DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Copa, I’m sorry this happened, because I think you’re awesome and guys who ghost are such dicks. You deserve so so much better. I know it’s cliché but something better will come along.
Crooked teeth plus bad hygiene: gross.I am oficially an idiot and I deserve all the scolding I can get. My now ex talked to me the whole week and one day he started talking about our relationship and I told him that I didn’t want that conversation to be over texts, so we met on Wednesday and talked for a bit, then he told me that he wanted to talk on Saturday and we went to lunch, then coffee, and when we finally got to talk he had to leave. He then told me to get lunch on sunday so that we could finally talk without him having to leave but he cancelled in the morning and told me to have breakfast today instead.
I met him today for breakfast and we talked a lot, but it ended up in me asking him to give me a chance, almost begging again, crying, and him telling me eveything I did wrong, and that he didn’t want to get back together. If he doesn’t want to get back together then why the fuck does he keep telling me that he wants to have lunch/breakfast with me and talk and do stuff together? He keeps hugging me, telling me that he will do stuff for me like taking care of my car, doing stuff for my family, etc etc. I told him today you either want to be with me or you don’t. He says he need time to think, that he loves me but feels too hurt by my actions. Fuck that. I gave everything for that man. I gave him everything, and he just says that he “needs time”. I grabbed my stuff and started walking and he begged me to take me home. I let him take me home but he kept saying that he wanted to be alone. But this whole past week he didn’t show that he wanted to be alone, he kept asking me for favors, telling me how beautiful I looked, asking me to help him, asking me to have lunch with him, offering me food. And today he says that I did everything for him so he will miss me. But he wants to be alone, so he will be alone from today on. I just deleted every member of his family from my facebook, I changed my Amazon password and told him to fucking switch gyms. He wants to be alone, he will be. But I am an idiot for letting him trick me this whole past week, letting him make me believe that he wanted to be back with me and that he loved me. I could have used this week to heal. I am such an idiot.I love this community, I can’t believe all of the support I receive here, I know everybody told me to stop talking to him and stop letting him contact me, and now I will actually listen to all of the advice that I had early on, he was manipulating me. I hate everything right now.
@Ale I’m so sorry you’re hurting. I’ve been through what you’re going through right now. You’re not an idiot, HE is. He’s giving you this “false hope” (telling you the things he’ll miss about you, saying he’ll be there for you) because he feels guilty for hurting you and this lessens his own feelings of guilt – but he’s doing this without realizing how much MORE it’s going to hurt you in the end. He’s an emotional idiot who doesn’t realize that the kinder thing to do is to break things off completely.
I’m sorry. We’re here for you. Vent away.
Omfg. There’s something REALLY wrong with him. He’s a mean motherfucker and he’s punishing you for something. Or he’s just a shockingly selfish and self-absorbed little asshole. His treatment of you during and after this breakup (including the trip) should be a giant wake up call. He’s a piece of shit, sorry.
@Ale You’re not an idiot! Breaking up is really hard, especially after several years together, and everyone who was on here commenting about going no contact has more than likely made mistakes in that area. (I know I have. I’ve sent the sad, desperate e-mail pouring your heart out. Y’know, the one you’re supposed to promptly delete.) He’s either trying to have the benefits of the relationship (without the relationship) OR trying to make himself feel better. Like, if you go out to lunch and are friendly, it makes him less of the bad guy. Or possibly both. So you’re going to have to be strong enough to say no to his invitations. I don’t know if this is actually good advice, but don’t get sad, get MAD.
Yeah, I am MAD. He gave me hope again only to take it away. Everybody told me not to go today, to start my life without him already, and even my gut was telling me not to go because it was all going to be the same talk, the same shit abput how wrong I did and how he wants to be alone all over again, like he did when he broke up with me and then again on Wednesday and then again on Saturday. I should have listened to my gut. But I will listen now. This is all too hurtful but I know I will survive.
@Ale, I am so sorry. If it helps, I think you are being incredibly strong and I admire you. This was a long-term relationship and he is definitely emotionally manipulating you, probably to assuage his own guilt. Either that or he’s just straight-up sadistic. Either way, you will be fine and I’m so glad you can get some comfort from this community. I’m thinking of you.
I’m sorry he’s ghosting/avoiding you @copa. I think your connection was real. There might just be other stuff going on his life. Which doesn’t make it OK to not send you a quick text, but it’s not on you.
I am also really sorry @ale. I know you want to blame yourself, but he’s being entirely unreasonable. Good on you for changing your Amazon password (what a joke!). Yes, it’s another week, but in the long scheme of things, you have so much more time not to deal with him.
Saturday night guy has officially not replied. Which is cool, not everybody is for everybody. I’m a tad annoyed though that he didn’t “read” the message according to read receipts. It’s as if the message is left hanging, although I know. I don’t use read receipts, but clearly he does. But confession, I didn’t reply to two guys who texted after a first date a couple years ago. I was young (not really). I felt bad. I was just stupid, rude. So maybe I have one more non-reply and then my dating karma can balance out again.
Yes, the amazon thing is a joke. He can’t shop online because he “doesn’t know how” so he uses my account that I have set up to make it easier for him. However, since we don’t live in the US, things are different and everything arrives under my name but I have to go pick the packages up to the post office and also pay for them. I gladly did that when we were together, and now he wants me to keep doing it. Last week I even created an account for him, even after we broke up, explained how it works for him so that I didn’t have to do it, but he said that he wanted me to do it. Why the fuck do you tell that to someone you just broke up with? It gave me hope. So, he still wants the life I gave him, where I did everything for him, I solved his life and all I wanted back was loyalty, respect and to be in his priorities. He hasn’t faced the consequences of his decision.
Now that he has changed jobs and finally works in his field and makes much more money is when he decides to dump me. All this years of me helping him out when he had no money, letting him borrow my car, paying for him, waiting for him to make more money (because he promised we would talk about our future when he did, I didn’t care about the money) were like a scam. He dumped me the minute he was able to.
So, this week I have to go pick some stuff up at the post office (if I don’t they’ll charge me more money) and I’ll throw everything in his desk and that’s it. I had to change the password so he can’t order anything else that I would have to pick up. He’ll realize it soon. I blocked his number everywhere (a move I didn’t want to make, but had to) and I’m ready to move on.“So, he still wants the life I gave him, where I did everything for him, I solved his life and all I wanted back was loyalty, respect and to be in his priorities. He hasn’t faced the consequences of his decision.”
Exactly, and he thought he wouldn’t have to. Have you blocked him now from all social media and all forms of contacting you? Have you explained that he needs to leave you alone at work except for the minimum professional courtesy, and stop contacting you entirely? Be prepared for him to keep trying to fuck with you. He likes your reaction, which is pretty sick. He’s not going to stop right away, but please do not fall for it. Something is seriously wrong with this asshole. I’ve never seen someone treat someone so badly after breaking up with them.
Yes, what Kate said. Block him on all social media too. I can’t effing believe he would expect you to continue picking up his shit at the post office and paying for it after you broke up, WTF!!! What a douche.
Change all your passwords as well, everywhere. Make sure he can’t access anything.
I had blocked him already last week. I only had him on Instagram. And we shared Amazon and Netflix accounts, so changed those two passwords.
I explained to him that unless he saw a future with me, he couldn’t talk to me like everything was fine. That I would dissappear from his life. If he wanted to break up, he needed to leave me alone and stop expecting me to do everything for him for me to move on.
I also told him that I wanted him to find another gym. And blocked his number and email. He now has no way of contacting me, however since we work together he can always talk to me here because he knows I won’t make a scene. I told him to stop having lunch at the same time as me, to stop caring about me, or my car or my family or my cats. I told him to fucking own his decision.I actually just ran into him in the hallway… He said “Hello” and was going to greet me with a kiss but I ignored him and left him there hanging. I think that makes it pretty clear for him now.
