DW Community Catch-up Thread
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We are engaged and still haven’t created a joint account. We have discussed it in the past but I’m not in a hurry to merge our finances and he doesn’t seem to be either.
We know where each other stands on what we can/can’t spend though.
We have a joint checking and savings account and a shared credit card which we use for most expenses (we use it to accumulate miles for travel). We also both maintain our own checking and savings accounts, and each have an individual credit card for emergencies only (I don’t use mine).
Each month, we put our expenses in a spreadsheet, determine who owes what (we split 50/50 any shared expense like groceries, dinners out, utilities, but not personal items), and pay off the shared credit card and our mortgage from our joint checking account.
I have a household budget that I’ve created and I share it with him and show him the bill since he moved into my house and everything is in my name. He’s never questioned a thing but I like for him to be able to see where the money is going and it’s easier if he has access to it. Also, if I get hit by a bus or something I need him to be able to access the bills and pay them so we don’t end up homeless. We’ll still have our direct deposit into our separate accounts and just move money over to pay bills as they arise.
Just a minor update, kind of on finances again, my bf was really considering a smart watch with his bonus money but he decided against it because he didn’t need it. Of course it’s fine either way, but apparently he had been thinking about it for a couple months. So he does think about his purchases; he just doesn’t bore me with his rumination.
I think that having a planned joint budget makes a big difference in mediating money disputes. Some couples never fight about money and spending but if you do, working through the framework of a joint budget helps lower the temperature and stress.
We just opened a joint account, it just keeps not happening due to it being so easy to transfer money now. My ex and I had joint but that was when it was a pain to transfer funds and meant a trip to the bank. Really the reason we even opened the account was because now that I can have USSA I want the perks they offer. I also am having him do a Capital One account for our special savings fun since their interest rate is great, no fees, everything online and convenient. Best for money or banking you don’t want to access regularly as they don’t have actual locations (wait I think I just heard they are starting to open them and they are banks/coffee shops).
Husband pays most out of his account mainly because the auto pay was all set up already since our place was his before I moved in. If we need to pay something to else we just move money where it’s needed. We don’t really need to discuss every purchase but just due to our nature we tend to say “hmmm I saw this thing on amazon I’m thinking about”, so we tend to know what the other is buying in advance just due to conversation. Anything larger we of course decide together. Still debating the couch purchase in my head.
@fyodor both of our parents are terrible with money and have filed for bankruptcy so 90% of their marital arguments were about money. So…We’ve made a commitment from the very beginning to discuss all things money related and be open and transparent and have both parties involved in the money. We really don’t argue much at all and I just don’t want to have money be a reason we do.
I do spreadsheets ever since a miscommunication early in our marriage regarding debt. Let’s say I heard 14 when it was 40 (not the actual numbers). Now I make sure I visually see the numbers after that near heart attack.
We have separate accounts but share a credit card and a checking account. We’re transparent about everything. It all comes out of the same pot, so it just makes sense for us for it to be shared.
Went on with my closest girlfriend last night and she shared that her and her husband opened their relationship, i get to know because he’s seen me on Tinder and didn’t want me to freak out.
The other news, was that she has an almost boyfriend already and it turns out it’s the guy i dated off and on for about a year when i was 21-22ish so about a decade ago! Apparently he’s also married and in an open relationship.
1. I feel like at least 50% of the dudes on dating sites are non-monogamous (i’m monogamous) at least in my area around Portland. Which is really frustrating.
2. It feels bizarre to even be remembering this dude from so long ago, but after she said his name and showed me a picture all these random memories flooded back (nothing terrible). She had also taken a picture of us at a show a couple weeks ago and sent it to him while we are the and he had remembered me too. It’s just weird, even though it doesn’t matter as i wouldn’t be seeing them together anyways.We’ve never had a shared account but we have access to each other’s accounts and use the same bank so money can flow back and forth between our accounts instantly. We’ve worked out what our monthly bills are, they come out of my husband’s account and I have a fortnightly direct debit set up that pays my half plus my car (the car is through army salary sacrifice so the loan is in his name). When a big bill comes in like electricity I either send him half or he goes in and gets it from my account. We don’t buy groceries together anymore for obvious reasons but when we did we didn’t really quibble, whoever was getting paid that week would buy them. We’re both saving really well so there hasn’t been much discussion beyond that. Joint accounts seem fine too but I genuinely don’t think we need one, our current system is working really well.
