DW Community Catch-up Thread
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My husband cooked me a very good steak dinner last night. He got this hilarious heart-shaped steak. And flowers. I got him Scotch and dark chocolate cherries.
And today I picked up my new red car we bought! Well, it’s used but super cute.
I’m at yet another tournament. I celebrated valentines day by getting my much younger co-worker to dish in all the guys here she’s making moves on. She makes me feel like I’m a thousand years old but it’s fun living vicariously through her.
To preface – between trying to get my work wrapped up to be OOO for my trip, and feeling major anxiety over my upcoming travels (enough so that I asked for rx anxiety meds from my doctor), I haven’t been sleeping well. It’s late, I’m extremely tired, and may be overreacting.
So BG came home with me to my home state to meet the parents. 😮 We arrived Saturday afternoon and he left last night after spending the day in the area with me. Dinner with my parents went well, but I noticed he seemed not quite himself today. I was running on empty today and guess I assumed he was, too, so didn’t think much of him being quiet. Coming into the weekend he was up in the air about spending one night or two, and ultimately decided to make the drive back home this evening after one night. When he stopped for a break on his drive home, he texted that he was sorry for being grumpy during the day. I asked if he was okay, he tells me he’s actually a little upset I didn’t get him anything for Valentine’s Day, and I feel so bad about it. And now I’m wide awake at like 2 am (for what feels like the billionth time in the past few weeks) feeling like a careless, thoughtless girlfriend, even though I thought we’d been on the same page about Valentine’s. Like I said in my last update, all I got him was a card (and I forgot it when we got together). We’re creeping up on eight months now, which in the grand scheme isn’t a terribly long time, but I’ve been feeling really good about things! And I’m wondering, y’know, are there other areas of the relationship where he thinks I am inconsiderate and thoughtless, and I have no clue because they’re things that wouldn’t upset me? I’m sad wondering if we’re at the point where the blinders come off and he decides he’s out, and maybe that’s why he only stayed one night and tomorrow he’ll tell me it’s all over.
I can see both points, you said you didn’t want to make a big deal of it but he did still cook you a nice dinner and whatnot so it was a little one sided. On the other hand he’s a big boy and could have presumably said he actually wanted to acknowledge the day somehow when you had that conversation. I think him not talking this out face to face and cutting the trip short after being distant is a huge overreaction. I’d be a little wary of that if I were you, it seems a really big ‘punishment’ if you’re generally thoughtful and considerate.
Oof. I don’t like the way he handled this really. I think he should have talked to you about V-Day the next day instead of holding on to it and being grumpy.
Or, you know, handled the communication better beforehand.
“BG and I had talked about Valentine’s Day, and I told him it’s not a big deal to me, I don’t expect gifts, but I do like acknowledging it with a nice dinner or something.”
Well, what did HE say? How did he say he felt about V-Day? Did he say he likes having his partner acknowledge it? Did you ask him? Here is where I kind of think things fell apart.
Because he did exactly what you said you wanted, and a little more. He did the nice dinner, dessert, and some small gifts besides. In his eyes, you didn’t do anything to acknowledge the day for him.
But again, what mutual expectations did you guys set about it? Communication sounds like maybe it was lacking on both sides. I don’t blame him for wanting some celebration on both sides of an 8-month relationship that’s going well. But he also could have said what he likes. On your end, why just a card that you forgot? Why is the nice dinner on him? Why no little gift for him that’s the equivalent of flowers? If you want acknowledgment of the day, I think it goes both ways.
I think it’s a learning experience for you two about expectations and communicating them. And maybe should spur a little state of the relationship talk. I also think you should do a little something for him to make up for it.
But to Ange’s point, the way he’s handling it reminds me of, like, myself in my 20s. Immature.
Ya that silent thing, drives me nuts. Tell me what’s up or knock it off. I know not everyone works that way but nonetheless i don’t deal with it well. I see his point but yours as well. I agree just a lack of communication. At the same time you are both still learning about the others desires for gift giving and such.
I’d talk to him. Tell him you thought you were on the same page and you feel awful. That your goal is always to make him happy and you regret that he’s bummed. Then I’d do something nice like a dinner on a night you had plans. Maybe even a stay in night. Make dinner, get him some sort of token. Does he stay at your house often? Maybe something practical but sweet for when he does like a basket with his favorite coffee or tea, a razor, body wash. So kind of a “for when you are here to feel at home” goody bag. Just an idea.
I would be a bit peeved he’s doing the silent crap while meeting my parents. Not the time.
Stewing is rarely productive. I’m curious if he needed time to process his disappointment and find the words, or if this is just plain ol’ immaturity. Best to remind hm that despite all of your excellent capabilities and accomplishments, ESP is not one of them.
Might be helpful to give him a script to use in the future: I don’t like making a big deal but this is how I feel. Communicating this is hard for me but I’d rather be open then grumpy.
He said nothing when we discussed Valentine’s Day. We were at a bar talking about it and I’d said it’s not a huge deal to me, maybe an excuse for dinner, that it’s not even a big deal to me if we do it on a different day, and he didn’t chime in with how he felt. I didn’t ask, either, but I feel like he could’ve said something if it was important to him. On my end, I probably would’ve done more if it had fallen on a different day. I’ve been working a lot the past couple weeks trying to get my work done for vacation (there’s no coverage while I’m out, so I basically have to meet my February deadlines in half the time). I’ve been stretched thin, he seemed indifferent. He offered to cook dinner. I took him up on it without thinking much of it cause I cook for us all the time.
Anyway, so after I wrote all of this last night he did apologize via text for the lack of communication. He said there was also some work frustration hitting him this weekend mixed in and apologized for taking it out on me. We’re going to FaceTime later. I guess I just wish we could’ve talked about it in person. He leaves for a trip the day after I get back from mine so we’re really not going to be able to spend any time together for like three weeks. My anxiety levels surrounding this trip are already through the roof and it does upset me to now have this piling on to it.
There’s not. I leave Wednesday out of my parents’ city. He’s back home now in our city. It’s a 4.5-5 hour drive in good conditions. It’s a wintry mess out there. (It’s actually good, weather-wise, that he left when he did.)
Oh right, okay. Well, just go and have a good time. You two should be able to move past this easily and do better next time.
