DW Community Catch-up Thread
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re: beds..I have a king sized bed. My youngest son would climb into bed with me when he had nightmares or a migraine (he’s prone to migraines) and I’d wake up black and blue because he used to kick and flail around like crazy. The bed I slept in last night was a queen, which should have felt weirdly small with another human in it but didn’t.
On the topic of money…the AG and I haven’t discussed it since we’re so new (only a few months into this) but I already know he has a whole lot more than I do. I work in IT and make decent money, enough to solely support myself and the 3 kids comfortably. He was one of 3 founders for a startup that sold to a big tech company. I actually remember the sale because the tech they built is pretty damn cool, and I remember what the startup sold for. I just didn’t know he was part of it till recently when he mentioned the startup name. I don’t know what portion of it was his of course, but…yea. A whole lot more than I’ll ever make.
I don’t have any crazy shopping type debt, just medical related stuff I’m still paying for (both me and my youngest son had to have major surgery within the same month) This may have actually contributed to the minor freakout. I’ve always either made at least equal, if not more money than anyone I was seeing. Happily we seem to have very similar approaches to money, with a few exceptions that probably have to do with disposable income. I’m slightly weirded out by the difference in income though – I like a level playing field, and I don’t ever want him to think that’s what I’m interested in.
I wouldn’t think he would assume that was what you were interested in, especially since he told you about the startup connection and you weren’t aware.
I had a conversation about this last night with a girlfriend. Her husband is getting a new job and while it’s a great opportunity, the “big money” isnt’ for a few years. She has a great job and makes good money and was saying how she’s excited to sorta ‘be the provider’ for a bit. Not that her income before didn’t count or wasn’t significant, it’s just now there is more riding on her success? I could see how that would be empowering.
MofV and I have talked salaries – we literally make the exact same salary except I still have my part time job I work one day a week so I make maybe a couple thousand more than him in the end?
The problem is, he’s doing highly specialized work and not being paid for it because he didn’t finish his degree. So apparently he was inspired to go back and has started his last year of classes to finally graduate with his degree. Then, he has the potential to make twice as much as me.
As for debt we haven’t really gone into specifics but he knows I have some student loans and small debts – I made massive headway and paid off quite a bit in the last two years. And he was with me when I signed the papers for my new car so he knows how big the loan was for that. I’m not positive of his debt but I know he has student loans and I’ve NEVER seen him use a credit card. We’ve talked about moving him up her after the holidays so I imagine we’ll sit down and talk it all out before he does. He’s been very good about saving money, living very cheaply. Either way, I’m sure if I asked him “hey dude how much debt do you have>?” He’d tell me.
@hfantods I think if you haven’t discussed it, it’s not misleading at all! I am quiet about my accomplishments and role at work when I’m getting to know someone, I think — so I think a lot of people assume I earn less than I do. (I’ve had a few guys I’ve been on dates with express surprise that I can afford a one-bedroom apartment in my area, which I find off-putting.) If people can’t accurately gauge my income, that’s fine — I haven’t misled anyone.
@veritek33 You guyssss are moving in!!!?? YAY! Do you feel like a success story yet!? 🙂
This is an interesting topic!
I remember when I was younger and was working a good job but just making ends meet due to stupid-high cost of living where I live. I remember going on dates with various guys, usually in tech tbh, and SO many of them were so… clueless. Like, they didn’t understand why I didn’t go on vacations or go snowboarding all the time, or why I cooked so much/didn’t eat out all the time. I was just getting by and paying my bills and they didn’t even know how much money was in their bank account. (I knew how much I had, down to the change.) It was very off-putting.My boyfriend and I found out each other’s pay but it wasn’t in a serious conversation or anything. He makes twice what I make (almost exactly!) and he thinks it’s crazy because he thinks I work harder at my job than he does at his. Although his job actually could be dangerous (elevator mechanic) vs. my office job. Anyway, he usually pays for dinners when they are more expensive, and I always get breakfast/lunch and dinners here and there. If we do something like a spa day, he pays for both of us and I’ll buy dinner. We went on a 5 day vacation and he paid for the hotel and I paid for the plane tickets and rental car. He also owns his house, a total fixer upper, so he’s also focusing on spending/saving for repairs and such, and he knows I have debt I’m working on paying off, so we’re not doing anything too lavish.
Also, oooh Veritek! 😀
Guys I have dated have told me what they make, unprompted, pretty early on, I don’t know why. Maybe they wanted to know what I made.
Copa I had the same thing when I lived in Oc. People would see my apartment and be amazed! It was nice but it also was brand new so of course a brand new build is going to look nicer. I paid maybe $200 more than what I HAD to as I could have lived in a slightly cheaper area but then I’d have paid easily $100 a month in tolls and more fuel and such so it made plenty of sense to just be closer to work. Plus my sanity of not sitting (parking more like) on the 5 every morning and night. Saved me easily 45 mins in driving time a day. I made pretty good money by anyone’s standards but not amazing for the area since it is such a high cost of living. I also got the amazement over my car. Little did anyone know I got 20k off sticker because I did some magical negotiating. End of the body style, had sat on the lot for a long time, they wanted it gone bad.
As someone who has worked in automotive for a long time, let me tell you, even a new car, find the one that’s been on the lot for a year or more. Nothing is wrong with it but it costs the dealer every single month to hold it, so they will DUMP the price to get rid of it. We have bought a couple cars at insane prices that way. The salesperson isn’t going to make anything so you want to be a quick and kind shopper and make it easy for them but you can get a steal. The very short time i sold cars in college i had some magical ability to sell the ones that had been sitting around. While they didn’t pay amazing they surely upped my numbers which ups your commission percentage, and make management insanely happy.
@JD Yeah, that’s how I feel about my life right now. I think I make good money. I feel comfortable, but I don’t feel wealthy. I’m in a major city, which means COL is higher, and choose to be in a more desirable neighborhood. But if someone seems surprised at what I can afford, that feels insulting. I know you can never *know* how much someone makes, but I think the space they live in is most telling (to me).
Re: beds. I don’t remember how this came up with my therapist, but she mentioned that when her partner is out of town, she sleeps in their guest bedroom because the bed was hers before they moved in together and she strongly prefers it to their bed (his bed pre-move in). I’m not attached to my bed frame, but I LOVE my mattress. I think it’s super comfortable. I’ve gotten so many compliments on how comfy it is. It never even occurred to me that one day I may have to make concessions about whose bed will be our bed, and the thought saddens me. Who knew my bed was so important to me?
We use my husbands mattress as it was newer. It is so hard. My back hurts constantly. I never knew this insane person slept on such a hard mattress, he almost always stayed with me due to location convenience. We are planning on getting a sleep number and i can’t wait. I miss my mattress so much. People always would say how comfy my bed was. My ex made me take him to buy exactly the same mattress and linens as I had he liked it so much.
