@MissDre I get you totally. We picked the ring together back in AUGUST. And I had to wait until almost December to actually get proposed to. But, I wouldn’t have wanted it any sooner. I was feeling impatient with waiting but in the end it all worked out.

Do you really feel like he might change his mind / this isn’t real (vs. he might need more time)? It does seem like, to be on the moving in August timeline, he needs to take you ring shopping at Christmas, or arrive with a ring. That would demonstrate he’s on the same page with your timeline and acknowledges all the preparation and hoop-jumping and planning that you’ll be doing between now and August. If that doesn’t happen, I guess what you do is focus on starting your business, on the side, *for you,* and if there’s no proposal by the next time you see him, say in February, that he’s not on the same page actually, so you don’t move forward with plans to quit your job, rent or sell your condo, etc. And you would ask him if he needs more time or where he is with things.

Well, yeah, there’s your past experience, and also, that kind of thing does happen. But now you know what the signs are. So if he starts withdrawing or being pissy, you know to have a conversation. If he’s being a great boyfriend then maybe you can tell yourself to relax because it’s just your past trying to eat at you.

@MissDre Does this relationship feel differently than the past one? It’s hard to not let those past experiences guide us down a bad path. I still sometimes compare FMH (Future MrHizzy) to past relationships. And FMH sometimes still doe that with me. But each day that fear goes away. I think once you live together the relationship will change. You’ll feel more secure. Just….enjoy the ride to there.

@TheHizzy it does feel different.

There have been many times where I’ve been scared that he will disappoint me (all my own insecurities because of my ex), but he never has.

Whenever I have brought up something serious, he has never avoided the topic or tried to get out of discussing things.

He has been excited for me to meet his friends, even invited me to that wedding in Italy and thanked me for coming.

He has told his family all about me and shown them my picture, even his mom. He’s always affectionate. He always holds my hand.

He goes out of his way to take care of me… for example taking the bus 1.5 hours from Gatwick airport to Heathrow airport to meet me so we could travel to our hotel together.

He’s the one that has asked me 3 times to move. He sends me postcards when he travels for work. He says out loud that he loves me.

I could write a list as long as my arm. Basically he is the extreme opposite of my ex in every way.

@ktfran I’m just curious, but were you guys able to stay or become friends post-breakup?

Anyway, yes, @MissDre, what everyone else is saying about not letting past insecurities ruin your current relationship. If you’re able to look back on your past relationship and recognize that the writing was on the wall, that there were too many instances of dragging his feet and acting non-committal, I’d say it’s super unlikely you won’t notice them again IF your current boyfriend starts acting that way. And it sounds like so far, so good — he’s being a good boyfriend and showing you in meaningful ways that he cares and is committed. And I think you’d notice a shift and quickly be like, “Dude, we need to talk about this!” You wouldn’t stand for someone stringing you along this time. Like I remember lamenting to an older, wiser co-worker after my second big break-up that I felt like things had fallen apart super quickly, and she was like, “Um, actually, you should feel proud that you recognized a bad situation quickly.” And I think she was right. My first relationship/crappy breakup sucked but it helped me immensely in recognizing what was “off” and when I needed to cut and run without the agony of trying to force a relationship to work.