DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Trust me Ale, it’s easy for me to say – but I know how easy it is to obsess over “is he miserable without me?” Because duh, we want him to be miserable without you. If it makes you feel better to know that stuff, then by all means, I just found that for me personally, in the long run, it wasn’t beneficial.
Friends will tell you what they think it will make you feel better to hear. Sometimes it does, whether or not they’re right. Sometimes it’s like, oh, holy shit, WHY did you just tell me that? It’s seriously better to tell them you’d rather not hear about him. Trust me.
Agreed about not hearing about him at all. Even if it’s something that makes you feel better, like knowing he’s sad, it’s not really going to help you move on. Like @veritek33, I had a friend who updated me on one of my exes. Some of it made me happy, and some of it made me very sad. I finally asked my friend to stop when I realized I was upset that he and his wife (the woman he cheated on me with) were expecting a baby. We’d broken up over a year prior, and I realized that whether it made me feel better or worse, even the occasional update wasn’t worth it because I was still wasting emotional energy on someone I shouldn’t be thinking about, and didn’t want to be thinking about. I think you’re better off in the long run if as little energy and emotion as possible go into wondering about him.
This is going to be my first weekend officially alone, not in a relationship in three years. I know if I survive this weekend I will be fine.
I hope you all have an amazing weekend.
@Ale, hope you are having a wonderful start to your weekend and are able to have some fun and indulge in a lot of self-care. You totally deserve it.
I have to be honest, folks – some of the issues we’ve seen around DW lately, coupled with the fact that almost everyone I knew who got married around the 25-age mark are now divorced, are making me not even want to get married anymore. I know it’s not like people in happy marriages write in saying how great they are, but holy shit. Is it really that hard?
No, it’s really not that hard. That’s when you know it’s right, IMO. When it’s easy and simple and makes sense. Just be honest and communicate and respect your partner and you can handle pretty much anything.
I mean, yeah, it’s hard if you made a not so great decision about who to marry, or if you’re really young and/or have no relationship skills.
@TheLadyE I feel the same. But I think that it happens with everything. For instance, I’ve heard tons of horror stories about pregnancy and kids, that have made me think that I never want to have kids ever. but it’s different for everyone. Same with dating. I’ve heard so many stories about dating gone wrong, ghosting and just plain weird people, that I didn’t want to go back to be out there and maybe that’s why I resisted my recent break up so much, even if I knew it had to happen. I guess it’s a risk, just like everything.
@theladye, I’m a divorce attorney, and though my career is still young, it hasn’t scared me off marriage yet. Obviously I am only seeing the couples that didn’t work out, but I do see a lot of patterns in why/when people get divorced. Then sometimes your spouse just turns out to be an asshole. There’s even some predictability to that, but other times, you just don’t know until it happens.
I’m not scared off marriage, but I would be terrified to have kids after some of the shit I’ve seen. Good thing I don’t really want them anyway.
And social media plays a big part on this too. You see all kinds of couples in social media, that look perfect and you wished you had that. When that couple breaks up you feel they looked perfect, what could have gone wrong?
My best friend has a very beautiful family, I’m friends with a lot of them on Facebook. This cousin of hers met a guy, dated six months, got married and had a baby within their first year of marriage. Looked perfect everywhere. Baby is two months old and she just found out he is addicted to cocaine and heroine. Even had drugs while taking care of their baby. Dude has been an addict his whole life and she didn’t know. His family knew, never told her. She missed all the red flags. But they looked so perfect on Facebook. It makes me think what if I run into this? What if I marry a psycho?!
