DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Yes! Call the cops on this.
Have you changed locks since you broke up with him? Any chance he could have stolen a key from you? I’d ensure everything is locked, get in a routine of checking windows and doors. Do you have a security system? I don’t remember reading about this guy but he sounds like it can escalate quickly based on your entries just here.
Be safe! Start that police paper trail now.
TheHizzy – I don’t think he has a key, I have three copies and all are accounted for. I live in a pretty safe area so I don’t have a security system but I do want a camera now.
I spoke with my attorney friend and former cop friend and they both said there’s not much I can do other than document. He wasn’t threatening when he showed up.
Yeah, just keep documenting everything. The forum any stuff you put there might help establish and history too.
So sorry!!
I’m sorry to hear about that Veritek33. I haven’t followed this thread very closely so I don’t know how crazy you’re talking about. If he has ever physically shown up at places before, I think I’d go Gift of Fear. If he is someone who simply doesn’t have the aptitude to pick up on how strongly uncomfortable he makes you feel, it might be good to write one direct e-mail telling him not to physically or electronically contact you anymore. When a fourteen-year-old girl does something like this, most people chalk it up to immaturity. When a middle aged man is showing up at a person they dated once’s place of resident two years later, of course you feel unnerved and unsafe. At least he saw your boyfriend opened the door. Hopefully that will be the end of it.
OMG yikes! I’d be so unsettled by this! I’ve been watching the Dirty John series on TV and this is something John Meehan would do! I think all you can do for now is document what happened. I’ve never had to get a restraining order, but to my knowledge they can be pretty difficult to get. So document everything. Might be helpful if you have some past messages, too. I personally would get some sort of security system like a camera, but even a fake one might be enough of a deterrent if the guy isn’t truly insane.
In happier news, does this mean MoV is officially a resident? Not a great “welcome” if he is, but overall a good step for the relationship!
How do you cut a person you want out of your life properly? I feel like I have no self control and even though I don’t want him in my life I keep going back cause it’s safe. I need advice.
Veritek, something similar to this happened to me, years ago. This guy I had gone out with one time, after incessant and escalating harassing and me telling him to leave me alone, etc, ended up getting into my apartment building and came to my door one day. He even forced the door open with his foot when I tried to shut it on him. I went to the police after that, and they said that because he hadn’t done or said anything threatening, I couldn’t get a restraining order against him. However I could file a police report, so that all of the evidence and my story was recorded officially and was on file in case anything escalated from there.
Luckily I never heard from the guy again. But I would look into filing a report. It’ll at least get it in the hands of the cops and hopefully you’ll never need to follow up on it. This is super freaky regardless and I hope he never returns!!
@Confused – block the person on all platforms (facebook, insta, snap, mobile number, anywhere that contact is saved) and goal to make it one day without contact. After one day, goal for 2 days. After that goal for a week. Eventually it’ll become second nature to just not communicate.
When you WANT to communicate, reach out to a trusted friend and communicate with them instead. And therapy will help.
Speaking of dates husband and I planned one for Sat including going to a museum that has a Monet exhibit currently. The roads were gross and we were exhausted so we didn’t. Plan to go next weekend, the last. Pretty excited. One of the few interesting things to do around here and I love Monet.
2018 is almost over!
I’m glad to see it go. It was a good, long, tiring year.
2019 will bring a whole bunch of new beginnings. Two of FMH’s kids now live in our town, having moved 1000 miles for better lives. Wedding crazy starts in March and ends in the summer. Can’t wait.
Everyone have a safe New Year! Don’t drink and drive, have a DD for the night! I normally volunteer for that but we’re hosting at home this year!
@veritek33 – even if all of the keys are accounted for, please consider getting the locks changed. It’s so very easy to make a copy and slip the original back. My ex did this when things were escalating. I’m not saying they will go that way of course, but its such a small measure to keep yourself safe.
The AG and I just got back from 5 days together, our first trip when he got back from a 6 week business/see the family thing. The trip went really well, turns out we travel great together.
We’re in such a good, if odd place. I haven’t met his friends yet, and he hasn’t met mine. (I met his realtor friend when he was looking at houses, but that’s it.) Neither of us are very good at the whole socializing thing, but I have to admit I’m starting to be concerned. Part of the issue is that meeting my friends IS meeting my family (my biological family left me a long time ago). This is probably the biggest reason I haven’t said the words that keep circling in my head when I see him…I believe he’s in a different spot than I am, emotionally speaking. I am trying very hard to just live in the moment and be grateful for what I have now, for what I feel now. Still, at 8 months in, I’m starting to worry.
Does he have local friends he goes out with? Has there been any mention of meeting them, by either of you? I’d agree this could be a cause for concern… no L-word or friend intros after 8 months isn’t definitive necessarily, but it could be he sees this in more casual terms than you do.
