DW Community Catch-up Thread
- This topic has 11,820 replies, 97 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by
.
-
Posts
-
@Stonegypsy, I am a fan of Tinder. The people who are just looking for sex tend to be very upfront about it, which I really appreciate so that I don’t waste time talking to someone who isn’t looking for a relationship.
I really enjoyed reading this thread, as someone who has gone through the whole online dating rigmarole. @ktfran, excited for you! @veritek33, I’m sorry Ham Sandwich is turning out to be not so exciting. I hope he comes around, but if not, there will be someone else who wants to meet the beagles!
I also give out my number before a date usually. It’s just easier if I need to find the person in a crowded place or something.
I think I’m flip flopping on my Wednesday plans because I get the feeling the guy is just looking for a hookup, which is not what I’m after at the moment. He hasn’t said anything in particular to make me think that, but we weren’t talking very long before he suggested we meet up for a drink this week. Maybe I’m just jaded.
@Loo it does seem a lot easier than okcupid. Plus it really helps me be more excited about talking to people when I only match with the ones I actually find attractive.
@Kare for the record, I think a lot of people just don’t like to spend a ton of time chatting with someone who ultimately they may not have chemistry with. I know I also have a hard time continuing to keep up conversations online with strangers, so I’ve just started asking them pretty quickly if they’d like to get together in person “To verify that neither of us is the ‘back away slowly’ brand of crazy?” rather than letting the conversation fade into daily boring greetings or silence.Well, you’re really only supposed to exchange a few messages before meeting up to see if you like each other in person. I don’t know if he’s just looking for a hookup but that in itself isn’t suspicious.
@kare, it sounds likes he’s just interested. Something casual like coffee or drinks is my favorite “first meet” because you don’t have to stick around for an entire meal if you aren’t feeling it. Maybe I’ve just been dating aggressively, but I actually like meeting guys sooner rather than later so that I can screen them quickly.
I haven’t had a lot of experience with online dating, so thank you guys for the input! That does make sense to figure out if you have chemistry early on. I feel like in the past when I had tinder, I would have a conversation for at least a week before meeting up. (Which never worked out, so meeting up earlier definitely could waste less time). My friends are coming to the city for a night out this weekend, so I’m looking forward to that. Hopefully my date goes okay, or humorously wrong.
Came across a recent Facebook post by Arlene Dickinson, awesome boss lady who was on Canada’s Dragons’ Den (similar to Shark Tank). It’s not really about dating but I liked it a lot:
I can’t imagine I am the only woman over 50, not married or in a serious relationship, that has been told by some well meaning friend that It would be so good for me to find someone. Find someone? Is there a specific spot I should look? Is there a lost and found pile I can dig through to see if someone in there belongs to me? Perhaps there’s a room full of eligible smart kind men in a building somewhere I can’t locate. Of course I am kidding. I know people are well intentioned when they say it. But did they ever think that people who aren’t in serious relationships can still be seriously happy? That while it may be lovely to be with someone it doesn’t mean we can’t be happy without someone? My happiness is based on me liking myself and loving the time I spend with my family and my friends. I’ve been in relationships that tore my very soul apart and left me desperately unhappy and marginalized. But, from the outside looking in I would have been seen to have it all. A handsome man and a ring on your finger is not the arbiter of a life or love fulfilled.
I have no problems with the truth on this matter. It will be nice if or when I meet the right, good man. But for now I am most happily living with exactly the right woman. Me.
So I googled my date for Wednesday, and he’s the founder of a pretty well known annual BDSM event in my city.
Oh boy. You sure he doesn’t just have the same name as that guy? I assume you’re not into BDSM? If you’re sure he is that guy, I think you just cancel the date. However, I really believe people need to relax with the googling before date zero. It’s too paranoid. When meeting up with someone from online I never even knew the guy’s real name, and vice versa, before meeting up. Since Tinder is based on Facebook, do you see their full name? I don’t know, I feel like we went for thousands of years without being able to do an online background check on our dates, and it isn’t necessary. A lot of sociopathic shit that might actually be valuable to know isn’t going to show up on Google, but if you have any radar or ability to see red flags, you’d pick up on it while getting to know them. And a lot of what you might find online could be taken out of context and misinterpreted. I say at least meet someone in person in a public place before you start searching their history.
For example, think about all your exes and their strange tendencies and jerky behavior and the things that made you incompatible (I’m doing the same thing). Would any of that appear in an online search? Not in my case. I think it’s risky for new generations to start relying on google at the risk of dulling their personal senses and ability to pick up on stuff that’s not right. Your intuition is so important and can save your life, and it’s so much more reliable than google. The Gift of Fear was written before the Internet age and it’s still spot-on.
