DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Ver you’re soooooooo great and recognizing when you need assistance it’s something i really admire. I hope the therapy appointment tomorrow helps calm your anxiety. While i was one of the ones that thought setting up your wedding for two months before hers wasn’t very nice, i’m also 100% on team Ver because of how ridiculously mean she was!
I hope you get a lot of time hugging your pup. 12, while possibly average for his breed/size is still too young.
I talked MofV into courthouse with just parents/grandparents and then hopping a plane to Greece. (I’ll share deets with BGM shortly because I need him to officiate our vow renewal in Santorini/mykonos) and then we just don’t talk about it until we share the recap video/photos on our first anniversary and let her know that we did, in fact, get married before her and kept it a secret for a year. Boom.
That sounds lovely @ver.
Honestly, I greatly enjoyed our low key wedding and we had a fabulous honeymoon in Portugal. None of it was really that stressful. However, if I were to do it all over again, I’d fucking elope or go to the courthouse. Every day, I wanted to just be married and elope. I’m a people pleaser by nature and managing others expectations is hard.
Might I suggest one thing? Get a photographer. We hired one that specializes in candid shots and I’m so glad we had the day documented.
I second the photographer – you (and your kids) might want those pictures one day. Plus then everyone at the wedding can enjoy the moment without worrying about taking pictures. Or just to make sure you get pictures – my parents got legally married about 6 months before their family wedding in a judge’s chambers and they only have a single picture from the day.
I totally fucking called it! I knew placating her wouldn’t even be worth trying because it was never about the wedding. Now is the time to draw your battle stations Ver, you and future husband need to be a team and he needs to recognise that immediately. I’m a scorched earth type so I’d continue with the original plans just to stick it to her but I hope whatever you decide you are both in it together.
We had another long talk last night and he actually lit up when I was talking about doing the courthouse and going to Greece. He loves the idea. And so we’d keep my dress and his suit, and our flowers and photographer, and just change locales and guest list. And to keep my money from the winery deposit we’ll go have lunch or dinner there with super close friends. I told him it’s up to him if he want’s to invite his sister. He said he needs to think long and hard about it.
Then we started looking up Mediterranean cruises and plane tickets.
Add me to the list of people who isn’t surprised. She’s seemed like more and more of a self-centered pain in the ass with every update.
Like @ktfran, I have also looked into the Saturday wedding option at the Chicago Cultural Center. It’s once a month, and you can invite up to 20 people. So if you’re up for a road trip with your parents, it’d be a beautiful place for a simple wedding.
That said, I probably wouldn’t change my plans if I were you. I do believe it is MOV’s place to help manage this situation, but his sister needs to grow the F up. There are ways to be the bigger person without letting her walk all over you.
ETA: Honestly, what kind of nutjob gets upset that another bride has a dress? Jeez.
That sounds like a lot of fun, Ver! If it’s what you want to do and you’re not just doing it to appease your nutty future SIL, then you should do it! I really wouldn’t invite her to the wedding, though, even just to “keep the peace.” She doesn’t really care when or where your wedding is; she just wants to assert her control. So she’s not going to shut up and be graceful about you changing your plans and think “Oh, it’s so nice of Ver and MOV to accommodate my ridiculous demands.” Instead, she’ll find something else to throw a fit about.
Here’s the thing. Neither of us see changing our plans as “letting her win,” – quite the opposite. If we do a super small courthouse ceremony without her present she won’t have the opportunity to ruin anything for me. I’m keeping my dress and flowers and my grandparents anniversary date (because my grandma is super excited and I’m not taking that away from her – no way.)
She’s made the first month of our engagement, what’s supposed to be a very happy time, pretty stressful and miserable to be honest. And I’m tired of compromising and bending over backward to make her happy, and so is my fiancee. As MOV said this morning, he’s been in the shadows since she was born in 1988 and now it’s his turn for the attention and she’s just going to have to get over it (and I told him he HAS to say this to her).
For me “ruining her wedding and making it so she doesn’t even care or want to plan it” she has a dress, registry and a website. So I’d hate to see how much she’d have done if she was actually excited and I hadn’t ruined it for her. She’s a grown woman who lives at home with her parents, dresses like a teenager and wants to get married at Disney. We have nothing in common and my attempt to make friends with her was fruitless so I’m done trying. I’m not going to let her make me as miserable as she is.
Three cheers to courthouse and Greece!
Ver, we did something similar out in Westphalia for the family (at the pizza place). We also did spend the money on the wedding photographer and it was still an excellent decision. If you decide to head to the West Coast, I’ll shoot you the details of San Fran wedding. (Doesn’t your company have an outpost in Napa or something?)
If we do a gofundme for BGM coming to her wedding, I would contribute. Just saying. (we can dream, right?)
She’s 30+ and still lives at home with her parents? Just out of curiosity, did your fiance live at home with his parents into adulthood, too? That could explain some of the dynamics at play here.
