, and I just can’t get down with that.
oh how interesting… is it unethical to continue a friendship with someone who holds different views then you do?
i dont think its just as cut and dry as a yes or no. i think it for me it would, and does, depend hugely on the deeper stuff. i mean, just saying you dont agree with something doesnt mean that you actively participate in making it illegal, or that you support like killing all the people who partake in it or whatever. i mean i dont agree with fertility treatments, but that doesnt mean id ever try to make it illegal (i would try to regulate it much better, and id try to make adoption much easier, though). and also, i have friends who have used fertility treatments, obviously, and thats fine. its a thing that exists in our world and everyone is free to make their own choices about it. its not like i disowned them or told them how horrible of people they were or anything.
so how deep does this go, for both of you? do you care a lot about this, either intellectually or having gay friends or family members that bigotry directly affects? does he have round em up and kill em view that he actively tries to make happen in our world?
and then, finally, sometimes old people just think what they think. it sucks, but there it is. and, unless they are actively trying to hurt others with their view, i dont *really* see the harm in it. so if you have to take the “eh, hes stuck in his ways, the old man” view on it, you can do that.
For me, as I’m getting to know someone that I’m dating I typically bring up LGBT issues because that’s a topic that is important to me. My uncles are getting married next July after 21 years together and I couldn’t be happier for them — and if I have a boyfriend at that time I would want him to come to the wedding with me. I usually frame it as “if you were invited to a gay wedding for a family member or friend, would you go?” If he says no and that “it’s just wrong”, I’m not ok with that. It’s important that a partner has the same view as me on that particular issue because so many people close to me are in the LGBT population.
This is obviously different since it’s a friend instead of a significant other. I don’t think you need to end this friendship though I definitely see how it would make you uncomfortable. If you’ve been friends for a good number of years it’s obvious you’re close to him. What are the benefits to being his friend? Is this the one thing you see so differently on? If so, maybe from here on out avoid this type of conversation. As TECH said above, if you only hung out with people who agreed with you all the time you would be very lonely.
I can understand people who say they would still be friends with this person, I can. But for some reason I really can’t wrap my head around it, maybe you guys can help.
If you identified as homosexual, could you be friends with someone who essentially “others” you and “has disdain” (as it says directly in the letter) for a fundamental part of you?
Not a choice, not an opinion, but a PART OF WHO YOU ARE. There is no way around that, in my opinion. If a person rejects my identity, and says that I am “just wrong” (again, as it says in the letter) then I cannot be friends with that person. And so, even though I do not identify as homosexual I have the ability to empathize and therefore I am *compelled* to uphold that judgement call even if I am not personally being persecuted.
So I’m throwing it out there to everyone. IF you were gay, and someone told you what was told to the LW, would you still be friends with that person?
See, I just don’t like the fact that this is titled “My Friend Is Homophobic.” You can be opposed to something and not scared of it. You can disagree with something and not have it affect your interactions. I have disdain for uber-conservative “let’s hate Obama every chance we get!” people, but that doesn’t mean that if I’m out at a bar with a friend who feels that way I have to run away from him. And I get the whole “but sexual orientation is a core part of a person, not a choice!” and I agree with that concept, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t be a good friend.
What does the LW mean by “disdain”? Is he openly calling out gay people in the street? Did he march on the Supreme Court when they struck down DOMA? Is he saying he wouldn’t attend the wedding of your hypothetical gay son if he was invited? Or is he saying that he simply isn’t going to support gay marriage, will vote against it on a ballot, and won’t be particularly thrilled if it’s allowed? Because if it’s the first two, then, yeah, I can see disconnecting your friendship. If it’s the third one, I could maybe see it too, but I think if it’s done respectfully it isn’t necessarily worth disowning.) But what if she means the fourth one? Can’t a person vote against gay marriage and still be a good friend? If the person holds an opinion but keeps it to himself, does that somehow make him a terrible person?
I don’t know. I guess I think we’re assuming too much about the way he addressed this issue.
So, I recognize that there is privilege attached to what I’m about to say – also, it’s worth noting that I live in Alabama and I’m surrounded with people like the LW’s friend – but, I personally don’t feel I can sustain a strict view on this kind of stuff in my personal life, even with friends, and especially with family. I wholeheartedly believe in marriage equality, but I can’t analyze every friend or relative’s view on it and cut them out cold turkey if they hold views I don’t agree with (even if I disagree strongly). My line is usually how people act – typically, some people I know and love may hold some backward view regarding homosexuality due to religion or whatever reason that I personally think is dumb… but when it comes down to it could never bring themselves to be an asshole to a gay person’s face because they see that individual as a person instead of a faceless monolith and are able sympathize with their struggles. If they felt justified being a jerk to someone’s face about it, I wouldn’t keep them in my life because that person is aggressively hateful, and there is no fixing that. And if they felt the need to constantly have heated arguments about it, I wouldn’t want to be a part of that either. You know? We all have different thresholds for this stuff – and again, I realize there is privilege in how I personally handle it, since I would probably feel different if I weren’t straight – but you have to do what is comfortable for you.
I’ll be honest, I have friends that are homophobic who know I’m bi-sexual. Sexuality isn’t a conversation that comes up often and we have an “agree to disagree” agreement/rule. We know that we won’t agree, so we usually don’t worry about it. We know we aren’t going to chage the other person’s mind, even though, deep down, we hope that our time with the other will help influence the other to change his/her mind. Otherwise, my friend is a lovely (if slightly flawed) person.
Something may change in your friend’s life to make him/her rethink his/her viewpoints. A grandchild may come out of the closet, for example. A favored niece/nephew may come turn out to be gay. These things can and do change the viewpoints of the staunchest homophobe.
If you like fishing with this person, continue fishing. Just know that you don’t agree on everything in life. Not everyone has to. I’m sorry that your friend failed to measure up in all things, but it’s okay. Not everyone has to. Neither of you has failed in life, or failed each other. We’re all different, and that’s okay.
Let me digress and tell a little story. My friend is an equestrian extraordinaire, and we have a ton in common. We get along fabulously. My friend is a generally moral and tolerant and kind person.
My friend also hunts foxes.
They go out on their horses and they bring dogs. And then they chase down and kill foxes and their cubs. Did you know there’s a practice called cubbing? They flush out the vixen and murder her. Then they slaughter the cubs. It’s to give the dogs practice.
It makes me sick to even think about it. I mean, literally, I want to hurl. I understand the historical underpinnings of foxhunting, and I even understand why it’s practiced today (aside from giving riders an opportunity to get drunk and go wild with each other out in the woods… foxes kill chickens, etc). But it still makes me sick.
I didn’t mean to stop hanging out with my friend. I don’t think it’s necessarily a reason to stop hanging out… I have friends who are deer-hunters, turkey-hunters, whatever. I eat the meat they bring in, and I don’t think twice. But something about this… it hit me hard. And I just haven’t made plans in a while. It was no grand gesture, no blow-up fight. I just naturally kind of faded away. If my friend calls and asks me to go to a movie, am I gonna say no? Of course not. But this thing, which I hate, is enough to dim my desire to spend a lot of time with someone who I have a long and fond relationship with.
So… like Wendy said, this is up to you. It’s a matter of how much your heart can take. Some things that I feel very strongly about, I can still overlook in a friend. Some things that may seem objectively not as bad as others, I can’t get past. I think there’s hope for slowly changing your friend’s mind, given what you’ve said. But it’s not your obligation to do that, either. If it’s a dealbreaker, that’s completely fine. If it’s not, keep fishing with him while holding firm on your principles about this in conversation. Could be a good example will be a good influence on him.
I agree with Wendy. This is something you have to decide for yourself. I have some friends who disagree with me on certain issues, and some of them are ones that do annoy me a lot. But even for myself, I don’t have any hard rules on what I will or won’t tolerate. Certainly someone who is spouting off offensive, mean things, but someone who simply holds a belief? Who knows. Some of my family is probably homophobic and racist, and I know the point of friends is that you choose them, but tolerating someone who disagrees with you doesn’t make you a bad person. On the other hand, I can see where you might not be OK with someone who does not believe in equality.
I’ll also add that deciding not to talk about it isn’t ethically dishonest. Lying about your beliefs would be, but there’s no rule that you have to talk about all the issues all the time and keep reminding each other of your opinions.
I’m Equality Rules and this thread is a wonderful dialogue which is a huge help for me to resolve this inner conflict. The fact that he’s a friend, not family, leaves the association a choice rather then someone I “have” to see from time to time but it’s a chink in his armor and changes the extent of my respect for him. As the decades pass the limits of life span reduces the Xmas list and despite my opinions of some people I don’t want to lose friends. At some point I’ll try better understand how and why he feels the way he does, but I wish the subject had never come up and I could have continued in blissful ignorance.
Thank you Wendy for removing some of the 72 candles from my birthday cake. Any “Senior Cinnamon” LOL would love to go back a few years.
Aw, thanks for “coming out” as the LW, Eddie 🙂 I wanted to add one quick thing: you mention your friend expresses “disdain” for homosexuals…but has he said anything overtly hateful, besides that he just doesn’t get why they are the way they are/it seems wrong? Because when my brother came out, it was hard for my dad to wrap his head around, and it’s not because he’s a bigoted guy…it’s because (as my mom put it) sometimes it’s really difficult for super straight guys to “get it”…they can’t get past the squick factor. My dad didn’t reject my brother, and he was nothing less than warm and loving and accepting of him, but privately, he also struggled to imagine my brother leading that life. Not because he hates gays, but just because it seemed…gross, on an instinctual, primal level to him. Because he’s straight. But he got over it. This isn’t a particularly articulate post, but I just wanted to say — are you sure your friend is even bigoted, or is he just squicked out a bit by the thought of gay relationships? Because if he’s the latter, I see no ethical problem with continuing to hang out with him. Maybe one day if someone comes out in his family and he has to confront the idea head-on, in the context of a family member’s happiness, he’d reexamine his repulsion.
Just because someone believes in traditional marriage doesn’t mean they’re a “homophobe”. My sister is a lesbian and I love and support her but she understands that I believe in traditional marriage and to a certain extent she does too (when it comes to children). You can have different views as long as you aren’t hateful or discriminate, etc. Tolerance works both ways.
But keeping gays from marrying IS discrimination!
Exactly! And, tolerance doesn’t work both ways when one person’s opinion is discriminatory toward an entire class of people. It is NOT intolerant to say that the opinion that certain people should be denied a benefit afforded our society (i.e., marriage) because of a core characteristic of who they are (i.e., gay) that others not in that category (i.e., straight people) are automatically afforded is wrong. Discrimination is wrong, no matter how right the people doing the discrimination believe they are, and no matter how nice and otherwise reasonable those people might be. The people who were against interracial marriage thought they were right, too, and I’d bet some of them were considered by many people to be fairly nice people otherwise. Not all discrimination comes in the form of a foaming at the mouth, hate-spewing sound bite. But, it’s still discrimination.
What do you mean when it comes to children? She won’t have kids simply because she is gay?
Not that I understand why people are anti-gay marriage, but I especially don’t understand why people don’t think gay people should have kids/adopt.
Errm. . . . what do you mean by traditional marriage? If you mean that a church should be able to limit who they marry in religious ceremonies, then I’d agree with you. Churches doing their own thing is something I’m totally in favor of.
If you mean that people like your sister and I shouldn’t have access to the rights of married people (as a civil institution) then that’s discriminatory. And my partner and I are planning on having children (through the use of a sperm donor) as do many other couples. But my partner and my future kids should be treated as a family, with all the legal rights that being a family entails.
Or traditional marriage could also be the type where parents sell their young teenage daughters off to older, wealthy men to improve the family’s standing. Or the type Jacob had in the Bible, where he was in love with one woman, but she had a sister he got tricked into marrying first, and then finally he married both of them.
Marriage, traditionally, isn’t always very nice. 😛
I’ll bite. If you’re not afraid of stable partnerships codified in the law for couples that don’t have the same genitals as you and your partner, then why do you oppose it? Ie, what impulse is strong enough for you to hurt someone when *refraining from* hurting them would not be harmful to you or anyone else? There’s very little I can think of that would force me to hurt my friends, much less my sister.
For those of you who are talking about being tolerant to the intolerant, maybe that rang true more so 20 years ago, but opposing gay marriage is no different than opposing interracial marriage and those that do will once again find themselves on the wrong side of history and liberty. Opposition to gay marriage and gays in general, however hushed, however structural, is rooting in pure discrimination. Tolerating that discrimination is whats the phrase… Silence is consent. Recognizing your straight privilege but not doing anything about it is also kinda worthless. Everyone’s got a racist great aunt but you don’t need to call her a good person cause she’s family or a friend.
Hello there, here’s the thing: you can always change an homophobic mind. I understand that there’s a lot of prejudice against LGBT people nowadays, but you have to believe and hope for the best. Try to show your friend some data, events, domentaries, anything that can possibly change his mind. You cannot let him have so much hate on his heart. Everyone deserves to love, this is human rights! But remember: having this kind of homophobic behavior is not cool or healthy for your surroundings, I suggest you to not be with this guy anymore if he keeps with this conservative thoughts. Hoping for te best!
Hello how are you.
I think that this problem is more common than it seems, and from my experience I have had several friends who also had the same opinion as your friend and that is not why I have left these aside, everyone has their ideology and I with them I respect their opinions and they mine, as long as there is respect for the opinions of both parties, everything can remain the same. Maybe you could try to change his perspective because many people think so because he is not sufficiently informed on the subject. I hope it has helped you and see how your friendship goes.
Fascinating read. But yikes. Far too many people preaching tolerance. Tolerating homophobic views is a fallacy. In that the much praised and oh-so-enlightened and aspired to tolerance is always a one way street. And thus… a lie.
NEWSFLASH: Homophobes don’t ever tolerate homosexuality. Oh hell no. Instead they methodically elect assholes that provide legal cover for open hate and descrimination. And they do it gleefully. In the name of Jesus and children.
Yeah… I have ZERO patience for those that coddle and remain friends with homophobic assholes. In many ways they are worse than homophobes in that they just stand there. Wringing their hands. Doing nothing other than maintaining these dubious friendships so they can… go fishing?!
Seriously? Fuck you.
You should know better. They always claim they know better. Only they don’t. Practice what you preach or get the fuck out of my life. I have no use for weak and feeble allies… because in the end that is what they are. Useless…