Am I being too pushy on dates? I could use some advice.
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I don’t think alcohol was a factor here, though I know I’m the one who initially raised it as a potential issue. I’m petite and a lightweight, and three drinks over an eight hour day would not leave me impaired.
For a first date, go out, get to know one another a little bit, go home. You can say things like, “I had a great time,” to show your continued interest. Then follow up, ask her on another date. If the interest is mutual, you’d likely be going out again within a few days.
And yes, I had the same thought as @bloodymediocrity about why she changed her mind but didn’t say so outright because believe it or not I do not try to be mean on this site.
Kate what’s odd is that I did communicate, at least I thought. I did 3 things on our date:
1. I asked what’s a fun speed of dating at the bar and she responded “I think things move fast if I’m into the person”
2. I asked, twice (I know, I know), if she wanted to home. Tbh, the second time was after we were making out at the second bar and holding hands
3. I asked in bed what she liked and didn’t like.bloodymediocrity’s point actually kind of makes sense. Even though she enjoyed me going down on her, I couldn’t get it up (I probably had a beer too many). and I think that’s a possibility. It was late, I had 5 drinks, and was a bit nervous and hadn’t used a condom in a while… since this isn’t really a frequent thing I do.
While thinking about it slightly… this sort of makes sense a bit.
Well, educate me. What goes through a woman’s mind when a guy can’t get it up the first time.
Tbh, I’m okay with it. It doesn’t happen to me often and honestly if someone rejects me because of that… I’m okay with it. None of my exes and I had that issue and it really only happens on a first date… I get a bit nervous sometimes and it… rarely happens… so I feel the negative judgement is inaccurate.
But… what goes through a person’s mind when that happens. I think I handled it fine… I basically said that I was a bit too tipsy to have sex but happy to just cuddle and touch her and go down on her. She seemed to enjoy it and I remember us hugging at the end and her showing appreciation. It seemed actually… okay. She left at like 5 after we napped for a while.
You say, are you 100% percent into this right now on the second or third or fourth date, not fully drunk after hours at bars. You let her take the lead. You don’t have sex on the first date, not because it will never lead to anything more, but that every woman on a first date gets asked home…and it gets old. Really old. And depending on that women’s particular life experiences, the drinks rolling in and you keep asking and asking and touching her, she is going to feel pressured and coerced even if she’s saying yes. You need to learn about women. Women are socialized to say yes. Women are taught to people please and not disappoint and to me, it seems like you’re heavily taking advantage of that.
You not getting it. But not because I don’t think you get it, it’s just that you do like having sex on the first date and you don’t want to stop trying for that. You like it too much.
You can’t have a real relationship and endless one night stands. Take your pick. You’re making your own choices.
What I think is wow, he pushes me to come home with him and can’t even deliver?! He cares more about drinking than respect for me or sex.
No it’s not. Hookup culture is hookup culture. You said you want a relationship. You’re 36 and hooking up pretending to want an adult relationship. Leave the hookup behind to get a relationship. It’s easy.
Yeah and you’re more likely to get the benefit of the doubt if you’ve built up some capital on a few dates.
