Am I being too pushy on dates? I could use some advice.
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From a woman’s perspective, hooking up on a first date is a no for me. In your case it seems you two had a connection and it led to hooking up. Nothing wrong with that. She gave you her honest feedback, it wasn’t for her. You aren’t wrong and neither is she. Everything was consensual unless there is more to the story. If this is exactly what happened then it just didn’t work out.
Be a good guy and respect her wishes just like you would expect from her. Keep dating and find the person who is for you. You may be looking too much into it. I personally think your being judged pretty harshly here, your story seems genuine. Keep dating and enjoy meeting new people.Helluva thread!
Rock on @anonymousse and @kate for calling out bullshit and being so very clear about consent.I lol’ed at Jeff’s use of fake email addresses (bc Wendy would, what, send the “someone is acting like an asshole online” police after him?)
But that had nothing on his efforts a couple pages back to clarify how confusing consent is for possible future readers who might otherwise not get what they need from this thread. For fucks sake, to have the overconfidence of a mediocre man-child.
I stumbled into this and ended up reading the whole thing, woah.
I’ll agree with all the feedback… I’ll add a new point: Jeff is fixated on that maybe asking twice for sex on the first date could be seen as pushy by women, but he’ll continue to have sex on first dates because he likes to have hookups. I’ll add more to it: it’s not about whether having sex on the first or any date is morally wrong or questionable. It’s that women in their thirties looking for a serious long-term relationship will see it as: “you can’t be bothered to hang out and get to know me on a personal level, to see if we click as people and could grow into something. You are so eager to just get sex, that you’re too impatient to wait for a date or multiple dates for that to happen. How come does this correlate to withstanding the relationship years down the line?”It’s not about having to wait over the first date without getting a fuck. It’s a general attitude that implies you’re inpatient to (just) get laid (with anyone). If you really want to build a life together, it’s not a countdown about how many dates you should wait out. Sex and physical intimacy will naturally happen, sooner or later. Most people looking for hookups don’t want an exclusive relationship with you. Goes to both men and women, and women will interpret your behavior/intent this way.
So, Jeff, hold your horses and don’t beg for sex on the second date either. That will also be perceived as pushy and just impatient to get laid.
She perceived it as a drunken hookup. Maybe fun, but not an experience she wants to repeat with you. You were the one-night-stand that couldn’t get it up, the one she had too many drinks with to truly be okay with everything. An online date that led to sex, no true potential for more.
I would have been instantly turned off if you had asked me a second time to go back to your place. If someone answers your question and says no that should be the end of it. Don’t keep asking questions until you get the answer you want. That is so rude, it makes it seem like what she wanted didn’t matter and that basically what you want was all that mattered. So yes, you are pushy. The woman stating she didn’t want to see you again should have basically clued you in to that fact.
No sex until engagement. That’s how a grown men are looking for a serious relationship.
You are looking for sex, and you are lucky to get it. I call it sexual exploration of women.
Having sex with a drunk woman is rape!
Living in a sick culture doesn’t make it ok to go along with.
Grow up and get a grip! Or don’t, whatever.
