DW Community Catch-up Thread
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He’s a douchebag, LadyE. This isn’t your fault. But you do need to get some therapy so you can recognize and stop the pattern of choosing these men who are unavailable to you and treat you like shit. Once you address that, you will meet the right person eventually. But until you address the issues, you will continue this awful, painful pattern. I wish you only the best!
I’m not sure what his addiction is, but I can tell you that if he’s still going through the steps and highs and lows, bullet dodged. My brother is a drug addict, and girls love to date him to try and “fix” him since he’s a wounded war hero that “can’t help himself”. It NEVER ends well for them. I know it sucks right now, but you are much better off.
As for my friend, I’m upset she would consider staying with the guy since she came home and he was passed out high on pills while my god daughter was playing alone. That’s just incredibly sad to me. I can’t really say too much if I want to keep my god daughter in my life though. Right now my friend isn’t texting me or anything, which is unusual since we usually talk every day. I’m not sure if she’s pissed I said the drugs would be a deal breaker for me or if she’s just embarrassed she’s staying with him for the money.
I’ve never been happier to he single or more grateful to be on birth control.
I agree with the other ladies. I’m so sorry that it didn’t work out. Take the time you need to mourn the loss of potential, and then I hope you come back and re-read these posts and feel angry and realize you deserve better.
At 32-33-34-35, there are lots of great guys left who don’t have issues and who don’t throw up barriers. I’m only 25, but if I think of my most eligible single guy friends right now that I would set up a friend with, they are 32 and 34 respectively and are very much interested in dating people their age/life stage. This is all to say, there are guys your age, interested in moving forward in the way you do, who don’t have issues, who are upfront, honest, and nice people, who also have emotional intelligence.
Ugh. What a selfish shit. I’m so sorry, LadyE. You seem like a very empathetic and caring and genuinely nice person and there are people who are just drawn to that, but, unfortunately, not in a good way. Instead they’re just looking for someone who will put up with/tolerate/empathize with all the drama and problem dumping that they do. That’s what this guy did. He took advantage of your willingness to listen and be supportive, all the while knowing that he was an emotional mess and without ever really having any intention of reciprocating/ability to reciprocate the effort and care that you put into trying to make this work. Intentional or not, it is a shitty, selfish thing to do.
I’d also recommend maybe seeing a therapist, not because there’s anything “wrong” with you, but to help you recognize the signs when you’re being emotionally manipulated. Until you learn to recognize them and then set boundaries for yourself to not allow your caring side to be suckered in by them, then these emotional vampires will flock to you and drain you dry every time.
Hugs. This too will pass. And 33 is NOT old! Girl, you’ve got plenty of time left. Don’t settle for someone who isn’t 100% as invested and “there” as you are.
@kare, pardon my bluntness, but if you want to be a beacon of good in your goddaughter’s life- you need to say something. What are you losing? Your friend is already pulling away.
This child is in harm’s way when she is with that man. If you don’t say anything, who is going to? Some people need a wake up call about how destructive their actions or inactions are. I mean, what’s next-drunk driving with the kid in the back? Hoping the neighbors don’t call the police and CPS?
I apologize for butting in when advice is not wanted, but children! That’s my weakness. They can’t advocate for themselves, and in a situation like this, someone needs to speak up and do something.
@theladye, I am so sorry this happened yet again. I think you really should find a good therapist and figure this out. You seem to want to believe anything these guys tell you, even when their actions are telling you the opposite. If kissing was so sacred to him…why now? It’s bullshit. You should be angry.
@kare: What a sucky situation. Does your friend understand that she could have her daughter taken away if something happened while her BF was “babysitting” but really high and/or passed out? It sounds like she’s not thinking clearly at all. If she really wants that boob job that much, tell her to put it on some credit cards and dump this guy. The debt sucks, but damn, it’s a lot better than dealing with CPS (and that’s a good case scenario).
Holy moly, LadyE. I am so sorry! This guy is such an absolute ass. I’m so mad for you. After just a few weeks of dating, this kind of drama should not be happening (well, it shouldn’t happen, period). I’m really sorry that you are hurting right now. Hugs to you!!
Wow….I can only imagine your emotions right now LadyE. Stay strong, positive, and most importantly, be selfish right now. Do things that make you feel good and benefit yourself. Screw guys for a bit and just enjoy having your ME time. And don’t let your age hold you back, that is something that should not be on your mind. Get your best buds together for your B-day, drink, eat, and party!
Aw man I’m sorry things didn’t work out LadyE, you deserved so much better than that. Onwards and upwards mate.
“He said after meeting me and seeing it could really go somewhere he realized he was not ready yet.”
This is classic, classic, CLASSIC “it’s not you it’s me” and it is total bullshit I am 100% positive. It would almost be funny if you weren’t hurting so much LadyE. He’s dating, if he found someone he liked enough he would date them. No one dumps anyone because “this can really go somewhere and I don’t want to hurt you!” Or you know, maybe one or two people do here or there, but I would guess maybe 5-10 in the history of time. If there is one thing I learned from dating and living 35 years, it’s that if two people really like each other and they want to be together they will move heaven and earth to be together.
Agree LadyE you’ve got to break these patterns. And I’m sorry you’re hurting.
Ugh, I can’t even…
Trying to form a complete sentence, but it’s…THELADYE, I AM SO SORRY FOR YOU.
He’s an asshat, bringing all this drama to your doorstep and letting YOU carry it inside (!!) and then once it’s in, he bails and goes ‘Okay, well, good luck with that steaming pile of shit!’ It’s cowardly, is what it is. He is a coward.
You need to find a way to keep the front door firmly closed to this bullshit and only let in the people who care for YOU and aren’t looking for an emotional dumping ground.
And really, therapy can help you with unapologetically closing the door on people who are bad news for you. I should know, because four years ago I didn’t even know I HAD a door, let alone that it was in my power to sense who I didn’t want to let in, and to close it at will! You can absolutely do this, but I agree with the others – you have some work to do to get there.
First, hugs, though. All the hugs and good vibes. <3
