DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Oof, @copa it does stink he couldn’t discuss this in person, or FaceTime before just texting you that he was upset. Does he normally struggle with the difficult conversations? Does he not communicate what he really wants? I know 20 year old me would be frustrated people couldn’t read my mind. It sounds like maybe he wanted that. I know that I have to directly ask FMH things because he won’t think to share them. Not because he doesn’t love me, but because he didn’t view it a something he needed to share?
I hope your conversation tonight puts your mind at ease some so you can enjoy your vacation.
As this thread can attest, I have trouble talking about my feelings and I have had to actively work on it. I tried so hard to be more open with the husband. I’m still not always perfect at it. I talked about it on here a lot. We had one communication break down about six months in. Also discussed here. I was probably behaving similarly to your BF @copa, although I picked my birthday dinner, not a parents meeting weekend, and we were able to resolve in person. I’m so glad he stuck with me and we worked through it.
Anyway, I agree with @kate. Consider this a communication learning point and talk about how you two want to handle in the future. You should definitely be able to move past this. It’s a bummer you can’t see him before your trip. Facetime is great though!
And have a blast on your trip!!!!!
I mean our relationship has pretty much been smooth sailing so far. This is the first time there’s felt like any amount of conflict. It’s occurred to me that maybe he didn’t realize he placed any importance on Valentine’s Day until I fell short of what he pictured? Not sure. I DO think he realizes his delivery wasn’t the best. And now I’m realizing that maybe I should have asked more directly, or tried to pull myself out of my work tunnel vision a bit more this past week. Hopefully we can discuss today, move past it, and do better.
@Copa live and learn! This shouldn’t be a break point for the relationship as you kind of have that fear deep down. I have been learning that while I didn’t think I really care much about some things, I do have stronger opinions than I realized. If this is the only major hiccup so far, and he seems apologetic for his reaction you’ll be just fine. Just another way relationships grow!
We had a big weekend on wedding stuff. We had planned to help his kids with plane tickets for the wedding since it’s out of state (and multiple different ones) for all of them. We purchased return tickets for all kids and 1 significant other this weekend. None of them knew this was coming and all were super grateful and it helps them all out financially. We are happy to do it, and I’m glad that item is DONE! We also purchased outfits for the groomsmen. So ALL wedding attire but FMH is picked and any accessories I want. Checking shit off the list!
We have had a long engagement and it helped for us to save money. Anyone looking at getting married in the future – don’t do a long engagement. While I didn’t start getting stressed until about January I so wish this was over months ago!
I do worry about that, I guess, because I know I was a bit of a thoughtless girlfriend in my first serious relationship. Never intentionally, but I was very clueless and it was with a guy who expected me to read his mind. It was over a decade ago, though, I’ve changed and grown a lot as most people tend to do, but last night did make me wonder if maybe I’m somehow still clueless and thoughtless without realizing it.
I don’t think that you were in this case. You indicated your preferred method of celebrating valentine’s day. He didn’t say anything otherwise. Maybe he didn’t take you literally and that was on him. Was it a bummer you forgot the card? Yeah. But at most, that’s the only thing you did wrong. He should have spoken up. Or if he didn’t realize it was a big deal, said something within a day or two, but I guess he kind of did?
I really think you’re both ok and chalk this up to learning more about one another.
And now you know he likes to be “treated” a little bit. Don’t beat yourself up. A little conflict or hiccup is ok. It’s how you treat each other after that is telling. And he apologized, which he should have! So that’s good.
I don’t think it’s on you, Copa. It does sound like he was kind of expecting you to read his mind. Why is it on you for expecting to know something he doesn’t even appear to know about himself? If anything, it’s an indication that you *both* need to figure out how to communicate better. It’d probably be a good idea to start a conversation about how you both would like the other to show how you feel about the other, like love language stuff. He should vocalize his wants/needs/expectations, as you did in this instance.
Went to Home Goods today. Have never been to the one here. Found where all the good stuff is. Mine in Tustin was way picked through compared to this. If only i needed more pots and pans. They had a ton of All Clad for half price. I have All Clad, from when Linens and Things was going out of business, got an insane deal I couldn’t pass up and still love them.
Poor husband will be dragged along regularly I can tell. It is just across the river in Iowa in an area where any decent stores are. Only about 20 mins but with snow and ice not a drive you’ll make if you don’t have to. Of course by decent stores there still are no places to buy clothes but lots of home stores so that was fun. Especially now that I’m unpacked and finding a few odds and ends I need for this house. Somehow my box of glasses and some other items went missing, hence why I went there to begin with. Of course if i was unsupervised I would’ve done way more damage.
Fun fact. Until I moved here I never had seen the Mississippi River. I find it fascinating after watching a show recently about how much ships through daily. Plus, water! Since I miss seeing the ocean.
All the unpacking is done. I am trying to sell a table and chairs since we both had one. Hoping that goes soon to give me some space back that it is currently taking. I just have to figure out storing my boots. Where to store them. I am out of room! I used to have them in boot clips hanging in my closet but now am out of hanging room. Thinking of just getting some of the inserts so they sit upright but, then where to put them.
So happy to be mostly settled in.
I grew up on the Mississippi. My parents house is about a mile and a half. I’m terribly allergic to it. Like, my allergies don’t act up anywhere but my hometown.
I was unsure what my allergies would do but it wasn’t too bad. The insane amount of bug bites though. I cannot even walk from the front door to the car in summer, covered in bug spray, with clothes covering every inch of my body, without being eaten alive. I happened to have a doctors appointment over the summer shortly after my legs were assaulted and he just said “ouch”. I seriously was hoping he had some secret to avoid it. Just the usual solutions. I truly hate it. Everyone else here hates the cold and I am just loving not being covered in bites, being kept up all night itching. As much as I wouldn’t mind my hands and feet not being perpetually frozen and being stuck inside due to this insane winter, I am not looking forward to the summer. This for sure is not my ideal climate. Luckily only a year and a half (well just under) left. We plan to move to the Salt Lake area before sons senior year starts.
Ouch – your going to move him his senior year? Fun fact: My grandparents moved my mother her senior year…and she ended up pregnant with me before HS was out!
