DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Oh, and on our last date, he told me he doesn’t have a ton of time for dating (demanding job that entails some travel). He said his one “ask” was that I not waste his time, because he has met women who just want attention, and told me he didn’t plan to waste mine, either. All of this sounds GREAT, but DUDE WHERE’D YOU GO?
Ya I don’t know. You could always follow up with him tomorrow and ask how his long weekend was and if no response by the end of the day probably safe to say he is fading out. I mentioned a while ago when I was going out with a guy (2 dates and 3 weeks total) he had suggested bringing me to a friend house warming and when I told him I couldn’t due to previous plans I suggested something for the following week. Didn’t hear from him for 2 days (typical with him unfortunately), and then did a follow up text, and to this day never heard from him! He seemed like a nice guy, really interested in seeing me, but ya un fricken predictable!
This has happened to me a couple of times. Things going great. We’re in contact plus 1 – 2 dates a week. Then all of a sudden, nothing at all. It’s like they disappeared from the face of the earth. Zero warning signs. Like, no acting weird or distant. Just, cut off contact.
People can talk a big game.
Also, some people just suck.
Ok, I actually don’t like this: “He said his one “ask” was that I not waste his time, because he has met women who just want attention, and told me he didn’t plan to waste mine, either.”
I’m trying to think how to articulate why that would rub me the wrong way… I guess 1) because, really dude? These women just wanted attention? And this is a regular thing that happens to you? And how is it that you know they just want attention? And why are you complaining to me about it anyway? 2) What does that even mean? You date someone to see if you like them. At what point am I wasting your time? When I decide I’m not actually that into you, and you then conclude I’m one of those nasty time-wasting dinner whores who just wanted attention? And 3) people who complain about game playing are usually the worst offenders.
He may not have ghosted you, and maybe he’ll turn up with a hospitalization… but the last time he contacted you about a date was going on two weeks ago and you haven’t heard from him… doesn’t look polite according to his own standards.
Totally cutting off contact with no fade-out has only happened to me once. The guy asked me to be his girlfriend, I said I wasn’t there yet, we went out one more time, and he vanished. I was hurt, but looking back, ending things was the right call. (He should’ve said something, though.) Usually when I look back on the guys who have taken the indirect road out of dating me, the signs were always there; I just never wanted to see them in the moment. This time, with zero warning signs, will be a first. It’s such a crappy way to treat someone when you can send a 10-word text message to end things.
@kate I agree. When she shared that about him it raised some warning flags for me. I have seen many guys’ profiles with the statement of ‘no drama’ ‘no games’ etc and I avoid those. Just off putting that they generalize that and also assume most women are like that. Kind of like the ‘nice guy’ syndrome.
Also, if someone told me they had a demanding job and not a lot of time to waste… uh, who doesn’t? You think I don’t??
I dunno. I didn’t find it off-putting. One of my friends only seems to care about money when she’s dating. She wants nice dinners, gets mad when the guy doesn’t pay for dates, expects boyfriends to give her money to spend when he’s not around, and has seriously considered a sugar baby website. She’s encouraged me to go out with men I have absolutely no interest in so that I can be wined and dined. He did go through the effort of planning nice dates for us, and I can see someone like my friend taking advantage of that. If he has dated anyone like her, I can see why he would say that.
@Cleopatra – Notwithstanding those comments, if this is how he chooses to end things, bullet dodged, yes. I think ghosting is tacky and rude. I’m still holding onto a little bit of hope, but realistically not expecting him to pop back up.
I agree with Kate, saying “don’t waste my time, I have a demanding job” doesn’t sound so great. Like, why is he dating then? Also, people want attention in a relationship. Like that is literally what you want. I’d be wary of people making statements like that, because at first they sound nice but then you find out where they come from.
I would say don’t hold out to hope, he doesn’t sound so great. If he resurfaces now with some lame excuse (not hospitalization), what would you do?
I mean, he didn’t actually say he doesn’t have time because he has a demanding job. (I read the latter into his statement because his job does take up a good chunk of his time. His statement was mostly “I’m looking for something serious, I only date one person at a time, I don’t have a ton of free time, and don’t want my time wasted.”) Not sure if that changes anyone’s opinions. In any case, I didn’t find what he said cringe-y and if I’m in the minority on that, it’s okay. I truly think all he wanted to communicate was that he doesn’t want to be spending time with women who know they’re on a different page than he is but enjoy the free dinners.
I do, however, disagree that most people date for the attention. I don’t. Do most people? I want find a meaningful connection and someone to talk to. Unless that’s the same as wanting attention?
