DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@Ale, I also agree – patience! I know it is so difficult during it – trust me! – but I am another success story (though I can hardly believe it). I’ve been dating online since 2010, haven’t had a relationship since 2014 and haven’t been in a *good* relationship since 2012. In the last 2 years I went on 21 first dates. #22 was the charm, and as much as I freaking hate this phrase, it truly was when I was absolutely least expecting it.
Sometimes when I go to therapy, I talk about how much I hate dating and how sad it makes me. I told her that my MO has been to go on a few dates (sometimes they’re just first dates, sometimes multiple dates with one person), then I get frustrated and take a break for anywhere from one month to several. I recently told her I’ve probably met about 10 people in the last year, and she told me pretty bluntly it’s not that many. Ha. She’s a few years older than I am (34, from the math I did) and she recently got married to a guy she met on OKCupid. She told me she was online dating regularly (few breaks) for four years, dealt with a lot of ghosting and liking guys more than they liked her, before she met that one great guy. So, yeah, even though I’m definitely not a success story, I do agree it takes patience and is somewhat of a numbers game.
ETA: Knowing that it takes other people quite a few first dates to meet someone that they genuinely connect with and have mutual interest in dating makes me feel better, like I’m not the only person out there who just can’t make it work.
My new favorite joke is that I’ve been on enough first dates and job interviews that I’m an expert on both now. Though, I wish I weren’t lol.
Definitely not alone out there Copa. Ale, continuing to send you good thoughts.
I feel like years ago when I first started reading this site, there was a regular commenter who no longer posts who said her brother went on literally over 100 first online dates before meeting the woman he married.
Thanks everyone for the good thoughts.
So, on wednesday I was bitching here about ending up alone but doing nothing about it. So, I decided to take action, downloaded Tinder again and matched with ten dudes in half an hour. Decided to pull a “Copa” and messaged all of them just to see what I got.
All of them responded but I only followed up on one, who seemed like the most interesting one. Very interesting dude, german living here and we moved the conversation to text.
We texted yesterday, he is funny and smart. I decided that I wanted to meet him without texting too much, like many people here have recommended. So I asked him out this weekend. He said he already had a trip planned. And stopped answering. So, maybe too forward?
Anyways, I know that this takes patience and time. I have felt that way many times, but most of the time I feel happy and fine. One of my longtime friends is coming back after spending 5 years in France getting her PhD, and she is single too, so I can’t wait for her to come back. She is the funniest and most adventurous person I know and when she was here we planned trips almost every weekend and we had a lot of fun. That’s what I need right now.
A 100% response rate is really good! Haha. I don’t think you were being too forward at all. If you’re interested, maybe try again when he’s scheduled to be back from vacation? I dunno. I’ve been in and out of town on various trips since the end of May and I’ve been super flakey with online dating prospects because of it. I did have a guy send me a first message maybe two nights ago and it said, “Can I ask you out or do you need to warm up to me first?” I’ve gone out with guys without knowing much about them, buttt this approach was super off-putting.
And yeah, it sounds like you’re going to have a lot of fun with your single friend when she’s back in town. I have had a super close single girl friend in about a year and have started going to MeetUps hoping to meet new people whose lives are more aligned with my own right now. Love my coupled up friends, but now that I’m no longer at a crazy busy job, find myself craving more girls nights out and whatnot.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting to a place where you are comfortable being single. I think it is needed and I strongly recommend it. Reconnecting with yourself, friends and family can be a lot of fun if you lean into it. I think after a relationship ends it is natural to feel like you need to get back to the dating scene as soon as possible to remove the uncomfortable feeling of being single or feeling alone. I had a bad breakup about 8 years ago, and I was gutted – beyond devastated. It was a 5 yr relationship and I literally was so lost afterwards and immediately tried to date to replace one feeling with another. It didn’t work so I stopped for a few years. When I did the math I realized that I had been in a relationship for 15 years, not with the same guy, but back to back with maybe only a few months in between dating again. It’s all I knew and when I got my own apartment where I was not living with a roommate or a bf it was hard, so hard. But I eventually learned to love it and I loved being single and living on my own. I loved being in a relationship too, but this was time for me and I knew it was something I needed. When I began dating again, it felt awkward, but I eventually met my bf on Match and we’ve been together 5 years. The wait was worth it. 🙂
@Ale, it’s totally understandable that you were feeling a little down on Wednesday! I truly enjoyed being single, but I always had a hard time around holiday’s, particularly Memorial Day, 4th of July and Labor Day because of the extra day off work and it’s usually good weather. I had to make sure I filled at least one of those days with friends. Heck, even now that I’m with someone, I get a little antsy if we or I don’t have something planned with other friends and/or family.
And good for you an the 100% return rate. That’s awesome!
Good luck @Ale – just try not to get too emotionally invested (easier said than done, I know).
Last night I had the “moving” conversation with my bf :-O
Or at least… the subject was broached. Wasn’t even planning on bringing it up til we’d been together at least a year but he’s the one who brought it up.
