DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Yeah, I think the thing here is that they hadn’t even met yet… I would’ve stopped talking to him the moment I found out he was taking field trips to places he thinks I might be. (Sounds like he forgot @Ale was no longer at her gym…?) It may have been harmless, especially if he’s already into CrossFit an on the hunt for a new place to work out, but I’d be on high alert after that. I haven’t friended or been friended by anyone I’ve dated since my last serious boyfriend, which was like three years ago. With how online dating works these days, I don’t see the point in adding someone to Facebook if they’re just going to disappear on me in two months.
@veritek33 I applied for a fourth dog a couple hours ago from yet another shelter, so we’ll see if it’s lucky number four! I may start sending e-mails to shelters that are a bit of a drive away since I really have no problem making that kind of drive if it means getting the dog of my choosing. (The original shelter basically told me I need to pick less-wanted dogs. Great, yes! Encourage people to take dogs they’re not excited about — that’ll lower the owner surrender rate!)Sure, it may be extreme, but it’s about privacy and security. Not to mention “strategery.”
If you’ve been on there since 2007, there’s an entire decade of every detail of your life spread out for a guy to see. That’s a big deal. He’s going to look through it and form opinions and know all your business, and I don’t think it’s smart to share that much until you know him and he knows you. Maybe that only takes a few weeks, but I’m not doing it until I feel good enough about the guy to have decided to date him.
@lucia_la I would refuse to friend guys, or accept their requests, unless we had been chatting a few months. I didn’t want to snoop on them, and them snoop on me.
My current boyfriend wanted to add quick and I let him but I stayed off his profile until after we met in person 2 weeks later. It was a LDR. He did snoop my profile, and he admitted it. No harm no foul just not exactly how I preferred.
I don’t add anyone to facebook until I’ve actually met them. But I know other people who aren’t as stringent. You do you, just be safe!
I didn’t add the fiance until, IDK, six months in or something. Maybe more?I can’t even remember. Neither of us were hiding anything. But I wanted to get to know him, not his curated, on-line persona. Neither of us thought it weird. Although I think our friends did? We may even joked about it a few times. To each their own though.
I connected on FB with my husband two months in. He thought it was a little weird because he’s a big user of social media for work/marketing, but he was fine with it.
I agreed to his friendship request because I wanted to see what he looked like and because I am actually very private in Facebook. I think I have about 30 photos total. Two of them were with my ex and were from last year. I never post anything there. I never add anyone that I have never met but I did it with this guy. Anyways, looking back I see a lot of red flags now (constantly asking about my ex was one).
@ktfran I was actually pretty meh about the date and the guy. I was only hoping for a good meal and a good conversation. I think I saved myself from a very awkward meal.But, you know, on the other hand, don’t start thinking all guys are weird. That guy is a fluke.
I really think dating, and finding a job, are systems, and you have to figure out the system and do the systematic shit, and you’ll find a good fit. Part of that is going on a bunch of first dates with duds and just being like, next.
i still haven’t friended my husband on facebook. but again he doesn’t really use it. so there’s that
Ugh, @Ale, that sounds super creepy what that guy did. I don’t add guys from online dating to Facebook when it’s early on. I still have this friend request from 2013* kicking around from a guy I went on two dates with. He added me after the first date and I kind of ignored it and we didn’t bring it up on the second date. I think he was perfectly normal and we had a mutual friend but I just didn’t feel like adding him.
Then again I did add a guy from Bumble who asked to add me so he could see how I really looked and I am so embarrassed, still, that I did add him (and we didn’t go out afterwards). I promptly unfriended him right after. I think I wrote about that here actually. So, lesson learned and bullet dodged, @Ale.
Fingers crossed on the dog, @copa!
* I’ve been online dating on and off for four years (there was a lot off though). I’ve never had a period of time when I was “seriously” online dating, like going out on multiple dates for weeks. It’s not entirely my choice — I don’t get lots of serious messages or matches either. I think my pictures and my actual personality do not come across as “sexy”, more cute, not sure if I should work on that.
I started OKCupid again after a six month break and I was optimistic, but a lot of the guys are the same. Been messaging a couple guys but I’m not really feeling it. Then I started an account on Match and the interface is just awful. I do not feel like paying for it at all. My coworkers really encourage the paid online sites — two of them found their spouses on there — and maybe they have a point being in a regional city.
