DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@Aya So a lot of people in my area use Tinder for dating (not just hook-ups, though I suppose that’s fair game, too). I like when men mention that they have kids in their profiles, because I don’t like kids and can’t imagine myself dating anyone who has ’em. If you’re looking for something casual, the fact that you have a kid is less important, in my opinion, but it’s still a good way to weed people out who would not be okay with it. FWIW I also appreciate when guys are upfront about what they’re looking for in their profiles. Again, just a good way to weed people out and find those who are looking for the same things.
@hfantods What’s wrong with a dad posting pics of his kids on Instagram? I don’t like kids and strongly prefer to not date someone who has them, but if I were to pick a man WITH kids, I think I’d find a proud dad endearing.@Copa I haven’t been on Tinder at all, so I don’t even know what people put in their profiles. I guess I don’t know how to mention my daughter without it seeming like a bigger deal then it is. I guess I have an assumption that if I mention I’m a single mom, men are going to think I’m looking for a replacement dad. How do men mention it in their profiles?
Random aside, how do you get the @ thing to work?
For me it’s an internet safety thing. But like I said, I can’t judge anybody’s parenting choice seeing as I’m not a parent. It’s very possible that his daughters consent to him posting pictures of them.
@aya Tinder profiles I see are short, most will list out a few hobbies/interests and maybe a sentence about work. Some people try too hard to be funny. When I’ve seen mentions of kids, it’s usually something along the lines of “Divorced, one kid” or just “Dad.” It never seems like a big deal to me, and I’ve never wondered if the man is looking for a parent figure. You could literally write, “Mom. Not looking for anything serious.”
@hfantods I’d sooner question the decision to link an Instagram to an online dating app than I would the decision to post kid pics online. I can usually find my dates before we’ve met, so I would never link my Instagram. I also choose not to show my work info and wish Tinder would allow the option to share general industries vs. specific work info.
I think I might be in need of an online dating break. I’ve met a few really nice men in the past handful of months, and made it to the 4, 5, 6-date mark and still wind up being ghosted, so I’m feeling kinda down and like I’ll never meet anyone who thinks I’m awesome enough to delete his account. Overnight on the “traditional” site I recently joined, one guy sent me a handful of messages — “Is this a real profile? Are you a robot?” followed by “Sorry, I got excited to see you’re not a robot and had been drinking” followed by “How are you?” and other small talk — and another guy sent me the exact same cut/paste message for the third time. My birthday is coming up, which just feels like a reminder that I’ve now been online dating on/off for like two years, and I’m just tired of this scene. I have a few vacations coming up over the next month or two so it might be a good time to unplug for a bit.
@Copa I know EXACTLY how you feel and I still feel that way a bit. Ok so, maybe I finally found somebody who thinks I’m great enough to delete his profile. But I don’t really think anybody will ever think I’m great enough to marry.
“@Copa I haven’t been on Tinder at all, so I don’t even know what people put in their profiles. I guess I don’t know how to mention my daughter without it seeming like a bigger deal then it is. I guess I have an assumption that if I mention I’m a single mom, men are going to think I’m looking for a replacement dad. How do men mention it in their profiles?”
I think that there are enough people out there with kids that people won’t jump to that conclusion. I’d find a way to mention it so that you screen out people for whom your having kids is an issue.
Tinder is very popular in my area. I notice what a lot of people do is include a photo or more) of themselves with their child but I can see how this would make you uncomfortable, too.
I went on a second date with a local math professor on Saturday. He’s tall and nerdy, sorta my type. Since I recently left a live-in, dysfunctional relationship, I’m not looking to rush into anything and just taking it slow, but do enjoy this man’s company so far. We’ll see. I’m also visiting PDX (where I used to live) in less than 2 weeks and am very excited, in part b/c I’ll be reconnecting with a longtime friend/sometimes lover while I’m there. Everyone on this board seems to take such exciting trips, I’m glad I finally have one of my own to share.
@Copa, I totally get where you’re coming from. And don’t feel bad at all – I’ve been online dating since 2010. 7 years of this ish.
I, too, take periodic breaks. I’m currently on one now! I’ve started talking to a couple guys on OKCupid again but I haven’t actually met anyone new in 2+ months. It’s been nice, actually.
I don’t mean this to sound like a slight at all, but the idea of dating like this for five more years sounds exhausting and makes me sad. I’m talking to one guy from Tinder right now but am otherwise taking a break. We’re texting more than I normally would because we’re having a hard time coordinating a time to meet, but I don’t hate texting him so at least there’s that. He seems nice, but many of them do.
So, I don’t think that I’ve ever mentioned this on this thread, but I know I recently had this conversation with a friend who had the same experience with dating websites (not apps). Literally every time I would send a first message, it’d go unanswered. And they were thoughtful messages where I’d comment on things we had in common or the parts of their profiles that piqued my curiosity, and no, I wasn’t just contacting the studs of the online dating world. My friend said she had this problem, too, and it drove her so batty that she started paying the small fee OKCupid asks for to see if the message was read. (Has anyone else had this problem?)
ANYWAY, I think I mentioned on here that after like two years of app-only online dating, I joined a dating website again. I FINALLY got a response to a first message and feel so victorious! He’s on the older end of the sorta-arbitrary age range I’ve set for myself (40), but we seem to have a lot in common — same alma mater, too, which I find thrilling because even though I no longer live in that state, I meet a lot of people from that state where I am now, and many of them get weird about my school (e.g., the ex who admitted he told a lot of lies because my education, among other things, intimidated him. Ermmm okay glad your now-wife is stupid?).
