DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Also, I normally don’t have conversations with guys long enough to feel any emotions about meeting up with them, but I’m actually pretty excited to meet up with the Match guy. I feel like we have a fair amount in common, and he seems to appreciate my humor even over e-mail… will keep you all updated when my high hopes come crashing down. 😉
This may have already been discussed (400 pages on this thread is a lot to catch up on!) but what would you guys say is your typical path from talking to someone online til the first date? I typically talk through the app for a week or two, give my number and text for another week or so then meet up if it all is going well. I actually like to work in a skype call during the texting phase, if possible. I don’t like doing phone calls though, for some reason. I also usually ask if they have instagram or something (mainly just to kind of verify who they are).
I don’t know, I’m old, I met my husband 5 years ago on Match (I used OKCupid too), and I would just do a few brief emails and meet for a drink. I only gave them my number the day of the date so we could text in case anything went screwy. I don’t think a lot of chat and texts are a good idea prior to meeting. Better to just meet quick and find out if there’s attraction and connection. Keep it moving.
It varies for me. I’ve been out with people after just a few texts on Tinder. One of the best first dates I’ve been on was with a guy I knew next to nothing about. Usually, though, I’d say if the texting on Tinder goes well for a couple days, we’ll exchange phone numbers and set up a day/time to meet with not a ton of texting in between.
I’ve also been on sites like Match where you send e-mails that are longer-form than what you’d send on the apps. In my experience, these sites move more slowly. I met a serious boyfriend on Match several years ago — my first foray into online dating and the first person I’d ever met from online — and I think we sent 2-3 e-mails each before we exchanged numbers to coordinate/meet up. Between first contact and meeting up, it was maybe 2.5 weeks? (He’s the only guy I’ve non-stop texted until our first meeting. Even though things worked out for us for awhile, I don’t recommend this.)
I’ve also had situations like the one I’m in right now with two dudes, where scheduling is difficult (lots of personal and work trips/conferences/mtgs) and it’ll take longer. I don’t like dragging it out but sometimes two busy schedules are hard to work out.
I’ve never Skyped or spoken by phone with anyone before meeting them. I don’t think it’s necessary, but one of my friends who met her long-term boyfriend on Match had a phone call with I think everyone she met before her boyfriend.
I can normally find guys online before we meet to verify who they are just given a few pieces of information (e.g., school + field + first name can actually go a long way on LinkedIn!). I don’t do a huge amount of Internet stalking beforehand, though. If they seem to be who they are holding themselves as, I’d rather just meet them in person since the first few meetings are always in public. Other than the one guy who had clearly only used his most attractive pics online and didn’t look the same in person, I’ve never met anyone who was pretending to be someone they aren’t or who was shady.
So I’ve used a number of apps- Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel… My experience with Bumble was that I would get matches pretty easily, but almost nobody would actually respond to any of my messages. I might get a “hello” or some sort of short reply, but then nothing. I did go on one date with one guy from it (it was ok, just no chemistry) and I got a lot of repeat guys popping up. I’ve also heard a lot of the profiles are fake too- some of the guys looked too good to be true frankly (Ivy League doctor plus model looks plus oh look, you do all the hobbies? Hmmm.)
Tinder worked ok, it’s just a lot of swiping (I’m picky). I did meet the guy I’m currently dating on there- we started chatting on Christmas eve and met for coffee 2 days later. In my area it’s mostly a mixed bag but I got a lot of professionals on there, but also a lot of guys stating they’re just looking for friends.
Hinge I used a few years back, but they re-vamped it and it’s more recent version is a total waste of time IMO.
Coffee Meets Bagel worked well for me, I got a lot of matches and actual conversations and dates. Guys were who they said they were and such.
Personally I like to meet fairly quickly if I’m interested. I’m not looking for a penpal and a coffee date can take an hour tops if it’s not going well.I have also tried Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel, but there just weren’t enough guys on there in my area so I got zero matches.
Me personally, I need to text with someone for a bit before I meet them. I don’t mean all day everyday, but a few text conversations first to see if we vibe and weed out the weirdos.
I think I have similar online dating apps experiences as you @MissDre — mid-sized Canadian city, right? I do find the guys on Bumble generally higher quality. Tinder used to be good and there are some gems, but I’m filtering a lot more now. I’ve only chatted to guys on CMB and Hinge; it never went anywhere.
I kind of like that only women message first on Bumble because it takes down that stigma of women messaging first. I know that’s decreasing and you wouldn’t want a guy who cares if a woman messages first, though.
The only discouraging, but kind of good thing, about Bumble is you can tell how many people have swiped right on you. If you pay, you can see who they are, but you can see a pixelated picture for free and kind of tell who has already swiped right. In a smaller city it’s discouraging because I can see not many guys have liked me, but once I go to the major city, that number goes up to 50+. Not that it really matters.
What’s the general difference between Match and eHarmony? I’ve never paid for an online dating site and I am considering it more (maybe later in the summer; I am wicked busy this month). That said I think I would re-activate OKC first to get used to non-app dating again.
ETA: Has anybody used Tastebuds.fm? I signed up, like, seven years ago. You match based on music taste. I’ve never met anybody off it, not that many people use it haha, but man, music snob in me loves seeing what people listen to and if there’s a high match I’m like ooooh.
I tried Match for like a month. It was horrible. Almost no guys on there, and you can’t tell who has paid and who hasn’t – so you might message a guy and he can’t even read it because he’s only there for a free trial.
I don’t really text or talk on the phone with anyone before I meet up with them. In my regular life, I use texting as casual chatting or catching up with good friends, so it feels weird to do with someone I don’t know. I think last time I was on a site, we didn’t even exchange numbers because I feel like most people have email or apps on their phone, so if they message to say they were late, I’d still see it.
I have two first dates this week: one tomorrow after work, one on Tuesday after work. I’m more excited for Tuesday’s date, but my introverted side is just dreading all this after-work socializing. Haha.
I haven’t been on a date since…March?…and I’m really enjoying the break. The last date I went on was just awful; I spent 3 hours drinking while he spent 3 hours talking about himself with random interjections on making future plans with me that I really wasn’t interested in. So, yeah. The break is going really well.
I have a lot of guy friends that I hang out with – 4 in particular – pretty much weekly-every 2 weeks, and since it’s rare that I’m intimate with men in the first stages of dating anyway it’s not really that much different from dating except I’m not wondering where things are going. It’s nice. I have one friend I go to church with and usually see at least once every week or two outside of that, a friend I go to standup comedy shows with, a friend I check out live music and new restaurants/bars with, and a longtime friend I see at least once a month. Plenty of male attention for me right now. Dating had started to feel so incredibly dull and repetitive. Even now, I’m back on OKCupid and looking at all the profiles feels like looking at produce in the grocery store…actually, the produce is more exciting, because I know I’m going to be creating a recipe with it. Lol.
In the next few months I have several activities planned with my guy friends like seeing Tom Segura in concert, going across the state to a city I’ve never been to before, and seeing lots of live music and other comedians. I’m excited!
Good luck/have fun on your dates, @copa!
Man, my Facebook feed has officially been overrun with 2017 weddings. It’s not even the weddings that get to me, it’s all the couple photos at the weddings. But it’s too beautiful outside to be bitter, ha ha.
