DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@Kate and @Moneypenny…he came over on Saturday afternoon with the unstated but expected understanding that we’d be hanging out all afternoon/evening and we did some drinking and he fell asleep on the couch. The next day I was expecting him to leave after breakfast but we kept talking and he ended up running errands with me…and then his car got accidentally towed so we had to go downtown to get it…and then we made dinner together and curled up on the couch drinking and watching stand-up comedy.
So to answer your question, I expected him to stay Saturday but not Sunday. It was fine that he did, though.
I mean, he IS a bit unconventional in every way – he’s an artist, a hippie, and spends 2 days with me without kissing me…heh. If I’d really had something to do yesterday I would’ve asked him to leave, but I was having so much fun I didn’t mind.
I did spend all day yesterday in yoga pants and without eye makeup (and without showering) so I had to get over that…but he, like, even made the grocery store funny. He seemed to be having just as good of a time as I was, though…:)
Like I said, guess we’ll see.
He does sound unconventional, so it could be any number of things. I agree with @Kate that you should reevaluate if a month goes by and he hasn’t tried to kiss you or anything. Also, you don’t want to slip into the comfortable stage too fast. You might find yourself with a semi-platonic roommate. Of course that’s the worst case scenario. I think you have a good plan – quit analyzing and see what happens. I’m pretty sure it’s been mentioned in this thread, but this makes me think of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie can’t decide if her and Aiden are friends or something more. There’s nothing wrong with taking things slow and enjoying each other’s company. 🙂
To Kare’s point, you guys did skip to the comfort stage of errands, yoga pants, cuddling, movies… But you didn’t have sex and you’re not in a relationship. So how does that happen? Well, it would happen because one or both people are enjoying *getting intimacy* without actually *being intimate*. That’s how Greg Behrendt puts it in He’s Just Not That Into You. In the chapter about “he’s just not that into you if he’s not having sex with you,” he talks about guys who like to hang out and cuddle and have sleepovers and watch old movies, and he’s like, “they’re not gay, they’re just not into you.” They get all those nice comfy perks of being in a relationship, the intimacy, without having to have the relationship or be responsible for you and your feelings. They’re not into you in the sense of being attracted and wanting to date and have a relationship. He says, move on because there’s a guy who’s dying to have sex with you. He’s out there.
Stone, thanks for the chicken recipe! I’ll have to try it.
TheLadyE, I’ve been following your Hippie Artist Guy. He seems really affectionate with the snuggling. Do you think he’s “straight edge” or something with the no kissing? I’m just trying to figure this out!
Ok, these are my dates/meet ups/thoughts update:
1) Coffee with the guy who set up the date in Toronto without offering to meet “halfway” as I live an hour away. Turns out this place was kind of halfway since he lives on the other “side” of Toronto, not downtown. Guess I need to learn not to be judgmental. Surprisingly nice date, as his pictures were quite serious. I’m not sure if I’m excited about him but he seems like a good person.
2) The guy I met with on Saturday: I had already declined meeting with him before the concert because of the date above. He said though that if he finished work early enough he could come find me at the concert since it’s on his walk home. Around 10 he said he was still at work so I said no problem. He texted me around 10:45 asking if I was still downtown and by that time the concert was ending and I told him I was going to take the train home.
Somehow as I was leaving the venue I bumped into him and he “walked” me to the station (10 min away). He gave me a choice to decline but I did want to see him again. We just chatted about our day. I’m not sure if I’m as excited about him now but we are still meeting up this Saturday where I live so I have pressure to plan something nice since he is taking the time to come visit. I’m figuring out some hike areas. I wouldn’t say he is that easily available (at this early stage of knowing him), as he works late and has his own friends, etc. We’ll seeee.
3) I still have some conversation with the lawyer guy I matched with in Chicago a few weeks ago (btw, @ktfran, I have total city envy). I know, it’s kind of weird. We had chats in which the end would be an appropriate end to this whole chatting “relationship”, but last and this weekend he re-initiated the conversation at like 1 AM asking how my tindering was going/or if I had “success” that night. Question for discussion, why would a guy ask that? Why does he want to know? I’m not sure what to even say — last week I had no “success” and this week I sort of did? Does he actually want to know?
Through our chats, he says he uses Tinder for relationships and that he doesn’t understand hook up culture, but then after I told him that I don’t hook up either, he said people still have “primal needs”. Again, I don’t understand what he is going off on!
If this were a local guy, I’d probably ignore and unmatch him, but since this guy is far away I just want to continue along out of curiosity. In a silly way I feel flattered when he messages me? It’s safe because he doesn’t live here? Ugh, I know.
Oh, and since I’m familiar with law firms and he mentioned some information about himself, I googled and definitely know where he works and have visited his bio page. I know, it’s creepy, but again, I justify with the never meeting him?? I guess that’s why I am keeping up this correspondence since he can’t be that much of a sociopath uh based on his bio page? Ha ha.
Ugh. He’s not a sociopath, but you should ask yourself, why, if he’s this total catch, is he spending time chatting up women who live nowhere near him? Why is he not so busy going on all these dates with local women to bother with someone in another country? Yeah. And the 1am thing was an attempt at cam sex or sexting or similar.
@Eve that sounds like a good date! And just hugging on a first date is totally acceptable. I almost never kiss on a first date.
@LadyE Here’s a question that maybe hasn’t been asked and if it has I’m sorry. Do YOU want to make out with Hippie or have sex with him? Forget if he wants to have sex with you, how do you feel? If you enjoy hanging out with him platonicaly (sp?) that’s awesome but if you don’t feel the urge to do anything physical with him I’d go on some dates with someone else that you might be more attracted to? Maybe I’m full of it just curious.
@hfantods, back in 2004 I joined OkCupid when it was really new. I was in college and wasn’t really planning on using it to meet guys, just to browse and to take their quizzes (their tests/quizzes were a big thing back then). Somehow a guy who lived in Boston started messaging me – can’t remember who initiated. I was in upstate NY, so not nearby. But he was really cool, and we eventually progressed to iming each other. We would tell each other our crazy dating stories. We might’ve dated or at least met if we had lived close by. We became Facebook friends a few years ago, and he got married this year. We no longer are in touch, of course, but I was happy to see that this seemingly good guy found someone. So I guess my point is, with the Tinder guy, sometimes it’s just nice to commiserate with someone who isn’t even in your area, about the craziness of it all.
Yeah, K, maybe he’s just looking for someone to commiserate with. I do think a 1 AM email about “whatcha been up to tonight” is an opener for “let’s fool around online,” though that’s not necessarily a bad thing if you want something like that in your life to help blow off steam. There’s no other reason for a guy to be asking on a weekend night around closing time, “did you have any success tonight?” If he really just wanted to swap dating stories, the context would be different.
So… I was an hour plus late to work today. Excellent date last night. We ended up not doing the water taxi/Chinatown thing because of weather. So we went to my second choice, which happens to be my second favorite restaurant.
