DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I saw my husbands exes ring and it was nice enough for the style but I would HATE it. For that reason I gave husband a very clear idea what I liked. I have an infinity band with a oval stone and my wedding band is also an infinity. I actually got some cheapy rings on Amazon first to actually test run the style. So glad I did because what I thought I liked just didn’t look as good on my hand and just trying it on for a few minutes, not even in the correct place on my finger since they were all such small sizes, would not have given me the real idea. The oval makes my hands look much nicer than what I thought I wanted did.
Veritek your rings are very pretty!
Sorry to hijack this thread from the ring talk but something happened to me that I haven’t processed well, I think.
I had a FWB about six years ago that ended because I met my ex boyfriend and because he was having feelings for me. We remained friends for a while but then this guy disappeared. Anyways, we got in touch last October and we remembered all the fun we had (not only sex), we have a lot in common, we have a great time together, etc. He was coming off a fresh breakup. We have hung out about once a week, and last time we hung out we kissed (we were both a little tipsy). When he got home he sent me a video of him masturbating… Keep in mind that we had only kissed and nothing else happened, and this was a “close friend” of mine. I was shocked but didn’t say anything. Two days later he apologized and said that it was too much I said it was ok, I didn’t know what else to say. I just stopped talking to him until he texted me a couple of days ago and I said that I wasn’t really ok with all. I felt dirty. He told me that I was hard to read, that I was “difficult”, that he didn’t know how to treat me. I said that video was uncalled for, I never asked for anything like that from you. He kept texting but I didn’t want to talk anymore so I said that. A couple hours later he sent me a whatsapp audio nine minutes long. I deleted it without listening to it. I haven’t talked to him since.
Is there anything else to do? Did I do right?I mean I can see how he could have thought it wasn’t a big deal since you used to be FWB and for some people it would be ok but it was still weird considering the time passed and such. I wonder what the heck this 9 minute thing was. He seems a bit off and I’d just ignore him. Perhaps even block him.
Aww, I’m sorry Ale. Getting unsolicited stuff like that sucks. You did say you were FWB, so you two have a sexual history, but it sounds like you haven’t rekindled that part of your relationship and were just hanging out as friends. I think your reaction was fine – ignore it and then be honest that it made you uncomfortable. For him to then call you difficult and send a 9-minute audio instead of just calling you… sounds not cool. I would just ignore him and let things cool off. I mean I kind of feel him being confused, because you did previously have an NSA sex relationship, and now maybe he’s not sure what you want. But he could be a big boy and ask instead of sending you that video.
Even if you were FWB in the past, sounds like that was years ago, so I think that was inappropriate to send even if you did kiss recently. Kissing someone doesn’t re-establish that FWB relationship. And continuing reach out to you when you’ve said you don’t want to at this point also isn’t cool. I think you handled it fine. I’d be ignoring him at this point. If you’re open to having a relationship with him (platonic or FWB) once this blows over, I think you’d have talk about about boundaries and move forward. I prob wouldn’t want to be friends with this guy at this point.
Oh I’m sorry Ale. Once you said you were uncomfortable he should have handled it differently.
Those are lovely rings Ver!!
My mom has always worn her wedding band and only wears her engagement ring for special occasions as long as I remember. My sister does the same. I’m not sure if it’s cultural. All the women I know at work wear both. When the time comes, I kind of don’t want to wear a nice ring all the time! I’d like to wear just the band too.
@Ale I guess it depends on how much you want to continue this friendship? It was a shocking thing he sent and it rightfully got a reaction out of you and flustered you. I personally don’t think I’d keep as a friend someone who called me difficult. That’s not okay. I’d ignore anything else that comes from him.
MofV will get a ring but may not wear it every day. He’s been an engineer in a factory an they were not allowed to wear jewelry for safety reasons. My dad didn’t wear his ring growing up for the same reason. He puts it on for special occasions like weddings and family gatherings and holidays. He wears it more now than he’s retired. My guy said he might wear his on a necklace each day and on his finger when he can, which I’m totally fine with. He looked at some tungsten and carbon fiber and liked both. We also discussed a white gold with a rose gold inlay to match mine.
@copa, things are going well! We spent the holidays together a lot (but we did Christmas with our own families). He’s been doing a two weeks on (away for work) two weeks off (back at home) thing for work so it’s been a bit of an adjustment; it’s just a 3-6 month thing. For a while I was overthinking a lot of things so I decided to enjoy the moment. That said I borrowed “Is He Mr. Right” last week after you mentioned it and it’s been giving me more clarity. Not necessarily in a bad way but it’s been useful for sorting out my thoughts.
@veritek33 – your rings choices are so pretty! I’m very excited for you.
I really have been enjoying all the different rings and stuff people are getting. The variety and individuality of taking that symbol and making it just yours really speak to me.
@Ale – it’s ok to take a while to process your feelings on something like that. It’s not being difficult at all. He’s just trying to deflect some of the blame for his weirdness on you. I wouldn’t even consider being friends with someone who did this – not because of the video; we could of talked about that and come through it, but because his instinct was to low key gaslight you for his failings. And that’s not ok.Here’s a question for the group – what do you do for Valentine’s day? I’ve mentioned before that I took a longer break (7+ years!) from dating to get myself in the right space. Valentines day for me has meant hanging out with the kids and making fun cupcakes then watching movies with them and buying chocolate the day after. So when the day came up in convo the AG asked me about it and what I told him I wanted. I waited till he was drinking water, then said “sex”. Which was funny 🙂 When he finished sputtering I told him that I don’t require shiny or expensive things for arbitrary dates; I’d rather he just spend the time with me. To me a day of staying in, getting takeout and eating it in bed after and then watching some random show sounds perfect. I guess his ex liked the really shiny things cause he looked at me like I was setting a trap for him. I explained I really meant it and now I’m hoping we don’t end up in some fancy restaurant neither of us wants to be in cause he’s not sure if I meant what I said.
I got him a vinyl of an album he played for me on our recent trip from a band big in his country of origin. I have this wonderful memory of him driving with a small smile on his face drumming on the steering wheel and just looking happy. I’ll probably bake something decadent for him too. But it’s our first valentine’s day, apparently I’m an outlier in his experience and I don’t want to disappoint him. Should I go looking for something else to go with the album?
Has anyone used the fitness ring? The one that is a wedding band but tracks your calories and steps. My sister is thinnking of getting one for her husband.
Yeah, I don’t know if I want to pursue this friendship. We were FWB for a couple of months years ago, but that was definitely not happening recently. And even if we were, I don’t think sending something like that is allowed, unless you talk about it first, which we had not. I know I am not difficult, I have good friends. He definitely misunderstood what was going on, but I’m done justifying men’s actions.
