DW Community Catch-up Thread
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What if the LW wrote: “I met a guy who pursued me more attentively than I’ve ever been pursued, and after only two months he was ready to be exclusive. We talk every single day — sometimes multiple times a day, but he never mentioned he might be up for a job on the other side of the country until he was literally on a plane on his way to the interview and then he didn’t contact me until he got home several days later, not even to send a quick text or email that he arrived safely.”
I mean, really, it takes like 15 seconds to send a quick msg. like that.
@MissDre mentioned how the guy facetimed her from airports and so. He is clearly pulling back. I imagine a pilot job in Middle East to be most likely UAE, Saudi Arabia or Qatar, some of the richest countries in the world, where there is most likely, wifi. If he used to facetime all of the time and now isn’t, that is weird. That being said, Miss Dre, I think you need to chill a little bit and stop over analyzing everything and waiting for him to reach out.
I once dated a friend of mine, we had been friends for two years and we started dating. A month into casually dating he got a scholarship to do his PhD in Europe. He proceeded to tell me that he had been offered the scholarship and then he dissappeared. A couple weeks later he told me he had taken it. So, he ghosted me, and he WAS my friend, we were close. We are still friends anyway, but what I mean is that anyone can do that, even someone who is close to you.
Also, my best friend started dating a guy who introduced her to her friends on the second date, made plans for a trip overseas on the same date. They texted every day, good morning, good night, calls. He reduced a lot of the talking and blamed it on being sick/tired/too busy. What happened? He realized things were going too fast and pulled on the brakes really hard. I don’t know why but it happens. People do this all the time, being 20, 30, 40.
Yeah I’m with Wendy, Copa, others. In context, this is unusual behavior for this guy. And I’m echoing something Kate always says – when a guy is all hot and heavy quickly, it’s usually (though not always) a red flag. You’ve gotten some really good advice here, Dre. I hope you take it.
I just sent him a super short email saying Hey, hope you reached Dubai safe and sound. I’m on WhatsApp if you want to reach out.
If I don’t hear from him at all… well then I guess I’ve sadly been ghosted. I may follow up next week with the words Wendy gave me… at least just so I know I’ve spoken up for myself.
I think chances are he’s going to take the job but doesn’t want to talk about it until he returns in person. Hopefully he isn’t ghosting you, but it does happen. I think we’ve all been ghosted before – even months in with people we thought we knew.
Even if someone talks every day, I still don’t think it’s necessary to discuss job situations when you haven’t had a concrete discussion about the future. He might not have known until right before. Or he might not have wanted to cause stress over something that might not be a possibility. At 2 months, it seems wise to focus on your career independently of your relationship.
@kare for the record, I’m not expecting him to talk over the job details with me or ask my opinion on whether he should take it. I’m just upset that he has basically dropped off the face of the earth.
Usually he’ll text me when his flights are about to depart. Something like, “Departing now baby. Will text you when I land” and then I’ll get a text like “Just landed in X destination, I’ll call you when I get to the hotel.”
So I expected something like that when he was taking off for the other side of the world. At least a text saying that he was at the airport, that he would talk to me soon.
We spent Sunday night together. Everything seemed fine Monday morning when we said goodbye. Now it’s basically been Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, silence.
Oh I know you weren’t expecting him to discuss the details, I meant that in general I don’t think most people would discuss it early on.
It does seem weird for him to drop off like that, but I guess I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I think you’ve taken the right approach – short email and then back off. Hopefully he will get in touch with you soon.
Good move, @MissDre! I think what sucks is that regardless of whether his behavior is unusual or not, the only thing you can really do is wait to see if he contacts you and how he explains himself. The waiting game makes me incredibly anxious — I’ve been ghosted once after a few months of dating someone and decided to give him a week to get in touch before I concluded it was indeed ghosting. That week made me so anxious and sad. So, I’m sorry you’re now just waiting to see how things shake out. BUT, I do think reaching out calmly and politely was a good move because then it’s like you did all you could and can walk away at least knowing that, should it come to that.
I’m really glad I didn’t make plans tonight. Everything is on lock down here and we have been told to avoid windows. I feel so sad for the police officers, especially since my mom used to be on the force.
