How exactly is waiting to have sex using it as a “weapon” though? Withholding sex, even to be manipulative, doesn’t ever actually hurt anyone does it? That is one thing that really irks me, how patriarchy allows the term cock tease (what’s the male equivalent? oh there isn’t one) and women can be accused of using sex as a “weapon” (again how? If men don’t want to wait they don’t have to date you, who is hurt exactly?).

And then you also seem to be a big proponent of holding back emotional intimacy. To make him “work for it.” *Shrugs* Either we have really different values in this respect or I’m not understanding your point.

Actually, I think the male version of a cock tease is called a box tease. I just made that up, but it makes me laugh. Yes, I’m very mature.

Box tease…it could work. I love the term “girl boner.”

Ha! Box tease. Using it!

I thought it was a clam jam? I’m a fan of the word lady bone.

@Shakeourtree, yay, dates! And yay for being in place at least for the time being.

I went on date five with Tinder Finance Guy. It’s kind of weird to still be counting after “seeing” him for a month and a half. So he said he thought he really liked me. I didn’t want to mirror him without knowing so I kind of didn’t say anything. Except later on I said that while I liked spending time with him, I needed to take things slower and think about … it? I was admittedly vague and I didn’t plan what I wanted to say. He said it was fine, I could take my time, and it actually made me really relieved and made me like him more.

We had, what I thought, a nice time, although no kiss. There was a time when I think I could have kissed him but I just… feel like I don’t want to initiate my first kiss? This is besides the point and I understand the general consensus on physical intimacy on this thread. I left the date thinking I wanted to see him again, like I could see dating him.

Tonight he texted me, after I initiated a conversation, “I’m confused about what’s going on between us since you mentioned you wanted to stay as friends [which I didn’t say so in those words], and I would love to do so and keep in touch, but I won’t be able to see you in as much and talk to you as much if we’re friends since I don’t have that much time on the weekends :)”.

Alright I totally see why he’s confused, but all that other stuff and the smiley face– is this it? I have to decide? And the thing is I kind of do like him “more than friends” now with a lot of reflection, but how am I supposed to say that via text without sounding ridiculous? Or just go Brooklyn Nine Nine and say that I’m looking for something “romantic styles”? [I won’t]. Maybe these are his true colours/he is looking for something serious and doesn’t want to waste time.

Sorry again for this epistle.

Well keep in mind, I’m essentially the blind leading the blind but:

1) are you sure you like this guy or do you just like the idea of this guy? Sometimes I’ve kind of forced myself to like a guy because on paper he was great or I was worried no one better would come along. It never ended so well and really wasn’t fair to the guy or me.

2) if after thinking about it, you really do see this guy as more than friends, just be honest. Maybe text back along the lines of “I definitely think of you as more than a friend, but was caught off guard earlier. Can we discuss it more the next time we hang out? ;)”

3) he probabaly hasn’t made a move to kiss you because he’s getting mixed signals. He thinks you’re not that into him, so he probabaly doesn’t want to make a move and be rejected. Especially since you said you wanted to take things slow. I think if you’re honest with him about how you feel, it will happen.

Of course, if you’re really not that sure about him after a month, maybe the chemistry just isn’t right.