36 and Forever Single
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“Which will probably be a different audience than mine or Miss Dre’s or Fyodor’s.”
Given that my audience at the time was “Jewish women aged 22-29” this is pretty likely.
Wendy’s idea to delete the word just, yes! Also, write more actively. You use passive voice, which isn’t as impactful. Fyodor’d sports example was great. Focus on a few things about yourself and give concrete examples. Your profile reads as unsure of yourself, like you’re throwing out a whole bunch of stuff that doesn’t really say anything. All you need is one or two good hooks to interest someone.
When Wendy has time, I bet she can offer a lot of solid suggestions.
I also highly suggest counseling for self esteem issues. You’ve spent your entire life thinking you’re not worthy, so if you don’t see your value, nobody else will. A good counselor will help you see your worth, I promise you, it’s there despite what your family has told you. They suck for not lifting you up.
We had some very specific “hooks” in mine, to ktfran’s point. In “what im doing with my life,” I said I was getting my only tattoo removed, and that was gonna keep me busy for a while because it takes forever.” Looking at my inbox this morning, a bunch of the guys asked about that and a few other very specific things I had mentioned. I had one pic of my dog in it looking ridiculous, and guys said he looked cool and asked his name.
Ok, I’ve responded privately to bluegreen. I sent her my questionnaire (from which I can edit a new profile) and I made some comments about the photos I was able to see. Hopefully my advice will be taken with the good nature it’s intended.
One other quick thought, which Wendy may have mentioned too, is the emphasis on writing and looking for material could send a message that you’re dating to look for content for your blog or book wherein you’re going to tear apart guys you date. I know, you’re not, but a lot of women have “dating” blogs where they just shit on the guys who contact them. I’d downplay it for that reason, and also to make room for other things about yourself.
If you’re going to represent yourself as an aspiring writer, you should probably make sure you are using the right words in an expression. You write “towing the line”. That’s not correct. You tow a barge, you tow a trailer, but you toe the line. I’m really not even sure what it is that you are trying to say about your boss. It makes you sound as though you are kind of a flake at work. Is that really the way you are? It seems like one thing to enjoy humor, but something else again to know when to be professional. And comments about “toeing the line” at work sound to me as though you aren’t in a responsible position and that you require a lot of management. There’s a difference between “fun” and “inappropriate.”
I agree about being careful about using the word sarcastic in regard to your humor. That can be kind of exhausting to be around, as it has a negative tinge to it.
I haven’t read through all the responses, so I apologize if I repeat something that’s been said. People want to imagine what their life would be like if they were with the person in the profile. It’s hard for them to do this with you because it’s mostly about your inner life within your mind. The only external stuff is about people who aren’t them, like your boss/co-workers and nephew. I like books, movies, food, etc., a lot of solitary things, but when I write a profile, I put those in but sprinkle with more active/external things. Even if it’s something you don’t do ALL the time, but just like to do. I mention hiking even though I don’t hike a lot, because I do it from time to time, and if I had someone to go with, I’d do it more (creeped out hiking alone).
Also, you need more specifics. It’s a major turn-off for me when someone won’t list actual books, music, etc., they like. It makes me think they are sort of bland. Plus, the more things you list, the more likely someone will see their favorite tv show or movie and think they should contact you.
I didn’t mention it in my private replies to you, but I agree with Kate about the comments on writing a book and looking for material or how everything is food for your imagination. I’d limit the whole writing a book thing to one comment. “I’m an aspiring writer,” or “A dream of mine is to write a book one day” is enough (and a detail about what kind of book would be helpful). I’d also not mention the nephew. Literally, no guy reading your profile is going to care that you have a nephew you like to talk to and play games with.
Thank you so much for the feedback, I’ll be making changes to my profile. If anyone has any more suggestions, please keep them coming. I need all the help I can get considering everything I’ve tried hasn’t worked thus far.
Here you go:
“I’m a big sports fan (college and NFL football, the Florida Gators and the Seattle Seahawks) who loves playing video games, studying history (especially Tudor-era England), and cooking (I’m searching for the ultimate steak recipe. Do you have one you recommend?).
I’m very proud that I’m going back to school, pursuing a degree in Interactive Media and writing for my campus newspaper (I love writing and dream of writing a YA novel one day). I’d love to meet someone who enjoys watching sports, going out to dinner (I’m always up for pasta, Mexican, or a great steakhouse), and playing video games. And a secret wish of mine to is to go skydiving some day, but I don’t want to do it alone, so bonus if you’re someone who might want to join me and help me cross that off my bucket list. Other items on my bucket list: travel to England and France and visit all of the historical sites that I see in TV shows and documentaries; cook with my favorite chef, Chef John of the Food Wishes blog; and visit every state in the US (I’ve been to eight so far, plus DC). What’s on your bucket list?”
What I’m doing with my life
Working full-time, going to school, and watching the game.I’m really good at
Cooking! I also have a really good memory when it comes to movie quotes. [LIST A FAVORITE QUOTE HERE).Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
My all time favorite show is The Tudors. I’ve seen every episode multiple times. I ALSO like: GoT; Walking Dead; and Breaking Bad.Three movies I would want if I was on a desert island: Deadpool; Goodfellas; The Women.
My two favorite musical genres are rock and metal.
Mac and cheese has been my favorite food but I think it’s about to be supplanted by carnitas tacos. [Why? Is there a place that has especially good carnitas tacos that you’ve just discovered? Do you make good carnitas tacos?]
Six things I could never do without
1. Coffee.
2. My glasses.
3. My cat.
4. Phone/laptop.
5. Books.
6. Lip balm.On a typical Friday night I am
Searching for the best carnitas tacos and watching the Gators.You should message me if
You’re looking for someone who doesn’t just tolerate sports and video games, but loves them. If you have a good steak recipe you’re willing to share. If you, too, are looking for a skydiving partner.”
