DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I’m sorry Dre. This totally sucks – sending internet hugs! Get some ice cream, watch some sappy/crappy movies and let yourself be sad.
I’m sorry, Miss Dre. Just take some time to process your feelings. I think it’s harder to get over someone after a few months than a few years because in addition to losing someone, you can’t help but think what could have been.
@Veritek – love the idea of a cross fit prom! What a fun motivator to keep you guys exercising.
@Misdre – keep in mind that when you’ve only dated someone for a few months, they’re on their best behavior. You learned more about what he’s really like during the shutting you out incident than all the stuff he did to impress you. I know it sucks to realize maybe someone isn’t who we thought they were. That was probably the hardest part for me to deal with with my last dude – that and the promise that it could’ve gone somewhere. Hang in there. Hugs.
@lucia_la I think it will be fun! They are having it catered and I think we bring any alcoholic drinks we want because clearly a gym doesn’t have a liquor license. I will probably ask the firefighter to be my date because we’ve hung out the most and always have fun together and asking him to come may give me the opportunity to pick his brain a little and see what’s going on in there.
And I have found it to be motivating! I’m one of the bigger girls at the gym (and I’m average sized, so if that tells you anything) so I want to look my best next to the crossfit queens 🙂
@MissDre ah so sorry you are feeling so down 🙁 Know we are all thinking about you today!
I ended up temporarily ending my FWB situation with my guy. I had mentioned in a previous comment that when we went for drinks with our hiking group a couple weeks ago he got drunk and flirted shamelessly in front of me with one of the other women in the hiking group. I finally stewed enough in my own thoughts and called him out on it the other day and said that what he did was totally inappropriate and disrespectful. We did have an agreement to be monogamous, but if there happened to be a chance we slept with someone else we would use protection and tell the other person for the safety of our health. But he didn’t realize that it was inappropriate to flirt with another women in front of me, especially when it was another woman in our hiking group, AND when we planned ahead of time to go to his place that night and sleep together. So ya I was pretty surprised by his rationale. He did apologize profusely and said he didn’t mean to insult me. But he also clarified that his attraction to this person clouded his judgement and so agreed what he did wasn’t right. He is attracted to her, but not sure what else he feels about her. He doesn’t think that anything will come from her, not that it makes me feel any better. At the moment we are still friends and we have a hiking group camping trip planned this weekend, so we are friendly and want to keep hanging out. But I just can’t do the sex at the moment. I might feel better in a couple months, but idk.
I mean am I totally wrong for being mad at him? Sometimes I feel that way because yes it was a FWB with no real solid commitment other than sex, but I assumed proper judgement for certain social situations would be displayed, and didn’t feel that happened in this case.
I don’t think it was right of him to flirt with someone in front of you. That’s rude. But I have to say, I don’t really understand the “rules” you have in place. He’s not your boyfriend, he’s a friend with benefits. So, why the need to declare that you’re exclusive? And why the need to tell each other if you plan to sleep with someone else? That just stirs up bad feelings and drama [really — how does telling each other protect your health? You’re using condoms aren’t you? If he tells you he’s going to bang another girl, how does that change anything?]
If you want to be exclusive with someone, it sounds like you’re really looking for a boyfriend. If that’s the case, own it.
If I were you, I’d have a don’t ask don’t tell policy with a FWB. You can each do whatever the hell you want with other people, say nothing, and yes always use protection.
Oh, and tell him he’s an ass for flirting with someone in front of you. That’s just rude and should be common sense.
Ya FWB situations are a bit confusing. This was actually the first real FWB I was able to establish. Every other time the guy would end up ghosting me after a couple get togethers, so the talk of the rules never got that far.
We both talked about the exclusivity, and we both agreed we would prefer to keep the sex monogamous. I am in no way interested in dating right now, so not looking for a BF situation, just casual safe sex with a guy with no emotional strings attached. I explained that to him when we first started and he was okay with that. In the future I would probably get rid of telling one another when we have sex with someone else (which kind of defeats the purpose of monogamy, I know, but the idea was that if there happened to be a one off opportunity we were okay with it and already discussed it), as the condoms kind of cover the worry I had with sexual health stuff.
But yes, he was an ass. He still kind of defended his actions by saying we didn’t have rules for flirting in front of each other with another person. But again I called bullshit on him and reiterated my feelings about it, so he knows how I feel.
I don’t do the monogamy thing with my FWB, but we do have conversations about what we consider appropriate behavior when we are out together. He gets hit on a lot, but he doesn’t flirt back because he agrees it’s disrespectful. One of his friends flirts with me when we are out, but he’s into it because he’s really attracted to the guy and wants to live vicariously through me. We have an odd thing, but it works. He’s actually out of town right now. 🙁 and one of my other guys is at his beach house all summer. Although I did just get a Christina piercing two weeks ago, so it’s probably best I take it down a notch.
