I think I have a problem of over empathizing with people and ignoring my own anxiety as a result (e.g. that time I dated a registered sex offender…who claimed he “didn’t do it”, that time I dated a compulsive gambler, etc.). It’s easier to walk away when it’s something that is a moral issue, like the guys who have cheated. This just feels like…it could have just as easily happened to me, isn’t at all a reflection of him, and feels unfair. Like discriminating against someone for something they can’t help. He’s the last person you’d expect and was so incredibly calm and nature about it. We have mutual friends and he made it clear they don’t know, so I feel like he’s put himself out there trusting me and I’m about to just nooooope it out. Ugh.

Thanks, I think I just need to hear it doesn’t make me a terrible person. I’m also allergic to latex (which I told him) which complicates things logistically. I’m putting off the phone call but I know I need to talk to him tonight or tomorrow and just be honest. I just hate hurting people and I know he really likes me.

@MaterialsGirl I just don’t want to drag it out if I know I’m likely to panic about it later on down the road. Wouldn’t that be worse? Won’t there be people that are cool with it off the bat? I don’t want him worrying about me being stressed or anxious…it puts him in an awkward position.

And it’s not around the corner but we did have to have an different awkward talk about an issue that I have. Occasionally I forcefully (like, grab someone by the back of the head and put their face somewhere) initiate sexy time while I’m completely asleep. Like sleep talking or walking. Which, apparently I did and then woke up in the middle of it and flipped out at him. In the morning I was pissed thinking he just went for it and he was confused as to why I would have woken him up like that and then suddenly flipped out. I’m absolutely finding a sleep clinic because this has happened often enough that I’m scared. Has this happened to anyone else??

Also apologies for the rampant TMI haha.

I wake up screaming, but I have night terrors. I can only imagine what it feels like to wake up, have zero idea what’s going on, but it was something you initiated in your sleep. That sucks. After a night terror, I usually have to sleep with the light on. And I have to check all corners of my bed to make sure whatever not real thing that was attacking me isn’t still there. I’ve done some light research. Night terrors and sleep walking are related, and they’re hereditary. I’m sure sleep sexing(?) is the same. There are some common elements that can trigger them, including stress, a rich meal close to bed and being over tired. Mine have actually subsided for the first time in ever.

As for what you originally asked about, never feel bad about not continuing a relationships because something isn’t working. You’re totally ok with how you feel. I’d just be honest with him. If he takes it badly, that’s on him.

You don’t need to feel bad, @kmtthat. Lots of guys are going to fall into the “He’s Great, But…” camp. And I get why you might feel a twinge of guilt since it’s a stigmatized thing here, but there’s nothing wrong with your deal breakers.

Hmmm, am I the only one that thinks that possibly you have LESS chance of getting herpes from this guy than someone else? At least he knows he’s been diagnosed and takes steps to protect his partners and seems really grown up about it… A lot of the adult population has herpes and doesn’t know it or doesn’t care about protecting sexual partners (men and women!)