DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Thanks ladies. It’s so good to get this perspective from you even though yes, nobody else knows how I feel. I’m definitely an overthinker and of course this doubt makes more doubt when it might just be normal. It does come from somewhere though. But I also think as women we get conditioned not to lead men on so it adds this pressure to figure out things quickly.
You’re not ready to break it off – you said it. So don’t, yet. I’m not sure that you’ll be happy long term with this guy, but don’t break it off now if you don’t want to.
After 2.5 months, you’re not leading anyone on. This is still the getting to know you phase. It’s still the time where you’re both evaluating how you feel. And yeah, this dude is telling you that you make him really happy…but we’ve all been with guys who say that one day and then change their tune the next. Try to shrug off the pressure. Just take it one date at a time.
@hfantods I think that you shouldn’t end things with him yet since you’re not sure yet. I think usually people err on the side of caution when breaking up with people, often waiting a little too long to do it so they can be sure — when you’re dating long-term, it kinda sucks, but 2.5 months in you’re still getting to know each other and not leading him on. That said, as someone who is an anxious person myself, the knee-jerk reactions to break it off are, I think, your gut telling you something. Physical attraction can grow, but after several months of dating, I’d move on if it wasn’t there (or not there *enough*). It’s not shallow to want to feel attracted to your partner (because attraction is separate from looks). Just my two cents.
You guys I’m having such a good day. Therapy was great. I got cleared for more to do! Thursday is my 6 week follow up. Thank goodness!!!!! My PT told me I might get cleared for “getting back into my routine” so I might be feeling more normal before Christmas (which is what I expected). Now….time for me to keep my excitement in check and not over do it 🙂
Update: my sister and the Indian-American guy are now officially dating.
Guess we’ll see how we go!
Eh, some lessons that seem obvious now weren’t as obvious when I was in my mid-20s. Like when I learned the hard way not to date someone who was divorcING and hadn’t spent enough time being single. Never again! In any case, @TheLadyE, this is probably going to be a lesson your sister has to learn the hard way.
Ha, I learned the same thing, Copa (about not dating someone who wasn’t yet divorced, recently separated). 3 months in he told me he was still in love with his ex, and a couple of days later he said he wasn’t really and he still wanted to be with me. I should’ve ended things then, but we dated for 1.5 years.
Yeah, unfortunately I think it will be something she learns the hard way. Either that, or they will end up ~*together forever*~ but with a lot of hardship on his family’s side. She’s already talked about arguments/things that annoy her about him right now, 3 weeks in, so I don’t see how that will ever get better particularly with the whole family thing looming, BUT sometimes we have to learn the hard way.
When I was her age I was flinging myself at a hard-core conservative guy who wouldn’t even carry around a bottle of wine in the grocery store for fear someone would see him with it. I just thought he was sooo great even though there were multiple things about him I really didn’t like. So…I don’t have room to talk. Ah, the difference between 27 and 34.
I learned some lessons at 22. Dating a guy who told me he was divorced. Then I found out he was still married (someone told me) but he told me he was separated and divorce just hadn’t been official yet. Then I found out he was still living with his wife but he told me he was leaving soon. He never did. And I stayed a couple more months believing everything he said until his wife found out about us. Since then I ALWAYS look people up to see if they’re married, single, divorced, have children, whatever.
I recently found out this guy had another kid with his wife after his affair and then had another kid with another woman, who was an acquaintance of mine. And his wife has stayed married to him the whole time.
