DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Yeah, I know he is hurting too, but I don’t think he is hurting as much as I am, because, well, he made his choice. He has cried in front of me saying he is hurt. He kept contacting me to feel better himself. I told him yesterday he was being mean and cruel to me, giving me hope and he started crying. Hopefully now, he will finally understand that every choice has its consequences.
When we talked yesterday he kept saying that I did stuff wrong, which is really hurtful, because what’s the point about kicking you when you’re down. Like he hated minimal stuff, things that seem so unimportant right now. For instance, he told me that he hated that sometimes when we got somewhere I walked ahead of him, and I left him “alone”. What a stupid thing to care about. I told him yeah a couple of times I started walking ahead of you, two or three steps, but then again, I was always there when you needed me the most, when you didn’t have money or meds, when you needed a ride, etc etc. However, I can’t say the same. The day we broke up, the whole fight was because we were going to a funeral and he was supposed to pick me up but he didn’t because he didn’t wake up. So I went by myself and started calling him to tell me how to get there and he turned his phone off. And then, texted me “use waze”. This was a bad neighbourhood and I was afraid of getting there by myself. And his support was “use waze”.
So, yeah 65% of the time I’m hurting really bad but then I remember all of the bad things that were going on, he was becoming a douche, and didn’t care about our future, and all of that makes me think that it was the best choice. And it was. But he says he needs time to think about us, but my time is to HEAL. It’s over for me.Ale. I like this side of you. He’s behaving so poorly. He’s reaching out for two reasons, and neither of them is because he’s hurting. He reaches out to make himself feel better and because he misses having someone to take care of him. Everything he has done and is doing is selfish. Please remember that. Don’t let him weasel his way back into your heart. Ever.
What ktfran said. He’s being selfish. Good for you for blocking him. Be strong. We’re all here whenever you need to vent 🙂
YOU’RE hurting. A person who’s not a shit, when they break up with someone, realizes that person is probably hurting. And they try not to hurt them *more.* And they don’t come around asking for favors. He’s not hurting, he 1) looooves attention, 2) wants to show you he’s got all the power now, 3) is totally insensitive. He may not be a “bad person” in the sense of, I don’t know, torturing animals and robbing old people, but he’s not a good guy.
I actually think he’s realizing that his gravy train just came to a screeching halt because of his cowardice. @Ale, you said that since he was making money now in his chosen field, now he chose to break up, but you did everything for him. Now he has to be a grown-ass adult and figure this life shit out, like, oh I don’t know, how to get stuff from Amazon. (Sorry, but what in the actual fuck, how did he not know that?) He is being a huge coward all around, as well as manipulative and incredibly selfish. You are being incredibly strong and I admire you. I’m not sure I would be as strong in your shoes. Vent all you need and we will be here for you.
Well, yeah at work yesterday he managed to dissapear. I didn’t see him at all, which shows that he made an effort to avoid me or, instead, that earlier he was making an effort to see me because I seemed to run into him everywhere.
Then I went to the gym and asked the receptionist if he had paid his month in advance, like he said he had. Receptionist told me no, so I found out that he lied about that. When I told him to switch gyms, he told me that he had already paid. Even so, I thought maybe this guy, since he hasn’t paid, is going to think things better and find a new gym. He didn’t. He showed up later. I obviously ignored him and finished my workout, grabbed my things and left.
People at the gym have told me that he seems sad. A friend of mine texted me yesterday to say that he is notoriously down, and he seemed pissed at me yesterday. But he has to face the consequences of his actions. Like @TheLadyE says, I know he knows that he lost a lot of things by losing me.
I am happier and calmer now that we are not on speaking terms. Not having to wait for a text is better than to receive crumbs. And I am really just looking out for myself, which I hadn’t done in a while. I am worthy of more than crumbs and I need to be fine.
I haven’t had an episode of anxiety since we broke up. Three months before the break up I was even having thoughts about disappearing from the face of the Earth and how everything would be easier. I can’t believe I am calmer now, which directs me to think that most of my anxiety was due to this relationship.Yeah, I’ve been there, felt really depressed and had suicidal thoughts and thought things were wrong with me, then realized that was from being in a bad relationship with a guy who was totally wrong for me even if he’s arguably not a bad person.
My internet’s in and out so sorry if I post this more than once –
Wow, lying about prepaying is low! Now you know for sure he hasn’t be “accidentally” running into you. If he really cared about you he would respect your wishes to leave you alone.Stay strong! You got this. Good luck with the no contact. It really will help so much in the long run even if you feel like it’s the opposite of what you want right now.
Yeah, he added a lot to my life at the beginning but lately I started feeling like I wasn’t enough. No matter what I did. He wasn’t abusive or anything but I felt like I couldn’t do anything to “convince” him to live with me or marry me or see me in his future. Even if I outdid myself (like with the trip, paying for everything, trying to make him happy, choosing activities that he was going to like) there was still something I was doing wrong. I was good to him and I wanted to be a priority and I wasn’t. Somedays I felt like I just wanted to disappear.
@Ale maybe you function differently than I do, but I don’t find it helpful to have friends let me in on what my exes are doing. I have a friend who still looks up my ex on social media (i have him blocked) and let me know that he got engaged/married/sold his house etc. and I had to tell her – I really don’t need or want to know this stuff. It’s not helpful to me in any way.
So maybe it would help if your friends aren’t reporting back to you about him and him seeming sad? Maybe I’m reading too much into that, but I personally never found that kind of stuff helpful in moving on.
I’m really glad your anxiety is lower now. I felt the same way after a couple break ups. (I constantly felt like I was “auditioning” to be a wife for two of them – never good enough to be cast as one)
I don’t know, when they told me yesterday that he was notoriously sad I felt better. I don’t know why. I felt like in Friends, when Monica finds out that Richard is hurting and she can finally sleep well. Another friend from work who knows about our break up told me that he ran into him yesterday and asked him about me and that he said “we’re doing great”.
But it’s a good call, the no contact rule should apply to everything. I was thinking about this yesterday, that maybe it would help to stop talking about him to my friends and stop listening to what they have to say about him. I think you’re right @veritek.
