I tend to be the saver and husband would be the spender. I think if it looks like you’ll be moving in at some point you have to sit down and look at each other’s financials. We didn’t share accounts or anything until later but we did have a full on conversation about what we had, what we wanted to have and what we wanted to save. Maybe he’s making enough to do things like that and still save? You don’t really know until you have that talk. I don’t see anything wrong with you expressing your discomfort at the cost if only because you don’t want anyone overextending on your behalf and that could ease you into it. You’re planning to share bills n stuff eventually, it shouldn’t be taboo.

So my 2 cents as I had a big money problem and talk with my BF early in our relationship. I was having problems managing my money and paying off my CC. He helped me and was understanding of my plight. We do cheap night outs for our dates, and I am open with him for what trips and stuff are within my budget. We have created a spreadsheet (he is an engineer if that makes sense :P) for when we do trips together and costs are then split afterwards. Or if one person covers groceries for the weekend, or if we buy someone supplements or items and they need to pay me or him back, we have it recorded.

We also make the same amount, but I am worse at money management (def getting better!) than him, he saves a lot and is very frugal, without it being obnoxious mind you.

In your scenario, he offered to pay for the higher end meal because he suggested it and can afford to do so with his raise. He took the onus and responsibility for the higher cost meal and offered it. Rather than saying lets do the chefs choice and split, or expect you to pay when it is way out of your budget.

I think his spending habits shouldn’t concern you until it starts impacting your time together (ie he can’t split bills anymore or is having you pay more often than him etc). Or if you two are saving to buy a place or move in, which yes you would both need to manage and collaboratively work to save money.

Ultimately, yes you do not know what he makes, but if he isn’t in dire straights then his offer to pay for the higher end meal or date night out when he financially can, shouldn’t be a huge deal. If you are really concerned maybe sit down with him and say that you want to make sure date nights are fair moving forward as you don’t want to go out to places that you/he can’t afford. When splitting expenses ideally equal, or based on your income separately (ie if he makes more he pays for maybe 60% and you 40% of bills and expenses). Whatever that ratio is.

I don’t think you need to have any kind of conversation about this dinner situation, and there’s nothing at all problematic about someone wanting to treat to a nice dinner when they get a promotion. Like JD said, you do have to have nice things sometimes or what’s the point. And if you don’t know what he makes or what he saves… anyway, this doesn’t need to be the occasion to question that. When you get to talking about moving in together, break it down then. There are sooooo many ways to split expenses and figure out saving.

Thanks all! I am totally fine with the dinner. It’s a special night out, won’t always happen (I wish! Haha). When we talked we just worked through some miscommunication.

It just brought up some deep rooted feelings. And I am likely jumping the gun here thinking about it.

Some people splurge on clothes, some people splurge on food. I had to learn that my splurge is travel, and his is food.

I would have the financial conversations before you move in together for sure. Moving in means you’re on a serious path, so you’d want to be on the same page. You can still prioritize different things, but as long as you’re open about it you can figure it out.

I will say FMH saw how well I have saved over the years and often defaults to me on money items. That said, I make a significant larger amount than he, and it’s a struggle for me to let him treat me. But he enjoys it when he can, so I have to enjoy HIS enjoyment.

Bringing the thread back to dating: BG might be attending his first work event with me tonight. 😮 Still not 100% sure since he just got home from his trip and is jet lagged and a little under the weather + I got roped into working it this a.m. after a volunteer dropped bailed (was supposed to be strictly social for me prior to today). In spring and summer we have more after-hours events, some of which I am expected to attend and some of which are +1-friendly. This one is a fundraiser concert, so it’s more casual and social than other events. This may make me sound kinda bad, but there were guys I went out with in the past that made me think, “Nope. Just nope. This isn’t someone I can see myself bringing to a work function.” Glad I don’t feel that way about BG, haha.