DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I surprisingly have on opinion on this subject. I say do what works for you and the person you ask to accompany you. So, discuss it and mutually agree to the financial terms of the invite.
Right. I think it’s best to just talk about it and figure out what works. If someone asks me to be their +1, I feel like where it is, both of our current financial situations, and how much it matters if I go would all factor into who pays for what. I typically would expect to pay for my airfare and they’d cover hotel, but it does vary so much situationally.
Sooo… I dunno. I agree that it’s situational, but when I’ve traveled to weddings, if I’ve gone solo, I’ve kept my own costs down by sharing a hotel room and rental car with a friend or two. So I guess I don’t necessarily agree with the logic that it’s not an extra expense.
I’ve always taken the approach of inviting boyfriends to destination weddings with zero pressure on the situation, and have never offered to pay. I’m fine traveling and going to weddings alone. My friends and family have gotten married in very fun places, and since I’m someone who would only invite a boyfriend as a +1, it’s always been with the intention of turning it into a long weekend getaway of sorts.
With an ex of mine, I had a wedding in Napa when we were together and invited him, but he ultimately declined. I would’ve expected him to at least pay his own airfare, because that alone would’ve been another $400-500 or so for me. That’s a lot of money! I didn’t have that kind of extra cash at the time and wouldn’t have been able to pay his way (I easily paid $1K for myself even splitting the rental car and hotel four ways).
BG and I are going to a wedding next month at a resort area next month and the hotel room even with the group discount is pretty expensive. I made the reservations for us and covered the cost. He already told me he’d pay some of the hotel costs, which I appreciated, and I told him we could settle up if needed later since he’ll be driving us there. I would’ve been a-okay if he couldn’t come, but if that had been the case, I would’ve found a way to keep my own costs down.
I agree that it’s situational. I wouldn’t want a partner to think don’t don’t want to invite them if the real reason is lack of funds – people can surprise you. But I wouldn’t think it’s expected for them to pay. Sometimes these things don’t work out for practical reasons and that’s ok by everyone, I think it’s the expectation with who must pay that’s tripping me up.
Yeah. Usually when I was heading to out of town areas it was somewhere I didn’t know others well enough to bunk, or the people I did know were local enough to drive there and back but not local enough to make sense to stay, hence it was already a cost for me.
Two people are planning to ask friends, and their friends pay their own way however the divided it up. It just seemed odd to me.
To each their own, right?
Yeah, and I mean, I’ve never actually been in the reverse situation, but my immediate reaction would be to double check dates and costs, operating under the assumption that I’d be paying my own way. I think I’d feel a bit odd allowing someone else to pay my entire way.
I would too, Copa. I’d figure if I’m going it’s because I want to, and I can pay for my expenses. Maybe they can treat me to a few things, but generally I’d expect to pay my way. I’d probably offer to split the hotel room but be ok if they say they’ve got it.
Unless, idk, I’m unemployed and they’re doing well financially and really want me there and insist.
If I were just bringing a date, a non-SO, I’d probably offer to cover most of the cost. However, I’ve never been in that situation. Before we were engaged, my fiance and I used to share costs to attend out of town weddings. They were all for friends of mine, except for one of his. But he’d usually offer to pay for the hotel, or meals, or whatever. It was all very organic and there wasn’t much discussion surrounding it.
@Ale Never!? I actually feel wedding burnout at this point and compared to some people I know I don’t go to that many. My friends are pretty scattered, though, which means attending tends to involve travel. Of the five I have this calendar year, only one is local-ish (about 45 minutes away). One I cannot attend due to a work conflict. The fifth and final one is this fall and I think I’m going to sit it out. I love weddings and seeing that piece of friends’ lives come together, but it’s been a lot of time, money, and travel on my part over the years and I’m starting to feel a little resentful. Which is totally on me and mine to manage! But I think that’s my cue to start sending my regrets.
Also, related to dating, just read this article: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/01/nyregion/tinder-divorce-profile-coach.html?fallback=0&recId=1Kh3edjrheBxb1xYfTRs3X0yWUK&locked=0&geoContinent=NA&geoRegion=IL&recAlloc=story&geoCountry=US&blockId=home-featured&imp_id=119276438&action=click&module=editorsPicks&pgtype=Article®ion=Footer#commentsContainer I thought it was interesting. I know on this site I’ve seen some people brave enough to put their profiles out there for us to see and invite comments for improvement. Looks like full-fledged businesses are now on the rise to help people navigate the online dating scene. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting help to put your best foot forward in an online dating profile, but I paused at the idea of outsourcing the initial interactions. Online dating is certainly a slog — I know from experience — but, I dunno, I think I would have found it off-putting to learn I hadn’t been messaging my date.
