DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@Copa that’s exciting!! I feel like for better or for worse, even online dating tends to sway the way of men doing the initial reach out and some men thinking it seems desperate or unattractive if you hit on them. I’ve never for the life of me understood why, but patriarchy? I think of myself as a pretty solid catch and I was flooded with messages, but if I reached out first I rarely heard back. I figured they’d already seen my profile and hadn’t already messaged me first since they weren’t into it our don’t like “forward” women. Either way, happy to filter those guys out!
I’ll be honest, I only did the Tinder rodeo for 5 months so I’m not burned out on it, and I feel better that if I somehow ended up single again at least there are options that aren’t bars. And my current bf is such a goddamn catch people are always super surprised we met on Tinder (“why would either of you need to be on Tinder?” “Because I’m lazy and he was new in town?”)
Keep on keeping on. It only has to work out one time, and thank god we no longer are stuck with the dating pool of the tiny town you grew up in and your neighbors son who you went to k-12 with. I feel like it can take longer now to meet the right person, but when you do they are legitimately the right person and not just the person you ran into at your local bar the most.
On the websites, I haven’t done a ton of the initial outreach myself. It’s been a long while since I’ve been on an actual website, and I forgot how sad the options on there make me. (I thought the websites had better options in the burbs, which is where I lived the first time I tried online dating years ago. I had an LTR with literally the first guy I met online, and thought the process was so easy breezy from that experience. I was so wrong.) I receive quite a few messages, but don’t find nearly as many men I’m interested in reaching out to. But of that fairly limited outreach I’ve done, just this one response.
I guess I can only speak about the city we live in, @kmtthat, but I think if anyone is surprised by the quality of people on Tinder here, it’s because they’ve never tried it. I’ve met a bunch of kind, smart, funny, attractive working professionals on Tinder here, and one even stuck around for 6 months last year (he’s my big dating “accomplishment” of the past two years, haha), I just haven’t met a long-term match.
I’d forgotten, when I decided a few weeks ago to give the websites another try, that I feel like the quality of men is lower. It may just be that there are more people on the apps period, and when I filter the settings to only show me men within a few miles of me, I get mostly men who are a lot like me (i.e., educated working professional who like brunch and travel and other basic things). I don’t see as many educated professionals on the websites, and there’s a sorta desperate vibe some men give off that I just don’t find on the apps. (Like sometimes if I don’t respond to a message, a few days later I’ll get a follow-up message practically begging for a response. It makes me sad.) The men I see on the websites who I’d be more interested in meeting are mostly out in the suburbs, which I have no convenient way to get to. I’ve also noticed this time around that what I’ll refer to as “app culture” is on the websites now, which I don’t think it used to be. A lot of people will treat the messages like texts instead of sending something longer and more thoughtful.
TL/DR I prefer the apps. I think there are quality men on there. The burnout comes from the endless options and feeling stuck in an endless loop of four-dates-and-out. Because I feel like once you get to the, I dunno, 3-4 date mark, I’m signaling that yes, I’m interested in getting to know you more, so it’s harder for me not to be disappointed when those dudes still fall off the face of the planet.
“if anyone is surprised by the quality of people on Tinder here, it’s because they’ve never tried it. I’ve met a bunch of kind, smart, funny, attractive working professionals on Tinder her” Yeah this is pretty much it! It’s people who are married/been shacked up since before Tinder hit and they assume it’s still just a hookup app, where in our city it’s pretty normalized. I did Match like 5 years ago when I first moved her and liked it a lot then, but when I tried it again this summer it was really sad. Not sure why, but that’s just our dating market…better on the apps and sort of desperate on the traditional websites.
We really do need to get a meet up group going again! I’m going to post one in the Meetup thread.
Heh. Match is what I signed up for a few weeks ago because it’s the only site I’ve ever found a true LTR. I was very briefly on OKCupid here a LONG time ago, and was not a fan. At all. It was like all the city’s riffraff and crazies tossed together with the Match Sad Lonely Guys crowd.
One of my friends who lives in the Seattle area lives near the airport and HATES Tinder because she was so tired of right-swiping on visitors looking for a hookup. I’m going to visit her next week and I’m excited to swipe there. I LOVE using Tinder on vacations, not because I am looking to hook up with anyone while I travel, just because I like seeing what the online dating scene is like in other cities. Is this weird? Haha. In the West Palm Beach area I got messages from men in their 20s and 30s who were sad when they realized I was just visiting — there’s a shortage of younger folks there, and I guess it’s slim pickings.
So maybe I’m burned out, but I’m glad there are at least nice, normal, age-appropriate dudes who are actually looking to date to swipe through here.
We should do a TACO CRAWL Meetup! 😉
Hey Guys!!!! How is everybody? I’m on my way back to Canada, stuck in an airport (my connecting flight was cancelled). France and Italy were amazing! Festival de Cannes was amazing!
I ended up going with the black lace dress (thanks Kate) and I tried to go for a pin-up style makeup/hair combo (thanks Cleopatra Jones).
Shameless selfie from before the premiere: http://bit.ly/2qzl81u
Ok, time to catch up on this thread! 🙂
Um, Miss Dre, you have perfect skin and I’m sitting here mildly horrified that you thought your under eyes looked bad in another thread — because they don’t at all! I also have the same dress in blue!
Hahaha thanks! I used a good concealer to cover up the wrinkles. You got the dress from Modcloth??
Yes! I only wore it once to a wedding a few years ago, then lost enough weight that it was too big to wear. I haven’t tried it on recently — I have ZERO weddings coming up this summer for the first time in years — but it may fit again since I’ve gained some weight. It’s a cute dress!
