Am I in the wrong ?
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Oh my god, if I ordered an overweight person to get a gastric bypass, people on here would be cutting my throat. I get a bunch of shit just for *suggesting* calorie counting, which works for me, to people *looking for weight loss suggestions.* Please.
If the LW gains control of her life that will include control of her fertility. She has never had control of her life but with access to the services available she can gain that control. Helping someone become independent is the best way to help them and their children. Having access to safe shelter is critical. Then there needs to be enough food and clothing to get by. Then she can look at things like education to earn a better income and hopefully someday not need assistance.
I think LW is a troll for sure. No one is that f’ing stupid.
However, leaving aside historical connotations, it is very important for people to support themselves first before having children.
On the off chance this is actually a real letter, the LW could not even take care of her existing children. Therefore she has no business popping more. And she is obviously incapable of practicing other forms of contraception. Therefore tubal ligation is a very good choice for LW. Even if she ever gets her life in order, childcare is costly, and she is unlikely to care for a number of children on her own. The least she could do is save another future child from a terrible life.
Why stop at this LW? Why not sterilize every economically disadvantaged person who comes from what sounds like an abusive background? Maybe then they’ll learn? Because honestly, many only know what they experience.
Those of you who admonish this LW instead of offering helpful advice to better her situation, what do you do to help people that have a rougher life than you? What kind of outreach do you do? Me, I mentor at risk kids. I’m not paying lip service.
If it’s not obvious, I’m with Kate and skyblossom on this one.
Fine. The LW should have twenty more babies. ASAP. As that is apparently the only thing she can do successfully. Lord knows she can’t write coherantly enough to get a job. To quote A iconic song from the 1990’s “i’m sure she’ll make a really excellant mother…”
I don’t have the patience or desire to help people. I do spend 6-8 hours every single weekend working at my local animal shelter. I have no clue why that’s relevant but whatever. There’s a big fucking difference between disadvantaged but trying and whatever this mess of a situation is. Four kids by 21 is awful but she’s not concerned about that or how to make a stable life for herself or her family, she’s worried about a tax refund? What? Ok. Let’s pat her on the head and pay for her children so she can have more of them! That’s going to make everything peachy. Awesome.
Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn’t able to make it enough for you
To be open wide, nooooooo
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me
You’d hold me until you died
‘Til you died, but you’re still aliveAND I’M HEEEERE! TO REMIIIIIIND YOU!
Sorry, BGM sent me on a journey there
If patting her on the head means not yelling “Get sterilized!!!” then yes, that would be more helpful.
Again — when the world population had doubled (DOUBLED!!) in my lifetime — NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY, should be popping out more than four kids…
Again – there’s a difference between expressing that opinion – which I share – and screaming at someone to get an operation.
Everyone is missing the fact that she is working and has a $6000 tax return. She is not lazy. She just needs to escape the abuse and she will end up on her feet. She is trying to provide a safe home for her children. She is asking how much of her money she should give to her mom’s abusive girlfriend when giving that woman money takes away from her own ability to move out. She is asking a moral question. The girlfriend probably knows that the $6000 is enough for the LW and her mom to leave. If you want to control people you try to control their money.
LW It is okay to keep the money. Use what you need to get you and your kids in a safe home. If I understand you correctly you are saying your mom was paying your expenses so you don’t think you owe her girlfriend anything. If your mom was paying your way you owe the girlfriend nothing. Do you think your mom was saying to pay because she is being pressured by the girlfriend and paying is the easiest way to get her off your mom’s back. Your first priority needs to be a safe home so if you need to keep the money to escape an abusive place to get to a safe place keep the money and use it to escape.
You should also have your workplace change your taxes so that you aren’t paying in so much extra. Make sure they know that you have three kids and when the baby is born make sure they know you have four. Use the extra money each month to pay your own expenses.
It would be fine to live with your mom if she leaves her abusive partner and doesn’t bring another abusive partner into your home. Your mom seems to have a history of picking abusive partners. If you can’t trust her to do better you need some rules about no partners in the home. If you don’t think she would follow a rule like that then you need to find a better roommate than your mom. Your mom has made a series of bad decisions. You can do better.
It is always okay to use your own money to provide you and your children a safe home.
First of all, never ever ever EVAH, model your life a on Tyler Perry movie, okay, OP? I didn’t really read all of it, but that struck as the problem with your mindset immediately.
Second, don’t date drug dealers or people who associate with them! You’re absolutely right that is a stressful situation. Like that’s not a singular problem of your ex, okay, just stay away from all fuckboys who have drugs around you.
Third, do not expect your mother to behave rationally about her gf. You have no evidence that she’s going to protect you, like…you’re all about how your mom and you are going to start fresh, but she ain’t started fresh before so why now??? Like, yeah, maybe your mom comes with you, but don’t be surprised if she stays with her shitty gf or she comes with you but lets her shitty gf in your homes to rifle around in your business.
Fourth, don’t start that business until you and your kids are stable and you have a good couple thousand in savings.
Last, keep every single dime of that money.
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