DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Wow, I’m just not seeing it the way most of you are at all. The SIL doesn’t seem bridezilla to me to be annoyed that her brother chose a wedding date eight weeks before hers. It doesn’t matter that his is going to be a small casual brunch wedding – people still have to clear the calendar that day, potentially travel for it, buy an outfit to wear, buy gifts, attend and probably plan a shower and/or bachelor party and bachelorette party. It’s not *just* one day, especially when you are an immediate family member, which are the only people we’re talking about here, and especially when you are an immediate family member who will be in the midst of making and taking care of last-minute details of your own wedding — or, in the case of Veritek’s future in-laws, your only daughter’s destination wedding, when the other wedding is now scheduled to take place. The truth is, there’s going to be a lot on the plates of the SIL and her parents and her groom in the weeks leading up to her wedding. I think it’s understandable that she’s a little put out that now, during that period, her brother’s going to be having a wedding. Its not so much about taking attention away *from her* as it is just adding more stress at the exact time when she knows she and her parents are probably already going to be a little overwhelmed.
Anyway, maybe the SIL *is* a bridezilla and maybe she’s a terrible person, I don’t know. But I don’t think being a little annoyed by her brother announcing he’s getting married a few weeks before her is necessarily an indication of that. Just as I don’t think it’s necessarily an indication that Veritek is a bridezilla for choosing a wedding date so close to her future SIL’s for a casual wedding that could be thrown together much sooner and allow for more convenient spacing between the weddings…
I agree with BGM and Wendy. It’s not the nicest move to put your wedding two months before hers. I think you know this, but you’re bitter that MoV held off on the engagement because of SIL’s feelings so you don’t care.
If your brunch place has an availability in the fall, AND if you haven’t sent out Save the Dates AND if you won’t lose your deposit i really think you both should consider moving the date.
There’s nothing here to propose that SIL would be upset that your wedding is happening six months ahead of hers like you suggest she would be. Wendy and BGM have already stated why two months seems too close. If anyone gets upset at October you state you want to get the family making happening. 😉 Honor your grandparents by helping celebrate their anniversary on the actual date rather than wanting them to celebrate by celebrating you.
For these specific events, we already know there are only going to be three overlapping guests. THREE! They do not have to travel to get to Veritek’s wedding and will have months to find their outfits (the dad and grandfather can even re-wear their suits, so really, we are just talking about the mother of the groom here). If the parents are planning on a gift for both of their kids’ weddings, that would have to factor into their budget even if Veritek decides to get married this year. The SIL’s destination wedding is also incredibly small, and at a venue like Disney World, I doubt they have to do much more than pick their wedding package and show up. The SIL can have a shower/ bach party literally any other of the 7 weekends before her wedding- or even before that! It’s just not that big of a deal.
I would be more sympathetic toward the SIL here if the weddings in question had a different set of logistics, or if she hadn’t already made a thing about the couples getting engaged so close to one another OR if she hadn’t also gotten upset about Veritek leaving for her own honeymoon after the destination wedding. She’s clearly just pissed that she is not getting enough space to shine. I have three other siblings and would be nothing but happy for them if I were in this situation.
Apparently, only Wendy and I see the SIL’s point of view here. Strange. Not that Wendy and I agree — we often do, but strange that so few others do as well.
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At any rate — Veritek specifically asked if she was in the wrong here. She is. So I say — yes. She’s not a terrible person. But she is terribly wrong here.
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Especially so as it’s going to create a ton of needless drama. If this drama is NOT desired, well, then move the date of the wedding. Problem solved.
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Newsflash: the poor SIL was ambushed by this news and so she put on a happy face. But now, having thought more on it… is understandably irked and annoyed.
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That so many think the she is a somehow a toxic Bridezilla only underscores how truly obnoxious the Me.Me!ME!!! world in which we live has become. And slotting your wedding right before your own sibling is about as me.Me!ME!! as it gets.
Also, sure, I get being privately annoyed if that’s how you’re gonna feel- but to go as far as to actually demand changes to someone’s engagement, wedding date, or honeymoon? Doesn’t get more “me.Me!ME!” than that. Veritek better make sure she runs her baby making schedule with the SIL before she outshines her again!
I’ll admit when I’m wrong and maybe I am totally wrong about this. But I will not agree that we did this with malice or evil intent and I do not hate my SIL. I’ve tried to form a relationship with her and she has not been receptive. We have little to nothing in common. So maybe subconsciously I just didn’t care if we had our wedding before her.
So maybe I’m in the wrong here, and I admit it. I appreciate the different perspectives because I did’t think as far into it as Wendy and BGM and Curly. I just thought of the date and how special it would be for a cool tradition, and went with it thinking that all they’d have to do is show up and be guests. I didn’t think of it from the parents perspective. And for that, I agree I could have done better.
There may be no deliberate malice, but the optics are bad. To an uninformed outsider it looks… curiously deliberate. That may all be an unfortunate illusion, but that’s how it looks.
I understand that now BGM. I get it. I should have known better and I would the people that know me well know it wasn’t intended to be malicious.
@veritek33, congrats!! Lovely ring!
I didn’t know this until recently, because the weddings happened before I entered my fiance’s life, but one of his sisters had a wedding planned and the other then got married a few weeks before the first sister. The first sister who had the wedding planned first was annoyed. So I can somewhat understand your SIL’s annoyance. EXCEPT that you ran it by her and she said she was fine with it. She should’ve said something like “I’d probably be having a shower around that time, everyone will be busy with last minute details, etc.” but maybe she figured it would be rude to say that. At any rate, I’d also consider moving it up sooner – not sure when in 2020 you’re thinking, but my engagement is 7 months long and it seems like such a long time to be worried about all the wedding details. Better to pack it into a shorter time, in my opinion!
wow this thread is still going and Tek is brining the drama all the way up to her to the wedding date.
You knew it was close and you still planned the date. Sorry but that’s rude. But hey your giving people a choice of which wedding to attend and likely to both have fewer guest, way to go , take two weddings down why don’t you. Way to make your grandparents anniversary about you….
Tell me the destination for the sisters wedding cuz that sounds like more fun than a brunch wedding, and that’s exactly what your guest will think when choosing between the two.
Wait, here is the question we want answered, which ones open bar? And free mimosas don’t count
The argument that the only guest who this truly affects is SIL’s (and ver’s fiancé’s) mother is kind of ridiculous. Isn’t that sort of the one person you’d want to MOST try to ingratiate yourself to when you’re marrying her son? And, yeah, I can 99% guarantee that she is not pleased about Ver’s wedding date. Being a mother of the bride is a big deal and can be an especially big deal for some moms – *almost* as much as being a bride. If she falls into that camp, I promise you she’s been venting to the SIL about how stressful it will be to have both her kids now getting married essentially back-to-back. Has it occurred to anyone that maybe *that* is why the SIL is saying she’s suddenly overwhelmed when a few weeks ok she seemed ok?
I mean, I guess I just don’t understand why, if there’s a good chance that you future in-laws are going to be annoyed by you choosing a date so close to an already-scheduled wedding, you would choose this hill to die on. It’s nice you want to honor your grandparents, but there are other ways to do that (wear something of theirs, use something from their wedding in your wedding – we used drew’s parent’s cake-topper, for example- give a special thanks to them in the program). Do they even want you to share their anniversary? Maybe they do, but maybe they don’t? Maybe they like having a day that is special to them? I don’t know.
Again, I don’t think anyone is necessarily being a bridezilla, but I do think it’s a little thoughtless to pick a wedding date so close to your fiancé’s sister’s date knowing that it’s going to add stress for her and your fiancé’s parents in the weeks leading up to her wedding, and I guess I don’t understand what’s so important about the date you’ve chosen to start your married life on that note.
