I did a bunch of research on this tonight, and it’s hard than I thought, which is discouraging.

With the way things are right now, I cannot move to the UK and work.

The only option would be to apply for a visa as his “dependent” since he’s not settled, he’s only there on a work visa. As his dependent, he’d be responsible for me and I wouldn’t be able to work at all.

If he decided to apply for residency, I could apply for a spouse visa. If we were engaged, I could go there for 6 months (but not work) and then apply to extend my stay and get a work visa once we’re married. But this wouldn’t happen until he’s a permanent resident, which he can’t apply for until he’s lived there 5 years.

I guess our only option right now would be for me to generate a liveable income from the online business I’m starting, and just go there as a visitor for 6 months at a time.

But that was England, I don’t know how it is in Scotland. And he was English.

Scotland and England are both part of the UK so visa rules apply to both. The UK encompasses all of England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland.

Perhaps because of your friend’s citizenship, she couldn’t just apply for a spouse visa even though they were married. The rules are different, depending on where you are applying from.

But yeah, spouse visa won’t even work for me since my boyfriend isn’t a permanent resident 🙁

@TheHizzy, I’m sorry to hear about your back surgery. Hope you continue to have a smooth recovery.

@Copa, aw, C.T. sounds nice! Have you decided about seeing A.T. Saturday yet? Is there any part of you that you want A.T. as “back up” in case C.T. doesn’t work? I don’t think it’s leading A.T. on per se, since you’ve both been traveling, but it does sound like you’d rather pursue things with C.T. only.

@MissDre, I love that you are happy! And ooh, over the knee boots, I’ve only JUST started eyeing them. There are some classy ones out there, haha. Then again I’m just under 5’1″ so it might be too much boot for my height.

I don’t talk much about work here, but it’s been stupidly busy lately and I’m legitimately stressed out and overwhelmed. I am just trying to get through this week but there’s just so much to catch up on because of this week.

I’m still seeing M.G. (he works in the mining industry, hence Mining Guy, but it’s such a weird nickname!). It’ll be 8 weeks Saturday. We’ve been seeing each other about once a week too, but we met up yesterday for a walk by the lake which was really nice. So I think we are at date 13, but I did stop counting at date 10, LOL. We text every day, basically a few paragraph-long exchanges each day. My friends/friends of friends and I have been planning a fall cottage weekend for a couple months. I decided to invite him, partly because I didn’t want to go another weekend without seeing him, and he was happy to accept. This was the furthest in advance I/we have planned anything (a week and a half!).

Since this is my longest lasting “relationship” ever, and ever since that verbal vomit of date 4, I’m hesitant to starting a DTR or exclusivity talk. I’m still figuring out what exactly is a “relationship”. I still want to continue dating him, but I don’t know if *I* am ready to put labels on things. I’m not seeing anyone else. I sometimes swipe, but less often nowadays, and nobody catches my eye — so that is kind of indeterminable.

I sometimes wonder if I think I like him because he says he likes me and is kind, goofy and intelligent — but don’t all these things factor somewhere? I think his “love language” is physical touch, and it’s different for me, but nice. This is a little TMI but even though we haven’t had sex, he’s a “generous lover” and it’s fun. So it’s a mix of hormones and lust and it’s a little confusing. I have these feelings of doubt, but then when I see him I’m all nervous (in a good way) and happy to see him. And I wonder if he likes me because I suspect I’m the first woman he’s met after moving from a remote region of Canada.

I think I know what you guys are going to say. I think deep, deep down I kind of know. But I also really just want to continue seeing him and get to know him, have fun, experience more things, and see where it ends up, until one of us knows for sure we don’t want to see each other anymore or if we really aren’t on the same level.

@veritek33 Glad things are looking up work-wise! I would love to have a wine budget. And glad things are going well with you and that guy!

@hfantods I wouldn’t really use the term back-up, but yes, I’m hesitant to end things with A.T. because I’d like to keep seeing him — and if C.T. told me tomorrow he didn’t want to see me anymore, I’d be sad I’d already told A.T. I didn’t want to see him anymore. I’m not sure if this makes me a terrible person, but since I’m not exclusive with either, I’m trying not to over-think it. I have a great time with him, too, and tbh find him more attractive (physically), but with us living farther apart and our work schedules lately it’s just been hard to feel connected in any way. (The reason I opened up my dating pool again was because I was getting such bad anxiety about the distance and timing and traveling, and omg was I about to be ghosted and was he going to disappear, and didn’t want to feel that way over someone I wasn’t exclusive with. Looks like I opened the door to a whole new kind of anxiety. I have therapy on Monday, so YAY!)

SO SPEAKING OF ANXIETY. It’s like I hopped back on the crazy train and can’t get off! The more things feel relationship-y/intimate between me and C.T., the more I worry. (Even though literally two pages back I wrote that I didn’t think this happened to me, haha.) Even though I feel like we’re getting closer (he spent the night Wednesday and we have tentative plans to get together tonight after my work event if the timing works out), I’ve noticed he texts me way less. I actually prefer fewer texts and I found his text style overwhelming initially. But the change makes me pause and wonder if he’s losing interest.

@Copa it’s also just as likely that he’s just getting comfortable with you. That super duper excited high doesn’t last, it gets replaced with a happy comfortable feeling, so he likely just doesn’t feel the need to text constantly.

It was like that with my boyfriend and I too. For the first 3 weeks we COULD NOT STOP TEXTING. Like, both of us glued to our phones for 12-16 hours a day, not getting anything. So I worried / felt weird when things slowed down a little.

And then eventually we just got into a rhythm that felt more normal.

All that to say… try not to worry too much 🙂