Yeah, not to pile on. But… Wendy is echoing my thoughts here about the guests. Again, I remain confused that so many think this is not something the SIL or MIL could rightly be peeved about. More — as nobody plans their own showers, the SIL could have only realized the possible conflict later. I dunno. This is not a battle I would ever engage in. Especially as the reward for doing so strikes me as rather low.

I was replying specifically to the comment that “people still have to clear the calendar that day, potentially travel for it, buy an outfit to wear, buy gifts, attend and probably plan a shower and/or bachelor party and bachelorette party.” Most of these things just don’t apply in this situation. If the SIL was planning a big affair I could totally understand, but again- with a family-only, 15 guest wedding, what is the likelihood that she’ll be having a large shower and/or bachelorette party (and if she is, wouldn’t that be kind of weird/tacky?). For the size of these events, as described, 8 weeks apart seems fine.
You guys are giving the SIL the benefit of the doubt, but I have a feeling that she’s not gonna be happy with anything that puts her brother’s wedding before hers, no matter how early. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I say that if you want something sooner, plan something sooner. If she’s upstaged by a wedding 6 months or more before hers, I don’t think anyone would side with her. No one can expect everyone to put their life on hold for one person’s wedding.

I also have a question about the shower – who’s invited to that? Are they going to invite people who aren’t invited to the wedding? Because I thought that was not ok. Or does that happen for destination weddings/elopements?

JimmyJam’s superficial and showboat family may not like brunch weddings. But a lot of us like them and think it is so much more fun than sit down dinners.

Veritek, I suggest you guys ask the SIL to move her wedding to a month later.
Problem solved. She asked you guys to postpone your engagement and you did.

Now it will be her turn to adjust her dates and accommodate your wedding.

I don’t see the big deal, we got married fairly soon after my BIL and nobody cared. Both weddings involved travel and really not much overlap between guests so it is what it is, you get a day not exclusive rights to the season surrounding it.

I think too if you give in on this you’re giving SIL carte blanche to involve herself in all your big decisions and believe she has the right to. I don’t understand a lot of people in this forum who give in so much to their family and involve them in their lives and this would enter into that realm. If you set strong boundaries early and demonstrate you’re going to run your own race people tend to back off pretty quickly. Also make sure MoV is 100% on board.

I’m with ktfran- in THIS situation, with these two particular celebrations, I’m not really seeing the problem with having them 2 months apart. It doesn’t sound like either one is going to be a massive blowout requiring tons of time for Advance Planning. If Ver’s wedding is local to the future in-laws (total of 5 overlapping guests including the SIL/her fiancé) then I’m REALLY not seeing the problem. If there were dozens of family members who would have to travel for both weddings, or if they were expecting the in-laws to foot part of the bill, then that could be an issue. But it doesn’t sound like that’s the case.

I will, however, put in a plug for a shorter engagement. Ours was less than 8 months and it still just dragged! (I’m also not sure what would be so overwhelming about a Disney destination wedding with 15 guests, 8 weeks before the fact…we had a pretty traditional 100-guest Saturday evening wedding with dinner and dancing, and planned it all ourselves, and it wasn’t really that hard.) Anyway, I do agree with Wendy and others on that point, especially if you want to get cracking on the babymaking! Think SIL will be upset if you upstage her by being pregnant at her wedding?! Lol.