Am I being too pushy on dates? I could use some advice.
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You shouldn’t ask a woman what she likes in bed on the first date at all if you’re 36 and actually want a relationship. That will turn everyone off and leave everyone else feeling icky when they recap the date with their friends later.
Anonymousse: Hey look I know you hate me to my core… but uh this is kind of why I brought up the difference in how we see hookups. All of my relationships have started with a first-date hook up, and yes with drinks. It sounds like you think that’s bad. I disagree is all. That’s literally all. My relationships ended for different reasons… nobody was like “hey this is ending because we hooked up on our first date”. I think… first-date hookups are completely fine, even with drinks, obviously with consent…. and it doesn’t sound like you do.
You are attacking me and it is odd to me how many people are just allowing it here.
For Anonymousse: “You shouldn’t ask a woman what she likes in bed on the first date at all if you’re 36 and actually want a relationship. That will turn everyone off and leave everyone else feeling icky when they recap the date with their friends later.”
Care to explain? Should I not ask?
Anonymousse: I didn’t ask her what she likes in bed on the date. I asked her what a comfortable speed of dating is, and she responded that she moves quickly if things are going well.
I asked her what she likes in bed… while we were in bed. How would you go about it?
Jeff, it’s icky. You push her to come home (we’ve established she felt pushed). You then put a burden on her by asking what she wants. And you can’t perform because you’re nervous, because it’s a first date. It’s just… that’s bad. Don’t make her tell you what she likes, especially if you can’t deliver. Just take it slow, do stuff, ask her is this ok, take her cues.
Kate: She uh… clearly does. Have you two been long-time posters together? do you know each other offline? It’s odd that I seem like the more pushy and aggressive one here.
To me, based only on what you’ve shared here (I don’t know you’re life, only what you’ve written here, so excuse me if I’m wrong but) you seem like a guy in your twenties who never left the bar and drinking culture behind and can’t think of a date other than that. I’m surprised you’re 36. Are you dating women our age?
A first date should be really quick- one drink, chitchat, sense charisma and go. If it goes well, you make another date. You don’t ask them what sexual positions they like. That’s not expressing personal interest in another human.
No, you’re not getting it. Look, I’m not going to tell you how to have good sex, but that’s not it.
Anonymousse: I didn’t ask what her favorite sexual positions are. It was simply “Hey what do you like?” I don’t think it was intended as a perverse question… it’s simply a “Hey, what would you like” or “What do you enjoy in bed?” or “What’s comfortable?”. I don’t see why you think that’s a bad thing to say. It was not intended as a “what are your fetishes?”. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with that tbh.
